by Rosie Bason, Mullumbimby, NSW, Australia
I realised yesterday after having an Esoteric Breast Massage (EBM) that I have accepted abuse in my life in so many ways, even when my body feels anxiety, being invaded or uncomfortable I have learnt a way to deal with it and not realised or accepted that it is a form of abuse.
In the past when I had an EBM I just wanted to get my breasts massaged, just to get it over and done with. I didn’t really care how my body felt because I was aiming for a result and I had it in my mind that if I didn’t get my breasts massaged then in some way I had failed.
Yesterday I learnt a lot about being an expert in NOT honoring my body and that even when I have felt uncomfortable I have just allowed things to continue as they are. I have never stopped and chosen another way. I wasn’t aware that I had a choice and that there was in fact another way.
What was so beautiful in my recent session was that I had a moment on the table where I felt so at ease, so relaxed and surrendered. However, when the practitioner began to work near my breasts my shoulder blades started to join together at the back and became really tense. My whole body started to tighten. My breathing completely changed as if I was having a full on anxiety attack. From where I was laying there with a gentle breath coming in and out of my nose to suddenly gasping for air and needing to open my mouth to take in a gulp of air. It was then that I realised that my body was showing me that I was not at ease anymore. I was feeling anxious.
When I shared with the practitioner that I was struggling and that I could feel all these changes in my body the practitioner stopped and said that we did not need to impose on my body and I relaxed straight away. When my breasts were covered and the practitioner moved onto another part of my body I returned to that relaxed state, where my breathing was not forced and was calm. It didn’t take long to come back to that stillness and it really revealed how stressed I had become in that moment of my breasts being touched.
So since then, I have been pondering on how often I have been with partners and have had this anxiety but I always thought of it as excitement and had never really felt into it. This was most likely because in that moment of anxiety the way I had learnt to deal with it all was to leave my body, check out and hide in my mind. I would literally ‘take me elsewhere’ so as to not have to feel or deal with what was going on.
Yesterday was the first time that I have not had to push on through or override the anxiety I was experiencing. I felt so supported and loved because the practitioner had no agenda and did not push through the Esoteric Breast Massage. There was no imposing and no need to get to any kind of goal. The goal really was to just honor me. I think in the past I have always pushed through and never stopped and let my body just be.
I look forward to working with my breasts and releasing all the old issues that I have been holding there.
This writing was inspired after having an Esoteric Breast Massage with Mary-Louise Myers at the Universal Medicine clinic.
Women in Livingness Blog 
EBM’s have been amazingly powerful for me as a woman to give myself permission to feel how lovely I am and how it is OK to feel lovely too. This might be strange to say, but it is true that I have had a difficult time accepting that I can feel lovely, and this has been a super supportive step that I am still working on in terms of going deeper with that acceptance.
Our breasts in particular and any part of our body really, are sensitive and we can hold memories of past abuse that can then be triggered by touch. This has happened to me too, and the bracing of the body can so easily be interpreted as something else (such as Rosie mentioned as excitement of a disturbance), whereas what is needed is simply space and a holding love to feel and let go without any time frame or expectation.
Wow Rosie – how beautiful to give yourself the space and let yourself be without any imposition nor agenda.
An EBM is a very gentle and tender way of revealing any tension or anxiety we are holding in our body. I have come to honour and cherish myself as a woman with the support of EBMs.
It is so true we can be unsettled or anxious in our own relationship with our body in bodywork sessions as EBM. These sessions can reveal all those moments we have overridden or dismissed what the body has felt and has been communicating to us about our relationships in life.
The beauty of an EBM is feeling deeply held in a nurturing space where we can explore the many ways that we have disconnected from our bodies and our breasts and have the opportunity to truly honour ourselves as the tender women that we are.
Nearly my whole life the pressure I have put on myself to reach a certain goal, to be in a certain way that people expected me to be and thus anxiety was my companion most of the time and honouring my body was something I did not know, better said not something I ‘could’ choose. Now I know, having EBM’s and other Universal Medicine therapy sessions I always have the choice to honour myself and my body first and be the woman I am in all my grace and delicateness. The anxiety is not completely gone but at least I know it is a choice and I can come back to me at all times.
This is very beautiful what you share and where you have come to in the extent you now listen to and honour your body.
Realising how much we allow things to continue even though they feel uncomfortable or abusive, and that we don’t feel we have a choice to say no is massive. I feel this is part of the indoctrination that all women receive as they grow up and it affects some aspects of all of our lives. To have permission to acknowledge how you feel and honour that is a huge turning point. It offers a return to the honouring we had as little kids when we didn’t pretend we were ok even when we weren’t feeling ok.
Great point here Fiona – as children we can be more in tune with our body and express how we are feeling. However, as adults we learn to bottle things up and not express as needed, and this then has repercussions later on in life by us not allowing ourselves to really feel and express.
yes how often do we dismiss our internal radar that is communicating to us – whether through anxiety or some other way. I can relate to times I have been intimate with partners and felt the same anxiety that you describe. This is how anxiety can be used to tell us how we are feeling. Rtaher than dismiss, we can accept the feeling which is okay to feel. Often we have such fears, hesitation, resistance to feeling. it’s as though something s saying ‘don’t you dare feel’ as though there is a high risk involved; as though there is a high risk in being ourselves.
How great that you felt and were aware of what was happening in your body , and so could tell the practitioner who honoured your body and changed what they were doing accordingly.
It is so important to be lovingly supported to honour ourselves as we explore our relationship with ourselves as women and the EBM practitioners are so confirming in the support that they offer in their treatment rooms.
What you share here is how I used to be at times, and is so common in many women, ‘ about being an expert in NOT honoring my body and that even when I have felt uncomfortable I have just allowed things to continue as they are. I have never stopped and chosen another way. I wasn’t aware that I had a choice and that there was in fact another way.’ And this can be very subtle, even with a slight feeling of anxiety, do we stop and feel what is causing this, and can I make a different choice?
This is an interesting point.. that we convince ourselves that we need to do something a certain way, or else we’ve ‘failed’.. how many areas of our lives do we put this pressure on ourselves? That we need to be a certain way in our relationship, our work, our homes etc.. that things need to go a certain way, happen by a certain time, for us to feel okay? How liberating and freeing it is when we let go of these expectations and just allow ourselves to be. No right or wrong, it just is what it is, and we learn as we go.
Yes Bryony, the right’s and wrong’s can be very strong in ourselves but it is great to know that it is not coming from the truth inside us but is imposed upon us by ideals and beliefs we have taken on. The moment we become aware of these impositions we can let them go and live instead of survive.
How many moments during one day do we check out and lose our presence due to feeling anxious. When we feel uncomfortable our ingrained instinct is to usually check out and not stay with what we are feeling, healing can never happen if we are not truly feeling the situation.
Spot on Sam – it is a classic thing that I too do, when there is something I do not like, I check out or get busy so as not to feel. Whereas the greatest gift we can give ourselves is to keep feeling and then be aware of what it is that we do not like that we are feeling.
There is such safety and trust created when we are not imposed upon by another and allowed to come to change in our own time.
An EBM is a very tender but profound way of revealing everything that we hold within our body, even issues that we did not realise were there.
Anxiety has been such a constant through my life that it amazing me the places I am still finding it! Always great to expose it and get to see what is underneath. Great sharing Rosie.
We learn to override the body when it has such amazing wisdom to share with us and we don’t think twice as this way of being is a form of abuse. Yet as I learn to speak and stand up listening to my body it can create reactions in others. My body knows, speaks loud and clear and it is my responsibility to listen to it regardless what comes my way as I do so.
Thank you for sharing how having an EBM exposed levels of anxiety and abuse that you had overridden for so long. I have only recently acknowledged how much anxiety I have lived with in so many situations and how this has affected me. EBMs are so supportive in this process because it is such a loving and safe environment to explore the ways that we have shut down and disconnected from what our bodies are communicating to us.
Rosie I loved your honesty in this blog, to actually just honour yourself without trying to come to some kind of outcome is inspiring, whatever healing modality we choose, we find that a lot gets revealed to us during the session without having to push through any discomfort as that is already telling us much that we need to understand.
There is a tendency, I have noticed, for women in general to regard ourselves as being faulty in some way, for there to be faults that we constantly need to improve or hide. And I wonder if anxiety about how we are feeling has become caught up in this way of thinking? If when we are feeling uneasy about a situation, rather than stopping to listen to what our bodies are telling us, we click in to that way of thinking that says ‘no – that is just something wrong with you to feel that way and you must override it so as to be normal and not disturb what is happening’. This to me is basically the fundamentals of how we are silencing ourselves as women and have done so throughout the ages.
In the past I would also override what I was feeling, learning to trust and honour my feelings has been key to deepening the relationship with myself and the EBM modality supports all women beautifully with this.
We get very good at pushing down our awareness of any anxiety or our discomfort with other people, so we can appear to keep going along with what society says is the norm. This is part of the abuse we accept as women to appear to be nice, easy going, compliant, even to get or keep a partner. I find this is an abuse that we inflict on ourselves, as we can choose to honour our bodies more than living to fit in with and hide in the crowds.
What a fabulous moment for you Rosie, to actually nominate what was happening when it was happening and letting your practitioner know about it. I’ve found recently that anxiety is more present in my life than I had realised and the key to dealing with it is to notice when it arrives and exactly how it feels. Occasionally it can be very obvious – like the panic I can feel looking at uni work – but often it is very subtle, almost normalised and hard to detect. Developing a great sense of awareness of what is going on for us in any given moment is important.
Thank you Rosie for sharing this experience with haven an EBM so openly many women will relate to, going into their head overriding what the body is communicating. Honouring our body asks us to trust ourselves again and start loving who we are no matter what. The wisdom of our body will take us by the hand when we listen and act on its signals. For me this is a process of getting more honest, without beating myself up when I do override what I feel but to accept and appreciate where I am at.
The beauty of sharing how the body reacted is a powerful gift to all women. Because like Rosie has shared, for much of her life she left her body and retreated into her mind to avoid feeling how she was truly feeling. To begin to have the strength and trust to again stay present and deeply in the body as things arise is the moment that honesty enters our lives.
This modality exposes everything we keep locked inside as women, it asks us to connect to who we truly are and from this place, we realise how much we have allowed and how much we have just accepted in order to not make a fuss.
It can be confronting but it is always clear that it is simply energy from the past coming up to heal, it doesn’t happen over night but you do get to the point were you feel completely free and normal and enjoy to vast benefits of feeling more empowered and solid as a women in the world.
What a healing Rosie on so many levels… you expressing how your body felt, which was a new thing than what you have allowed yourself to do in the past and also to be with a practitioner that fully held you in respect of what was coming up for you and honoured that. Beautiful! I can so relate to feeling anxiety rise up in my body and think it was because I just need to get over something or push through or ‘just let go’ more. But in truth part of it was me ignoring my body and terrified of expressing what was needed at the time, and saying no. Sympathy and protection has also been a large part of me not expressing.
It is beautiful to allow ourselves to feel this, ‘I had a moment on the table where I felt so at ease, so relaxed and surrendered.’ Imagine how it will be if we all live in this way of being.
Thank you Rosie, for sharing so openly, I can very much relate to overriding this feeling of anxiety and I am learning to allow myself to be more at ease in my body and to notice when my body tenses up and to lovingly support myself in those moments.
The anxieties we uncover during sessions like these illustrates very clearly how disconnection from ourselves leaves us open to abuse from others. But the first abuse, the self-abuse, is the leaving behind of ourselves.
Mistaking anxiety for excitement – I think that’s a big issue for many of us. And not only in the sexual realm – I know I have convinced myself in the past that the so-called ‘butterflies’ in my stomach I felt at the start of some new relationships were a sign of something good. Wrong! It was my body’s way of saying it was not right to proceed, which I wilfully mis-interpreted as ‘go ahead’… and then wasted a lot of time dealing with the fall-out.
Victoria I too can relate to overriding initial feelings that gave me everything I needed to know at the time. When these feelings are dishonoured then I have to deal with all the complications that inevitably follow.
It is quite amazing what we hold in our breasts, they seem to and can be a store house for so much that we throw into our bodies and expect it to just process in some way. It is through the esoteric breast massage that can unlock some pretty unruly behaviours that we’ve subjected ourselves to. Which is really amazing and very supportive.
So true Reagan, I wasn’t aware of this before I was introduced to Esoteric healing and the EBM, how much we store in our bodies and how much lighter we can feel when we are able to release that and so much freer too.
True service – “The goal really was to just honor me.”
Heavens I have pushed through way too many times, I would say it was my normal. What you shared here is so important and empowers us all. Giving ourselves permission to feel and say yes…or no.
In your sharing Rosie,
I can really relate, I can also sense that many women have similar feelings around their breasts being touched and have also retreated into the head, leaving the body in times of feeling anxious and unsure. I am coming to sense that when I do this, it is essentially leaving my body open to be abused. But the first person to harm my body is me, by not staying with it and honestly feeling it and supporting it as needed. This is taking me to a greater understanding of the responsibility that I hold when it comes to living in this body I have.
Good point Leigh, I did not even know the difference between being in my head, neglecting the body and actually being in and with my body – this marker I learned through tools that were given to me by Universal Medicine.
I love that Rosie, that you let go of what was to happen, and your practitioner clearly supported this and stopped with your Esoteric Breast Massage, how honouring of you and your body and what a great learning where you got to feel how in other situations you may not have honoured yourself. Often when we let go of images and just feel where our bodies are at, we can then deeply honour our bodies, and we give ourselves the freedom to change how we are and be loving with our bodies and the choices we make.
The other day I realised when another was being judgmental and critical with a choice I was making how I was letting in abuse. My body felt very uncomfortable and tense with a feeling of giving up because of what the other was saying. I had noticed this reaction before but this time it was very clear to me what was happening. I stayed with what I was feeling and honoured my body in what was coming up. Abuse to the body can happen in very subtle ways if we choose to ignore the signs our body communicates with us but as we surrender and observe we can let go of old behaviours that do not support us.
Recently I stepped in an old pattern of pushing trough and was not even aware of making this choice to get to a certain point. The moment that I became honest about how tense and hard my body felt plus an incident at work that was caused by my being disconnected to my body I stopped and let go of the goal I had in mind that already did not felt true to my body when I started my day. It took my body some time to recover from this pushing through and the anxiousness that came with it. A great learning in allowing to honour my body and put this on the first place always.
Rosie it’s great what your share, is becoming aware of honouring your body and not overriding any anxiousness. Like you say it is so easy to stop feeling and shut down to avoid feeling the anxiousness and therefore ignoring and overriding what the body is saying. When we are truly able to understand what the anxiousness is presenting we are then able to look at choices to help heal it.
Rosie what a profound sharing of observing and honouring your body and what you are feeling. Even the act of not honouring feeling too hot or too cold and overriding that can be us putting up with abuse. Understanding that our body is in constant communication with us has been something that has been life changing for me.
Often and I still find that that anxiety and bracing, if not fed by the outside world and what is occurring can be maintained by my own judgements towards the bracing and tense behaviours. What is beautiful in the Esoteric Healing sessions is that we are provided a reflection from another that on a deep level communicates to us that we need not judge, brace or fight. And the more I surrender in this quality the more I let go of the hurts that result in the tension in the first place.
Yes, I feel that too – that I add to the tension and bracing I feel in my body when I react against feeling like that, instead of accepting that that’s how I feel in that moment, and being completely okay with it. It shows me how I fight my own feelings, or avoid them, which in itself creates an anxiousness.
Anxiety is something that is very prevalent in our society today, as you have called out Rosie, especially for women when it can come to being intimate with a partner or just in daily interactions with people. Having EBM’s has allowed my personally to go deeper with my own relationship, being more present in the body, and fostering my wanting to be more gently and loving with myself, this in turn, is how I then interact with others.
Having EBMs has supported me to recognise my underlying level of anxiety that until recently I would have denied and becoming more accepting of what is being revealed to me has allowed for healing and much more flow in my body which is giving me the opportunity to explore my relationship with myself as a woman.
‘The goal really was to just honor me.’ How amazing is that? After a lifetime of not honouring ourselves the beauty of having an EBM is the absolute love that we are held in and how that allows us to start honouring ourselves and saying No to what is not loving both from ourselves and others.
“There was no imposing and no need to get to any kind of goal. The goal really was to just honor me.” This is the beauty there is no imposing at all its just allowing our body to be open when it is ready. It took me awhile to open up, my breast where shut down for a very long time
It is beautiful how the Esoteric Breast Massage shows so much of how we have been living our lives. And that we from there can start to make changes in how we live our lives.
I can relate to having totally not honoured my body especially in more intimate relationships. Having the EBMs taught me what tender and loving touch was and this supported me to learn a new way of being with my body. Then when I treated my body with this level of respect I wouldn’t accept less in how another treated my body.
An Esoteric Breast Massage session is an opportunity to be aware of and release the tensions we have imposed and have allowed to be imposed on us; our body feels it all.
What an amazing blog Rosie. Your honest sharing is very refreshing to read. The breast are such sensitive parts of a woman’s body and often there is not much attention put to the fact of girls learning that we can chose how we want to have our breasts touched. It is said to never do something we not like but breast being touched is something to take even with more tenderness and delicateness than that. Thank you for your blog that does just this.
‘The goal really was to just honor me’. That is all we need from ourselves, to honour what we feel and I am becoming aware how I have abused my body, by neglecting and override pain so it became ‘normal’. Now I start to listen to my body it is revealing more of all area’s of abuse I have chosen to live with. The EBM’s and now the Sacred Movement are an amazing support to come to the truth of my body.
I love how once you expressed how you felt Rosie that the practitioner honoured this and allowed you the space to feel your anxiousness. I had also learnt to push through and ignore my anxiousness, not just in a breast massage but in life generally. Being more honest with myself and accepting I am anxious was the first step in allowing myself to surrender to the modality. When I do surrender it is the most amazing feeling that I wonder why I don’t live this way all of the time:)
What a deeply loving and exposing session… and honouring yourself is just a gorgeous goal to have. I am sure that many women experience anxiety from having their breasts touched as it triggers the abuse they have allowed to be imposed upon them. It is beautiful that there is a modality like the Esoteric Breast Massage that can support women to look at and heal these impositions whilst building a foundation to reconnect to and embrace the beauty they possess within.
Rosie, that is so empowering. Very often I will think the anxiety is something to be worked through and I will look underneath, prod and poke it. I really appreciate that sometimes it is an opportunity to simply stop and give myself and it space.
Great awareness Rosie – dishonouring our body’s feelings leads to the making of a huge snowball which at some point, and usually after some angst, has to melt as we surrender and honour the truth coming from our body.
Gorgeous blog Rosie. I was especially interested in the way you describe feeling anxiety as excitement. I used to think this was a positive thing in the vein of feel the fear and do it anyway. Your blog allows me to feel that I do not want to be courageous, I want to be strong and I want to be safe in the knowing that I will honour what I feel. Thank you.
It is interesting how we can find in intimate situations where what we feel is of such quality that what we do is to take ourselves somewhere so to avoid feeling. By doing so you guarantee the relief, avoid dealing with whatever is there to be dealt with, and you send a message to yourself that it is alright not to feel what obviously feels horrible. I have been there, done that.
It is amazing how powerful it can be to experience allowing yourself to stop and not push through an uncomfortable situation. I can relate to noticing anxiety come up but having techniques so I don’t have to deal with or acknowledge it. I can feel there is a program running that says “I just have to put up with this.” Giving yourself permission to say ‘no’ is the beginning of changing that old program.
What you have shared is very valuable to us all Rosie. It is so useful to know the way our body responds when it feels under attack. It is also great to know what each of our bodies considers to be abuse, by observing how we respond. For some it might be certain noises, peoples voices or facial expressions. These things may not commonly be considered abuse, yet our body responds to them as such. This is a great starting point to undo this pattern and the harm created by going into these protective patterns.
Such a great tender moment for you Rosie and it makes me ponder on my own anxiety and my own ‘check out’ behaviours. With a partner or even just on my own when Im caring for myself. I know the level of love and care I have for myself is greatly affected by the way my body is running in different moments.
Thank you Rosie, there is such value in sharing these experiences and in doing so shows how important it is not to have expectations around how a session should be. I have experienced an Esoteric Breast Massage to be a beautiful modality that supports me (and many women) to connect to and feel what is held in my body that I haven’t previously felt and is likely to be having an effect on my expression as a woman as to me the feeling or behaviour is ‘normal. This part in the blog resonated with me today and feels inviting to look more closely at my behaviours – “even when my body feels anxiety, being invaded or uncomfortable I have learnt a way to deal with it and not realised or accepted that it is a form of abuse.”
It is a delight to read how honoured you were and felt in your esoteric breast massage session by your practitioner. There have been times when I haven’t respected or honoured myself much at all, and then when someone else did honour me, it was quite overwhelming and very revealing.
Yes very true, sometimes other people honour us more than we know how to honour ourselves and it gives us an opportunity to see there is more care and love on offer..
Reading your blog and the comments has high lighted for me how easy it is to check out from our breasts whilst they are being touched, either during an examination or during an intimate moment with a partner, and the Esoteric Breast Massage can and does show us the relationship we have with our breasts. Very interesting blog Rosie.
What an honest sharing Rosie thank you. It helped me to understand that I too have learnt a way to deal with my anxiety and not allow myself to realized or accepted that this is a form of abuse. It is very revealing that we as human beings are able to learn such an harmful behavior without realizing it. It is wise to ponder a little deeper on this insight.
I also struggled getting a breast massage so can completely relate to what you are sharing here. I have never liked or appreciated my breasts at all so to lay open like that in an EBM made me very uncomfortable. I know there is stuff there for me to work on but very slowly does it with this one for me.
I love your honesty Rosie I could very much relate to your blog, the anxiousness of someone touching my breasts and how I would tense up but pretend that I was fine. I could also relate to setting goals and all that did was keep me focused on where I would like to be rather than the reality of where I was. Since I have stopped setting goals or having expectations in Esoteric Breast Massage it has been much easier to let go and be more honest about how I feel and what is really going on in my body.
What a great goal “to just honour me” I can relate completely to what you have shared and remember saying to a practitioner “I don’t even really like getting undressed let alone having a massage”, but I had felt to push through these feelings also like you describe, whereas when we are honest about our drives to get somewhere and our anxiousness it is so freeing and immediately the body responds to the love and care offered by the choice to honour and be heard.
Our bodies are so in tune and wise – forever vigilant by our side to support us to re-connect to a more tender and loving way to be with ourselves in every possible way.
It was very profound to feel that what you were writing about was honouring yourself, and how in the past you have overriden this. I feel like I can relate and it is a choice in every moment. And the beautiful fact is – is that we ALWAYS know the true honouring choice, in any situation – that is each and every one of us, and what feels true for us.
Rosie this is so great! Being able to communicate effectively how you feel and have someone not just acknowledge but completely respect that is everything in my mind. Really powerful stuff…As it confirms you and allows you to feel confident in what you feel. It also means you can just be yourself without having to numb those feelings out.
So true Mary, means that Rosie can begin to trust that others respect her as well. As the practitioner demonstrated so beautifully by stopping immediately.
Thank you Rosie for sharing so openly here, I can relate to what you say and the Esoteric Breast Massages have been deeply supportive for me to address these issues and to feel more connected to my breasts – a more honouring way to be with my body.
good to read about your experience Rosie. I found it interesting how you mentioned that how often you might have been feeling that anxiety when others were touching your breasts ( in the sexual way) and you can recall “checking out” to not feel that anxiety around the situation. Obviously the EBM is a non-sexual and non-imposing therapy.
This is a lovely blog, not only because of how open and honest it is, but also because of the beautiful telling of the relationship between Rosie and Mary-Louise. Two women who are deeply honouring each other.
Esoteric Breast Massages have been an integral part in healing the anxiety I experienced for over 30 years. It is an amazing modality that supports us, as women, to return to our natural qualities. I have recently been able to re-connect to a deep delicateness that I had long forgotten about but sadly missed.
It is amazing that this modality can have such a profound effect on our mental health.
Beautiful sharing Rosie. I have also found it to be true that when we allow ourselves to stop and feel when tension arises in our bodies we can then honor what in truth is there to recognise and understand.
A great read this morning and reminder to allow myself to feel everything and love myself in the process. Thank you Rosie.
Another great blog Rosie, so real. I find that each Esoteric Breast Massage session can be completely different. I have learnt over the years of having these sessions to let go of any expectations of them having to be or feel a certain way. I have come to love the unfolding path of discovering what I have been holding in my breasts, what comes up for me as well as enjoying at times the beauty and joy in the deep connection that I can feel in these sessions.
Rosie your article got me pondering on how I and I would hate to imagine how many other woman and men have braced their bodies in order to have sex. Indeed rather than a yielding and a mutual surrendering, sex has been a clashing and perhaps a sparring of two people. I glimpsed for a moment a world where there is no hurt and so the act of sex gets naturally replaced with the tenderness of love making. How different would the world feel then ?
This is a great point that you raise Alexis. We have lost the art of true love making and the world would certainly feel different.
What you have shared could actually sound like a pretty insignificant moment but I’m just imagining what the effect of that constant anxiety and tightening of the body could be. In my experience an esoteric breast massage really allows a loving, supportive space to feel our bodies clearly and allow acceptance and understanding.
Well said Rosie. I too have found that an EBM session is very revealing in how I have been living and also very confirming that as I deepen my connection to a way of living that honours my body that this is also reflected in the session.
I was recently examining the belief that “women put up with things” meaning we accept how things are even when we don’t like them, feel uncomfortable, or even allow abuse. It’s an acceptance of what is harmful and of not listening to myself or what I feel to do, because “I’m a woman”. Truly insidious how beliefs become such self destructive patterns. Your blog was really helpful in exploring this further.
It is wonderful when we are honest and admit we are struggling whether it is with a practitioner or in our every day. What I am learning is not to feel that I have failed or go into an emotion like frustration because I haven’t let go of something but instead to accept that this is where I am at. Rosie came back to herself quickly after feeling the anxiety within her body which I found to be very beautiful and inspiring.
This is for me an important practice, as you state, to be hinest and admit we are struggling. This is something I was not taught. I developed my own way to deal with my struggles by myself. This was a lonely process and it actually made me build a wall around me, hardened me. Because I couldn’t ‘deal’ with the struggles myself. Just an admitting and sharing would perhaps have been enough back then. I am learning these days to express more what is going on within me. It helps me to build confidence with myself & how I feel in my body. It also shows me how wonderful it is to share. There is support outthere and the struggle often goes away or at least becomes part of my awareness to truly deal with it.
I can also relate. How awesome that you went with what you felt instead of what you thought should happen.
I agree Laura, absolutely inspiring; to go with what you feel, rather than what we ‘think’ has to happen.
Beauty-full sharing. I too have been receiving Esoteric Breast Massage(EBM) sessions from various womenly practioners. I have found these sessions truly healing and deeply supportive for body and being. Since I have received an EBM, my life has changed. My developments with my breasts completely changed by my own choice and from what I felt during the sessions. There was such delicate and tenderness I could feel when I was tenderly being touched around my breasts area and on my breasts. I have never been touched so lovingly, without nothing else than real integrity and love, without having to protect myself from any abuse or danger. This is what I can read from your story as well. As we are so used being touched in a way that is not with integrity/ not loving , that we are actually automatically protect ourselves when we are being touched.. I absolutely can relate to this.. And I too have found something.. that we do not need to protect ourselves – as long as we take care of ourselves in the deepest way we can:)
While the beautiful EBM modality is not one that applies to me, the insights that you have shared here Rosie apply in many ways. I used to believe that the anxiety you describe was normal part of life. To know now that it is not and we can always choose to stop and say no, is deeply empowering and inspiring. Thank you.
I love this Mary and Joseph, sometimes I am surprised of the changes in me and what I now do without being anxious or at least less anxious, I feel a confidence in myself I would not never thought to be possible. it is becoming my new normal and I am inspired by all students of the Way of the Livingness
“There was no imposing and no need to get to any kind of goal. The goal really was to just honor me.” I’ve found this too in sessions that I’ve had with all different kinds of Universal Medicine Therapies. It’s so supportive to be held in that energy.
Yes, Rosie and fiona55, how honouring is it to express how you feel, even – or especially – if that means that a perceived goal has to be changed in this moment. There is nothing more important than how you feel and how you feel honoured. An awesome testimony to you and to Mary Louise for the amazing practitioner she is.
Such a gorgeous blog Rosie i could so relate to what you have written. I loved your opening paragraph, how often do we over ride our feeling of anxiety and learn to deal with it. At the beginning I did the box ticking exercise of having an Esoteric Breast Massage, thinking I was doing ok and getting through it when all I was really doing was checking out and not really feeling what was going on in my body. Our breast are very sensitive delicate areas of the body yet we have allowed them to be used and abused and be treated as sexual objects Thank you for exposing this level of abuse that we allow to our body and the harm that it really causes.
Dealing with anxiety by choosing “to leave my body check out and hide in my mind” This is what so many of us do, or have done, thinking that we are solving our problems, at least for the moment. Esoteric Breast Massage is a great way to be supported to connect with ourselves and begin to get to know ourselves for who we truly are underneath all those layers of hiding. And what a treasure we begin to uncover as we feel more and more the gorgeousness of who we are.
I am so glad I read this blog Rosie. It really exposes the way I have used ‘goals’ or ‘where I should be’ to override what I feel instead of honoring my body. I know from experience that esoteric breast massage is a very honoring and healing modality and it allows the body to communicate some huge stuff. Your blog shows that great healing is possible by simply allowing ourselves the opportunity to feel what we feel no matter what we are doing.
I find it strange that there big industries that capitalise on women’s breasts and their apparent beauty, dressing them up in fancy bras on billboards etc, and yet how many women actually feel this way about their own breasts? How many of us feel uncomfortable with our own breasts on our own body? How has society treated this beautiful part of our body such that women feel really uncomfortable about themselves? This is something that humanity on the whole needs to deeply consider.
Thank you for sharing your experience with EBM and how you realized all the tension and anxiety your body had held on to. I love how you express: “The goal really was to just honor me.” This is true inspiration. And truly valuable.
It makes sense that a lot would come up for women in EBM’s, we are taught to accept so much as “normal” all the while our body and inner self are literally screaming that something is wrong, yet we defer to the outside world as if an outer authority has greater weight than our own innate sensitivity. Beautiful blog about how much we store in our body and how we override trusting our feelings.
What a delicate and honest post in honouring the body and realising the absence of this through the EBM which has presented you now with the choice, and opportunity to heal the otherwise abuse. Amazing what the body communicates. Even more amazing when we start to listen to it. Just beautiful Rosie.
It’s sad how we convince ourselves that our excitement, nervous or anxious feelings are a good thing because it allows for fun and excitement, when it is so far from the truth that women would much prefer to choose their loving, nurturing and still nature if they had the space to and feel safe.
It’s great the Esoteric Breast Massage allows this space for women.
Abuse – this is such a big topic. I have been working on this subject for some time now and looking at it from every angle. Something I have only recently arrived at, to a whole new level is my personal responsibility in how I come to allow abuse to take place. The responsibility is an essential part of my healing, it has and is showing me how much in the past I have held back, been nice, apologised for who i am or how I feel rather than simply being in my body and bringing the truth of what I feel. I look back on myself as a child and can see how nice and good I was, how quiet I stayed, how I didn’t rock the boat, didn’t want to cause upset – but how this allowed me to grow into a woman that did not speak her truth and therefore allowed a lot of abuse and this is not sexual abuse or physical abuse, at times there has been psychological abuse but mainly abuse can be energetic before it becomes any other more extreme forms.
The EBM has been an essential modality and support in me coming back into my body and not being afraid to unsettle people by expressing how I truly, deeply feel, but also for me to take responsibility for my past choices to not care for myself deeply.
Gosh this has given me a lot to think about Rosie and how normal it can become to override and push on through. It left me thinking of my recent smear test and how horrendous this was and that there must be a more honouring way to go through that process, which I reckon starts with me.
Thank you Rosie. The honoring of the body is to stop when feeling there is anxiety and stress, and not to override it with the mind or with habitual actions, that is such a great and practical way to begin to feel what it truly means to honor ourselves and our feelings.
It’s been my experience too that to honour my body and really pay attention to what I’m feeling helps dissolve anxiety.
When I read your blog, it makes me wonder how many times have I pushed through?, how many times, have I numbed my feelings in order to be strong, to be good, to be efficient, to be disciplined, to be worthy? And have forced myself to continue, cause “it is not good to leave things unfinished”. And in your blog I have also felt the enormous support of the practitioner, being there for you and not having to achieve any goal, but being loving with you…that was such a great feeling to feel in your experience, what a lesson from you and from Mary Louise. What a confirmation that this technique and the practitioners are so connected to the true purpose.
I have been having many Esoteric Breast massage myself in the last few years. At times in those sessions some degree of anxiety held in my body would be exposed too. I have always been astonished in those instances by the level of loving support, integrity, honoring and delicateness offered the EBM practitioner. The Esoteric Breast Massage modality is a truly amazing and deeply healing modality.
The lessons learnt when we listen to our body is so amazing.
How beautiful not to override your feelings, even when you are committed to a healing session. So often we think we are there for a purpose and that is the sole focus once the decision is made. It is so great to really be present so that the mind and it’s decisions do not take precedent, and the healing is for the person and at this point the body and heart are in charge.
Great sharing Rosie, very revealing how you open up to the possibility that we may confuse anxiety with excitement and just checking out to not feel whats truly going on. I could feel the aspect of having developed patterns and behaviors from this that I then considered to be normal, because it came from my body, so it was me feeling this. That is how we set ourselves up and live under this constant abuse, calling it normal.
That´s a great reminder for me, because I know this anxiousness and that I overwrite it easily..I ll be more aware next time.
A good reminder ! The more I develop to honour myself deeply the more I smell all kind of dis-honouring, that is not longer acceptable. It feels great to express this more and more, to stop it and to say NO to all kind of abuse – and often it is enlightened for everybody involved.
Thank you Rosie. I am going to have my first EBM and now am feeling more deeply into this modality.
It is so wonderfully revealing what an esoteric breast massage can show. I welcome the opportunity with open arms, to really see for myself what I have lived and how my body has been affected without my mind getting in the way. Being on the massage table, it feels like I am taken back to being a newborn baby, so open and free first, and anything uncomfortable I feel is a layer of life lived that doesn’t need to be carried around with me anymore. Thank you Rosie for starting this conversation.
Rosie, this is very powerful what you got to feel within your session. Its like the love you were held in and the EBM modality itself exposed the abuse you had previously allowed. What’s more it gave you the space to feel this and the anxiety. That to me, is revelatory and such a healing. Awesome!
Rosie, reading this blog I felt how I could feel uncomfortable with something, but would instead pushed through it, not truly honouring what I was feeling, having not even considered that I could speak up. Like something inside of me was also allowing abuse, so it didn’t stand out clearly, I had clouded my view of what was acceptable.
Love your honesty here Rosie. I can really relate to ‘hiding in my mind’- feel I have done this for lifetimes and it continues to be my safe place when I do not want to feel what is actually going on within and without my body. I do this mostly during sex and when I overeat to not feel any hurts. In am understanding that my head is so limiting and completely under influence by outside forces. I choose me! I choose my ever loving and present body! This is my way forth. Thank you for the opportunity to express that and I am considering a EBM session sometime soon.
Beautiful Rosie,
That you are honouring the women you are and allow yourself the time and gentleness to feel and be guided by what truly feels right for you.
Inspiring!
What you have shared in this blog is powerful Rosie, to listen to our body and honour how we feel instead of trying to push through is a great reminder. Thank you.
Beautifully shared Rosie, thank you. The Esoteric Breast Massage is a major support for me and my body in life and the choices i make.
Oh this is so beautiful to read! A good reminder: to not continue things that doesn´t feel good or right, and to have the courage and choice to stop them !!!
Thank you Rosie as this made me question how I in the past had ignored what I was feeling for the sake of keeping other people happy. There was so much disregard for myself as I always put others first and didn’t honour myself and express what I was feeling. I loved the way you were honest with the practitioner and she honoured what you had felt. It is amazing what an Esoteric Breast Massage can expose if you are willing to feel what is there.
You bring up a great point here Anne, that there are many aspects of the way we live that affect our breasts, many not even directly related to the breasts. That our breasts are also affected by our choices as women in honour of ourselves or not. A revelation for the majority of women. Thank you.
I live with a lot of anxiousness, doubts, criticism and comparison towards myself – often telling myself that I know I am doing this to myself, that it is not good and that I need to stop. But what this blog has made me stop and question – is this a form of abuse? by allowing this constant “you know this is not right for you” and the “you know what to do you’re just not doing it” commentary I am still accepting some serious abuse to my body. I say serious because these thoughts and feelings are a daily occurrence. And yet it feels like I am stuck here because of that “you know how to get out of this situation”
But now what comes to mind is that I do know how to change these abusive ways but if I don’t acknowledge or appreciate the small self-loving choices I do make those seeds won’t get a chance to grow. It’s not about expecting myself to instantly be free of all negative thoughts in the next second because holding that expectation only leads to more negativity. Seeds don’t instantly turn into flowers, they need time and care.
What an inspiring sharing-and I felt you nailed something really crucial for so many women with “I have never stopped and chosen another way. I wasn’t aware that I had a choice and that there was in fact another way.” This is so true when it comes to the choices I have made as a woman. It is through Esoteric Breast Massage and other modalities offered by Universal Medicine I have been able to recognise my self abusive and accepted ways of living with my body and make changes that support me with care and love. Thank you, Rosie.
Awesome blog
Hi Rosie, I enjoyed reading your blog and can relate to dealing with the anxiety by escaping into my head to not feel. I have also found the Esoteric Breast Massage’s to be very revealing and they have assisted me in healing things I had been holding on to for over 49 years. I suddenly feel inspired to have some more EBM’s.
It is amazing how easily we can feel one thing, like anxiousness, and override it so we believe we are simply excited. I remember when I was a child, I would be anxious a lot, waking up anxious, but I didn’t know what being “anxious” was, so I just thought I was excited, and would often sit there and think about what was going to happen that day that made me feel excited. It took me a long time to actually pinpoint the feeling, give it its proper name, and understand its extent, but once I did I was able start working on it, because I knew what it was, so I can completely relate to your experience, and I’m sure from here you will go on to have amazing breast massages, thank you for sharing.
A great reminder to honour what we are feeling in our bodies and not push through to reach a desired result.
Esoteric Breast Massages are a tremendous support, they have helped me come back to nurturing me, and I feel so much more connected to myself.
Rosie, your article is a great example of how easy we can reinterpret our emotions to fit into what is gong on or so we can, as you say, reach a goal. I know I have done this. I find it so respectful that your practitioner instantly stopped with no need or persuasion to continue.
Awesome Rosie to reveal the underlying anxiety, and allow yourself to really feel that is amazing. I have found the Esoteric Breast Massage a great support in allowing us to really feel what is going on in our body. And as you say there is no imposition from the treatment and no goal to be reached, just an opportunity to really feel what is there to be felt in the body with as much honesty as we are able whilst being held in absolute love and honouring during the session.
Your blog is so insightful Rosie, in the way you simply explain there is no goal or outcome to get to from an EBM, but rather to simply honour yourself and see how that feels.
I feel too that in the past I have pushed through many feelings just to get to the other side or get through something, but I have turned the corner and am choosing to honour my feelings when they arise, both on the table and in my life in general, allowing my body to just be, whatever that may be. Sometimes it is harder to stop and take stock of where you are at than to bury it and move on like we’ve been taught and encouraged to do throughout our whole life. Thankyou Rosie for showing how important it is to take the harder road. I look forward to part 2 immensely.
Rosie, your honesty is awesome and will move mountains so to speak. I look forward to your next piece to hear how the ‘mountains’ have come crumbling down.
Great blog, Rosie.
I felt to share that ‘excitement’ and ‘anxiety’ are actually classified on the same emotional scale. When I was learning this during my Psychology studies at university I was facinated as I had suffered with anxiety most of my life.
Excitement and anxiety accelerates the bodies natural rhythm therefore alerting the nervous system that there is possible danger to prepare for.
For me it puts sexual excitement in a whole new light. The effects of this can be felt far and wide, especially in our body and our mental health.
Thank you for sharing what you have here.
I am curious… has anyone else had a similar experience?
Thank you Rosie, something that resonates with me and my years of abuse towards my body. The EBMs I have received from my practitioner at the universal medicine clinic have really built a deeper understanding around how shut off I have been to not feel my abuse …
Great Blog Rosie! How beautiful to be simply honoured – my heart is touched.
As I was reading this, not only could I feel and relate to my breasts being approached and touched and how that tensed my body (which I had never realised meant something was actually going on for me), but I could also feel how much of my life I still live in the anxiety and what that is doing to my body and my expression. What a powerful blog, and now I have an opportunity to observe myself more deeply and allow myself to be as I allow the world to be, thank you Rosie.
The first paragraph made me stop. I too have learnt a way to deal with anxiety in so many ways and not realized or accepted that it is a form of abuse. Reading this first paragraph made me realize too, Anna, how much of my life I still live in anxiety and what that is doing to my body and my expression. I can feel that I am resisting this truth, the fact that anxiety is a form of abuse.
Beautiful Rosie, thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing such great insights of how anxiety has affected you and your body over the years, Rosie. I too have found noticing changes in my breath alerts me to stop and check how I am feeling about what is happening in my life at any given moment. It’s like having a built-in quality monitor, once you become aware of how it supports you in your day to day living.
Being aware of our breath is great and is something that now tells me when I am off or getting anxious about something or excited as I start to speed up in what I am doing, my breath and in my thoughts. This to be honest has been happening all my life, but now I have learnt to breath gently as inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, when I go into that rapid breathing it is much more obvious and tells me something is up.
Shevon, this is a great reminder for me. I notice the changes in my breath occasionally but your comment has offered me to become more aware of my breath in my day. This can then support me to feel more of what is going on in my body and therefore help me to observe that which is around me. Thank you.
Rosie, what you have shared is very powerful. I also experienced this during my first EBM, and the practitioner honoured how I was feeling in that moment and ceased the massage. It exposed years of abuse for me. It wasn’t abuse in the literal sense (as society has come to know it), but in small ways that I didn’t even realise. During the massage I felt so uneasy, and I found it very difficult to separate the loving touch from the sexual touch that I had become used to from my partners. It didn’t feel right to continue in that moment and I’m very grateful to my practitioner for her awareness, as she picked it up before I did.
I had no idea that my breasts stored so much emotion. I’ve now realised that I am very sensitive, and to honour this in every way. I used to look upon my sensitivity as a negative trait, but it’s actually very beautiful as it exposes anything and everything that the body feels. For me, this sensitivity can present as anxiety, panic, pleasure, or any number of emotions, that attempt to cover the truth.
This is an amazing blog and it’s time women heard the truth about the effects of sexual abuse. Thank you Rosie.
Thank you Linda for sharing so openly. Your comment and Rosie’s blog have helped me understand what I have been feeling recently as I travel on the bus, as I notice my breath change and that I fall asleep especially once the bus is full. Whilst I am aware that my body is exhausted I know I am reacting to whatever it is I can feel around me on the bus journey and is confirmation that we do feel all of the time, whether we are aware of or can articulate what we are feeling (or not).
Awesome Rosie, I Loved reading this post.
This is so awesome and I can completely relate to how I have over ridden anxiety with excitement in many areas of my life. Thank you for sharing this.
Look out for part 2 …. I just had an EBM after writing this and I am amazed at what changes can happen within such a short period of time once we are ready to get honest and move forward.
Great .. I look forward to it.
I agree Amber. I loved reading this blog again and noticing how often I can override feelings in my body and just continue going on… I love when Rosie mentions ‘I have felt uncomfortable I have just allowed things to continue as they are. I have never stopped and chosen another way.’