How To Communicate? Bringing Me Fully Into My Expression

by JK, UK

I recently had an amazing opportunity to ask myself “Who am I?”

I realised that the Me that I share with others is often far from the me I have come to know myself to be.

Let me explain.

The inspiration to ponder on this came during a regular women’s group I attend in London. We were asked to pair up with another woman who we didn’t know and ‘get to know each other’. With the woman I sat next to, I found myself reeling off a list of where I lived, my age, how long I’d lived in this country and so on. Towards the end of this list I looked at the other woman and paused. I naturally felt to ask her what perfume she was wearing as she smelt lovely, and because I asked her playfully our connection immediately deepened as I smelt her perfume and we continued talking from there and giggling too.

The women’s group was then asked how our conversations had gone, and it wasn’t until this point that I realised I had reeled off a list of factual information about myself to the other woman. I then wondered did that give her any opportunity to ‘get to know me’? And who was the ‘me’ that I was presenting to her?

I had relayed the kind of factual information they collect for the national census data! – which some may feel gives us an indication as to who people are, but, I could feel it was perfunctory, cold and factual without really giving any indication as to who I am in full or moreover who I am as a woman. It also felt unnatural yet ‘normal’, in that I could recognise how when asked about myself it was commonplace for me to reel off the same or a similar list to others, in many different situations. More so, and related to this experience, it is only very recently that I have stopped presenting myself to others as ‘what I do’ (my job, my studies etc.), because I have realised that those are things I do but not who I am.

I then felt back to the moment when I playfully asked the other woman what perfume she was wearing and how much more natural that felt. From feeling this, I could also feel what I had actually wanted to express was that:

  • I love red roses
  • I love the smell of roses too
  • I love lavender oil in my bath
  • I adore butterflies and bees
  • I love the feel of cashmere wool on my skin
  • I love walking in nature
  • I love seeing the moon in the sky

This was more ‘me’ than the ‘census data’ list of facts (which of course was true but just facts).

What I realised from the women’s group that day is – I am a beautiful, tender, loving woman and whilst I can feel that, I don’t present that in the way I express myself to others, particularly when I share a little about myself with them. They simply get the ‘facts’ and nothing more. Whilst there was nothing wrong with me presenting the facts e.g. where I worked and so on, the way I expressed them was also factual, without giving away any sense of the deeply tender, gorgeous woman I know myself to be.

This is now work in progress for me – I’m pretty sure I’m not the only woman who responds in conversation when asked to ‘get to know another’ in the way I did, with the facts, in a perfunctory manner. If that is so, I wonder what kind of society we are creating where we as women, simply exchange factual information with each other in a perfunctory way?

This leaves me with a question:

What if we express tenderly and more deeply as women whatever we feel to express in that moment – even if it is a love of roses or the delight in seeing a butterfly – or even if we said ‘gosh my feet feel tired today’, in a more open and honouring way?

Is it possible that in this way we could encourage all women to come out of their shell (if they are in fact in one, or hiding in any way), and truly shine in their expression?

From my own recent experience I have realised that we can create a more tender, open exchange amongst all we meet, by expressing what we feel in that moment – allowing us a natural warmth in our relationships with friends and strangers alike. How gorgeous is that!

As inspired by an Esoteric Women’s Health group, with Sara Williams – based on the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

553 thoughts on “How To Communicate? Bringing Me Fully Into My Expression

  1. “I am a beautiful, tender, loving woman…” These words really melted me, even hearing them opens me up to the beauty we all are, so how great is the power in us as women when we live these qualities?

  2. It is so strange how we have created a society where our mask of protection is what we consider a normal way of being in relationship with others. As in truth with this way of being there is no realness being lived and shared, no true connection on offer, no true expression and so no evolution. In simply being open to being ourselves, living from our connection to who we naturally are within, we find there is much beauty for us to live, share, celebrate and deepen with together.

  3. ‘They simply get the ‘facts’ and nothing more.’ In a way the facts are boring and do not say anything about who we are, often there to impose, making ourselves less or more than the other. We fall for the ‘rules’ of how to become acquainted but how joyful and liberating it would be when we let out who we are in whatever way we feel to. By the way..I love red roses too.

  4. It can feel easier to fall back on quoting facts about oneself when meeting someone new but this often leads to an empty feeling as for so much of my life I have felt an imposter and the best way to break this down is to be transparent with others and say what I feel to rather than falling back on a standard list that actually allows me to hide behind an imposed persona rather than opening up and allowing the other person to truly see me, imperfections and all.

  5. An awesome blog Jane. When we bring our full selves to life we give permission for others to shine as well, if we don’t then others don’t receive a reflection of what’s possible and we all stay stuck.

  6. It is interesting how we get so used to reeling off auto responses to certain questions that we do not realise how much we are really hiding and protecting our true selves behind these answers not allowing the space to truly open up and meet each another from our full expression and quality of being.

  7. How much more gorgeous it feels when you share the true you, and I then found myself relating very much with what you shared.

  8. Jane, I love what you highlight here about how guarded and superficial we are, when it comes to truly sharing with another about ourselves. It feels to me there is a fear of being rejected or misunderstood if we share what we truly feel from our hearts. This leaves us both feeling less and could well amount to a missed opportunity for us to learn and evolve from our connection.

  9. Today being in a public wc at the train station I saw that the space was beautifully cleaned. I felt to share my appreciation to the cleaning lady. She was a bit surprised but at the same time said ‘thank you’ with a tender smile. Always is a great opportunity to express openly how we feel even if it’s with people who we didn’t meet before.

    1. Lovely Inma, I love these moments with people, sometimes it’s sharing a cute joke, others an appreciation, or offering understanding and care to someone having a tough day. Those small moments mean a lot.

  10. Very gorgeous to read Jane. In the past I have protected so much behind the restrictive behaviours that moulded my awesome and true expression. Letting go the protection and express with others more openly brings me more understanding and appretiation for the beautiful and tender woman I am. I couldn’t imagine before how lovely is bringing all together and feeling the equalness just by opening my heart to myself and others.

    1. I can relate to this line so well, beautifully expressed too Inma “In the past I have protected so much behind the restrictive behaviours that moulded my awesome and true expression.”

  11. Gosh my feet tired today too Jane. Introducing ourselves are bounded by the belief that it has to be proper to get a good impression but at the same time cannot be big headed and needs to be forever toned down. But none of that shares the truth of who we are.

  12. There can be the opportunity for warmth, depth and intimacy when we let people see the real us. It feels like such an honour and very inviting to be with another women who is open and real. The hard part can be not just that we fear rejection of our true selves but that over a lifetime we can forget who we are, as we start to see ourselves as the roles and characters we have taken on. This is where tools such as the gentle breath meditation and body awareness are so important to. know yourself from the truth of your body rather than what your mind tells you.

  13. When we talk about who we truly are, what we love etcetera, the conversation goes to a whole different level and is far more enjoyable.

    1. Very true Lorraine. In that moment we have the chance to deeply appreciate ourselves and others. These conversations are very rich as they feel like there is always more to share.

  14. How we choose to present ourselves to others depends on the depth of our connection and relationship we hold with ourselves. The more we choose to be open and honest the more we allow others to feel the same quality within themselves and the ripple effect this has in all our relationships.

  15. When we’re trying to protect ourselves or think we have to meet a certain image it’s like we can be saying a lot but not really very much truly about who we are…

    1. and that in itself says something about us – as we are expressing constantly in our words, and movements – and everything ‘tells a story’ as in everything is a reflection of our daily living choices.

  16. When we feel open and share from our heart others feel it too and often respond in kind. This brings an equality into the relationship. Beautiful expressions can then emanate from both parties.

  17. On re-reading this blog one of the things about having a conversation where we share the ‘facts’ e.g. I have a degree, and a job doing x, etc is that it brings in the potential for comparison, jealousy, feelings of inadequacy, inequality – yet when we talk about what is in front of us, or something we all have experience of the conversation is completely different, and has an equality.

  18. Yes, gorgeous and deeply healing. Conversation reflects so much about who we are, what are beliefs are and how we feel about ourselves – even if we never think that is what we are talking about. Your example here is a great illustration of that, you went to census data, I would do the same, yet when we scratch the surface there is just so much more. I wonder what I will appreciate about myself today that I have taken for granted or not noticed till now. Each and every day there is an opportunity for us to deepen with ourselves of with another, why wait?!

  19. It was great to read this as I realised how much I hold back of myself, in particular the joy and love that I hold for people, I hold this back in case it is rejected but in this I am rejecting others.

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