by Luz Helena Hincapie, Colombia
Learning to work on my hypersensitivity and starting to love and appreciate my sensitivity hasn’t been easy, as I tend to get ideas of how I should behave and how I should fit into society. Self-judgment, the need for recognition and feeling hurt all insist on hanging around. If I let them, they insist on pulling me back into the old ways. However, with the consistent commitment to lovingly assess where I am at and the trust I now have in myself it is certainly a joyful process.
I’ve found that the answer in dealing with ‘distorted’ sensitivity is inside of my heart, never in my mind or practicing the sports of intellectual and emotional self-defence. The mind will only mask things, chose strategies and it will be a saboteur in the long run. The self-defence sports will only make one awkward and hard.
The answer is inside of me and it has been there all the time.
I can’t deny how challenging it has been and still is to feel settled after living in so much anxiousness. It felt like it was impossible at the beginning; however, I have experienced being powerfully still inside and in harmony thanks to the support and inspiration from Universal Medicine. I have felt all the strength and beauty that there is inside of me. I come back to this knowing every time I catch myself in any emotionally charged hyper-sensitive mood. It is amazingly simple. The automatism slowly starts to subside. I feel the strength of a delicate and perfumed flower popping out!
My greatest realisation:
‘Sensitivity is a Golden Treasure’
I have come to understand that I am not less because I am so sensitive to everything. It is actually my greatest treasure – it is a world of wisdom and insight. In the past I haven’t felt like that because I would see ‘sensitivity’ as a weakness and perhaps due to a lack of support with learning how to honour it, it became distorted in the form of emotions and reactions to everything. Today I feel responsible for it and I choose differently. I choose to honour and lovingly explore my sensitivity. It is not about toughening up or protecting, it is about becoming gentle first, letting go and releasing the protection. It is all about FEELING and ACCEPTING.
‘ME’ MOMENTS ARE A MUST
Moments that I creatively use to Re-connect
This certainly means I won’t be socializing and pushing myself through intense social situations as I did before. It means I leave the ambitiousness behind and that I will sometimes miss exciting occasions. Beyond all possibilities to connect with others, meet new people and participate, the first and most important relationship is with myself. I now love socializing and spending time with myself. It is very supportive for me to create the space where I can honestly ask myself how I am feeling and re-gather – I now honour this. The beautiful thing is that nowadays I can do this more often when I am with people or in daily intense interactions and situations.
My body is the marker of how I am feeling. My jaw, arms, chest and tummy for example are great tools that always show me how much hardness I am using – they feel tense, tight and heavy confirming the anxiousness and raciness I’ve been through during my day. My body also holds the key for my re-connection – my hands and feet support me to bring me back. I touch and hold things firmly but gently with my hands. I stand firmly on the ground with my feet and I walk feeling them with each step. My mind on the contrary holds the key for my disconnection. I have become very aware of disorganized and compulsive thoughts. I don’t feed them by obsessively analysing what is going on all of the time, I just choose to feel what is going on without judgement or trying to fix anything.
I have chosen to say NO to the external ideals of how I should fit in, in order to be accepted and recognized. I can now easily identify how I’ve been allowing myself to be mentally and energetically pulled in many directions. I can now STOP, stay firm, take a gentle breath after a deep one, trust my gentle breath, allow myself to find and feel my stillness within and then deal with whatever is in front of me or whatever needs to just be felt. It’s not perfect, especially when I let go of my rhythms and I can still feel hardness in myself, but it is slowly subsiding.
During the time I have been participating in the events from Universal Medicine it has been a blessing to meet and feel real true women. I have felt how they emanate a delicateness and strength; it feels as if they know what is really going on around them without reacting. They are really sensitive women and yet their presence is amazingly present. There is no ethereal quality in them, they have claimed themselves. I have been greatly inspired by them to recognize and feel the same within me.
I have accepted my fragility and where I am at. I have chosen to give myself the chance to learn from and be guided by my inner-heart, not from my mind. My life is a claimed journey of honesty and self-love. I deeply feel it is a beautiful journey to walk and it is worth it because I now know the ease that truthful confidence brings to my life and to the quality of my presence. True confidence comes from trusting and knowing who I am in truth and gracefully accepting where I am at. I can now stop pushing and trying hard to be someone I am not. Relief!
I choose to be a woman that commits to life and is not scared to feel anything.
I am a very sensitive woman and I can now feel still and safe in the light of my own wisdom and love, which is the living part of God within me – a woman in this life.