Esoteric Breast Massage – Helping me with Anxiety

by Rosie Bason, Mullumbimby, NSW, Australia

I realised yesterday after having an Esoteric Breast Massage (EBM) that I have accepted abuse in my life in so many ways, even when my body feels anxiety, being invaded or uncomfortable I have learnt a way to deal with it and not realised or accepted that it is a form of abuse.

In the past when I had an EBM I just wanted to get my breasts massaged, just to get it over and done with. I didn’t really care how my body felt because I was aiming for a result and I had it in my mind that if I didn’t get my breasts massaged then in some way I had failed.

Yesterday I learnt a lot about being an expert in NOT honoring my body and that even when I have felt uncomfortable I have just allowed things to continue as they are. I have never stopped and chosen another way. I wasn’t aware that I had a choice and that there was in fact another way.

What was so beautiful in my recent session was that I had a moment on the table where I felt so at ease, so relaxed and surrendered. However, when the practitioner began to work near my breasts my shoulder blades started to join together at the back and became really tense. My whole body started to tighten. My breathing completely changed as if I was having a full on anxiety attack. From where I was laying there with a gentle breath coming in and out of my nose to suddenly gasping for air and needing to open my mouth to take in a gulp of air. It was then that I realised that my body was showing me that I was not at ease anymore. I was feeling anxious.

When I shared with the practitioner that I was struggling and that I could feel all these changes in my body the practitioner stopped and said that we did not need to impose on my body and I relaxed straight away. When my breasts were covered and the practitioner moved onto another part of my body I returned to that relaxed state, where my breathing was not forced and was calm. It didn’t take long to come back to that stillness and it really revealed how stressed I had become in that moment of my breasts being touched.

So since then, I have been pondering on how often I have been with partners and have had this anxiety but I always thought of it as excitement and had never really felt into it. This was most likely because in that moment of anxiety the way I had learnt to deal with it all was to leave my body, check out and hide in my mind. I would literally ‘take me elsewhere’ so as to not have to feel or deal with what was going on.

Yesterday was the first time that I have not had to push on through or override the anxiety I was experiencing. I felt so supported and loved because the practitioner had no agenda and did not push through the Esoteric Breast Massage. There was no imposing and no need to get to any kind of goal. The goal really was to just honor me. I think in the past I have always pushed through and never stopped and let my body just be.

I look forward to working with my breasts and releasing all the old issues that I have been holding there.

This writing was inspired after having an Esoteric Breast Massage with Mary-Louise Myers at the Universal Medicine clinic.

175 thoughts on “Esoteric Breast Massage – Helping me with Anxiety

  1. EBM’s have been amazingly powerful for me as a woman to give myself permission to feel how lovely I am and how it is OK to feel lovely too. This might be strange to say, but it is true that I have had a difficult time accepting that I can feel lovely, and this has been a super supportive step that I am still working on in terms of going deeper with that acceptance.

  2. Our breasts in particular and any part of our body really, are sensitive and we can hold memories of past abuse that can then be triggered by touch. This has happened to me too, and the bracing of the body can so easily be interpreted as something else (such as Rosie mentioned as excitement of a disturbance), whereas what is needed is simply space and a holding love to feel and let go without any time frame or expectation.

  3. Wow Rosie – how beautiful to give yourself the space and let yourself be without any imposition nor agenda.

  4. An EBM is a very gentle and tender way of revealing any tension or anxiety we are holding in our body. I have come to honour and cherish myself as a woman with the support of EBMs.

  5. It is so true we can be unsettled or anxious in our own relationship with our body in bodywork sessions as EBM. These sessions can reveal all those moments we have overridden or dismissed what the body has felt and has been communicating to us about our relationships in life.

  6. The beauty of an EBM is feeling deeply held in a nurturing space where we can explore the many ways that we have disconnected from our bodies and our breasts and have the opportunity to truly honour ourselves as the tender women that we are.

  7. Nearly my whole life the pressure I have put on myself to reach a certain goal, to be in a certain way that people expected me to be and thus anxiety was my companion most of the time and honouring my body was something I did not know, better said not something I ‘could’ choose. Now I know, having EBM’s and other Universal Medicine therapy sessions I always have the choice to honour myself and my body first and be the woman I am in all my grace and delicateness. The anxiety is not completely gone but at least I know it is a choice and I can come back to me at all times.

  8. This is very beautiful what you share and where you have come to in the extent you now listen to and honour your body.

  9. By listening and heeding what our body is sharing with us allow us to feel how we are in all situations, and this in turn alerts us to areas which still require healing and also to areas that have already been healed.

  10. Realising how much we allow things to continue even though they feel uncomfortable or abusive, and that we don’t feel we have a choice to say no is massive. I feel this is part of the indoctrination that all women receive as they grow up and it affects some aspects of all of our lives. To have permission to acknowledge how you feel and honour that is a huge turning point. It offers a return to the honouring we had as little kids when we didn’t pretend we were ok even when we weren’t feeling ok.

    1. Great point here Fiona – as children we can be more in tune with our body and express how we are feeling. However, as adults we learn to bottle things up and not express as needed, and this then has repercussions later on in life by us not allowing ourselves to really feel and express.

  11. yes how often do we dismiss our internal radar that is communicating to us – whether through anxiety or some other way. I can relate to times I have been intimate with partners and felt the same anxiety that you describe. This is how anxiety can be used to tell us how we are feeling. Rtaher than dismiss, we can accept the feeling which is okay to feel. Often we have such fears, hesitation, resistance to feeling. it’s as though something s saying ‘don’t you dare feel’ as though there is a high risk involved; as though there is a high risk in being ourselves.

  12. How great that you felt and were aware of what was happening in your body , and so could tell the practitioner who honoured your body and changed what they were doing accordingly.

    1. It is so important to be lovingly supported to honour ourselves as we explore our relationship with ourselves as women and the EBM practitioners are so confirming in the support that they offer in their treatment rooms.

  13. What you share here is how I used to be at times, and is so common in many women, ‘ about being an expert in NOT honoring my body and that even when I have felt uncomfortable I have just allowed things to continue as they are. I have never stopped and chosen another way. I wasn’t aware that I had a choice and that there was in fact another way.’ And this can be very subtle, even with a slight feeling of anxiety, do we stop and feel what is causing this, and can I make a different choice?

  14. This is an interesting point.. that we convince ourselves that we need to do something a certain way, or else we’ve ‘failed’.. how many areas of our lives do we put this pressure on ourselves? That we need to be a certain way in our relationship, our work, our homes etc.. that things need to go a certain way, happen by a certain time, for us to feel okay? How liberating and freeing it is when we let go of these expectations and just allow ourselves to be. No right or wrong, it just is what it is, and we learn as we go.

    1. Yes Bryony, the right’s and wrong’s can be very strong in ourselves but it is great to know that it is not coming from the truth inside us but is imposed upon us by ideals and beliefs we have taken on. The moment we become aware of these impositions we can let them go and live instead of survive.

  15. How many moments during one day do we check out and lose our presence due to feeling anxious. When we feel uncomfortable our ingrained instinct is to usually check out and not stay with what we are feeling, healing can never happen if we are not truly feeling the situation.

    1. Spot on Sam – it is a classic thing that I too do, when there is something I do not like, I check out or get busy so as not to feel. Whereas the greatest gift we can give ourselves is to keep feeling and then be aware of what it is that we do not like that we are feeling.

  16. There is such safety and trust created when we are not imposed upon by another and allowed to come to change in our own time.

  17. An EBM is a very tender but profound way of revealing everything that we hold within our body, even issues that we did not realise were there.

  18. Anxiety has been such a constant through my life that it amazing me the places I am still finding it! Always great to expose it and get to see what is underneath. Great sharing Rosie.

  19. In not speaking up and honouring how we are feeling we disempower ourselves and escalate our anxiousness because we have disconnected from our body and gone into our mind so there is no steady foundation in which hold ourselves.

  20. We learn to override the body when it has such amazing wisdom to share with us and we don’t think twice as this way of being is a form of abuse. Yet as I learn to speak and stand up listening to my body it can create reactions in others. My body knows, speaks loud and clear and it is my responsibility to listen to it regardless what comes my way as I do so.

  21. Thank you for sharing how having an EBM exposed levels of anxiety and abuse that you had overridden for so long. I have only recently acknowledged how much anxiety I have lived with in so many situations and how this has affected me. EBMs are so supportive in this process because it is such a loving and safe environment to explore the ways that we have shut down and disconnected from what our bodies are communicating to us.

  22. Rosie I loved your honesty in this blog, to actually just honour yourself without trying to come to some kind of outcome is inspiring, whatever healing modality we choose, we find that a lot gets revealed to us during the session without having to push through any discomfort as that is already telling us much that we need to understand.

  23. There is a tendency, I have noticed, for women in general to regard ourselves as being faulty in some way, for there to be faults that we constantly need to improve or hide. And I wonder if anxiety about how we are feeling has become caught up in this way of thinking? If when we are feeling uneasy about a situation, rather than stopping to listen to what our bodies are telling us, we click in to that way of thinking that says ‘no – that is just something wrong with you to feel that way and you must override it so as to be normal and not disturb what is happening’. This to me is basically the fundamentals of how we are silencing ourselves as women and have done so throughout the ages.

  24. In the past I would also override what I was feeling, learning to trust and honour my feelings has been key to deepening the relationship with myself and the EBM modality supports all women beautifully with this.

  25. We get very good at pushing down our awareness of any anxiety or our discomfort with other people, so we can appear to keep going along with what society says is the norm. This is part of the abuse we accept as women to appear to be nice, easy going, compliant, even to get or keep a partner. I find this is an abuse that we inflict on ourselves, as we can choose to honour our bodies more than living to fit in with and hide in the crowds.

  26. What a fabulous moment for you Rosie, to actually nominate what was happening when it was happening and letting your practitioner know about it. I’ve found recently that anxiety is more present in my life than I had realised and the key to dealing with it is to notice when it arrives and exactly how it feels. Occasionally it can be very obvious – like the panic I can feel looking at uni work – but often it is very subtle, almost normalised and hard to detect. Developing a great sense of awareness of what is going on for us in any given moment is important.

  27. Thank you Rosie for sharing this experience with haven an EBM so openly many women will relate to, going into their head overriding what the body is communicating. Honouring our body asks us to trust ourselves again and start loving who we are no matter what. The wisdom of our body will take us by the hand when we listen and act on its signals. For me this is a process of getting more honest, without beating myself up when I do override what I feel but to accept and appreciate where I am at.

  28. The beauty of sharing how the body reacted is a powerful gift to all women. Because like Rosie has shared, for much of her life she left her body and retreated into her mind to avoid feeling how she was truly feeling. To begin to have the strength and trust to again stay present and deeply in the body as things arise is the moment that honesty enters our lives.

  29. This modality exposes everything we keep locked inside as women, it asks us to connect to who we truly are and from this place, we realise how much we have allowed and how much we have just accepted in order to not make a fuss.
    It can be confronting but it is always clear that it is simply energy from the past coming up to heal, it doesn’t happen over night but you do get to the point were you feel completely free and normal and enjoy to vast benefits of feeling more empowered and solid as a women in the world.

  30. I feel that we do this more often than we care to realise.
    “This was most likely because in that moment of anxiety the way I had learnt to deal with it all was to leave my body, check out and hide in my mind. I would literally ‘take me elsewhere’ so as to not have to feel or deal with what was going on.”
    Is it possible that because our bodies are running with so much nervous tension and or anxiety that this is contributing to the high levels of illness and disease we are experiencing in our society today. I know many people who use alcohol, drugs and food as a way to suppress the levels of stress they are feeling. This to me feels a false way to live because as soon as you stop taking the alcohol, drugs and or food the nervousness and anxiety is still there it hasn’t gone anywhere, all we do is use these things as a form of relief but it’s an illusion because nothing changes.

  31. What a healing Rosie on so many levels… you expressing how your body felt, which was a new thing than what you have allowed yourself to do in the past and also to be with a practitioner that fully held you in respect of what was coming up for you and honoured that. Beautiful! I can so relate to feeling anxiety rise up in my body and think it was because I just need to get over something or push through or ‘just let go’ more. But in truth part of it was me ignoring my body and terrified of expressing what was needed at the time, and saying no. Sympathy and protection has also been a large part of me not expressing.

  32. It is beautiful to allow ourselves to feel this, ‘I had a moment on the table where I felt so at ease, so relaxed and surrendered.’ Imagine how it will be if we all live in this way of being.

  33. Thank you Rosie, for sharing so openly, I can very much relate to overriding this feeling of anxiety and I am learning to allow myself to be more at ease in my body and to notice when my body tenses up and to lovingly support myself in those moments.

  34. The anxieties we uncover during sessions like these illustrates very clearly how disconnection from ourselves leaves us open to abuse from others. But the first abuse, the self-abuse, is the leaving behind of ourselves.

  35. Mistaking anxiety for excitement – I think that’s a big issue for many of us. And not only in the sexual realm – I know I have convinced myself in the past that the so-called ‘butterflies’ in my stomach I felt at the start of some new relationships were a sign of something good. Wrong! It was my body’s way of saying it was not right to proceed, which I wilfully mis-interpreted as ‘go ahead’… and then wasted a lot of time dealing with the fall-out.

    1. Victoria I too can relate to overriding initial feelings that gave me everything I needed to know at the time. When these feelings are dishonoured then I have to deal with all the complications that inevitably follow.

  36. It is quite amazing what we hold in our breasts, they seem to and can be a store house for so much that we throw into our bodies and expect it to just process in some way. It is through the esoteric breast massage that can unlock some pretty unruly behaviours that we’ve subjected ourselves to. Which is really amazing and very supportive.

    1. So true Reagan, I wasn’t aware of this before I was introduced to Esoteric healing and the EBM, how much we store in our bodies and how much lighter we can feel when we are able to release that and so much freer too.

  37. “Even when I have felt uncomfortable I have just allowed things to continue as they are. I have never stopped and chosen another way. I wasn’t aware that I had a choice and that there was in fact another way.” I can relate to your words here Rosie, I often felt uncomfortable, anxious and very sensitive and put up with a lot of things that didn’t feel right but lacked the confidence to do anything about it. The EBM sessions have enabled me to choose to build a far deeper and more loving relationship with myself and a self-confidence within so that the anxiety I used to feel no longer takes hold.

  38. Heavens I have pushed through way too many times, I would say it was my normal. What you shared here is so important and empowers us all. Giving ourselves permission to feel and say yes…or no.

  39. In your sharing Rosie,
    I can really relate, I can also sense that many women have similar feelings around their breasts being touched and have also retreated into the head, leaving the body in times of feeling anxious and unsure. I am coming to sense that when I do this, it is essentially leaving my body open to be abused. But the first person to harm my body is me, by not staying with it and honestly feeling it and supporting it as needed. This is taking me to a greater understanding of the responsibility that I hold when it comes to living in this body I have.

    1. Good point Leigh, I did not even know the difference between being in my head, neglecting the body and actually being in and with my body – this marker I learned through tools that were given to me by Universal Medicine.

  40. I love that Rosie, that you let go of what was to happen, and your practitioner clearly supported this and stopped with your Esoteric Breast Massage, how honouring of you and your body and what a great learning where you got to feel how in other situations you may not have honoured yourself. Often when we let go of images and just feel where our bodies are at, we can then deeply honour our bodies, and we give ourselves the freedom to change how we are and be loving with our bodies and the choices we make.

  41. The other day I realised when another was being judgmental and critical with a choice I was making how I was letting in abuse. My body felt very uncomfortable and tense with a feeling of giving up because of what the other was saying. I had noticed this reaction before but this time it was very clear to me what was happening. I stayed with what I was feeling and honoured my body in what was coming up. Abuse to the body can happen in very subtle ways if we choose to ignore the signs our body communicates with us but as we surrender and observe we can let go of old behaviours that do not support us.

  42. Recently I stepped in an old pattern of pushing trough and was not even aware of making this choice to get to a certain point. The moment that I became honest about how tense and hard my body felt plus an incident at work that was caused by my being disconnected to my body I stopped and let go of the goal I had in mind that already did not felt true to my body when I started my day. It took my body some time to recover from this pushing through and the anxiousness that came with it. A great learning in allowing to honour my body and put this on the first place always.

  43. Rosie it’s great what your share, is becoming aware of honouring your body and not overriding any anxiousness. Like you say it is so easy to stop feeling and shut down to avoid feeling the anxiousness and therefore ignoring and overriding what the body is saying. When we are truly able to understand what the anxiousness is presenting we are then able to look at choices to help heal it.

  44. Rosie what a profound sharing of observing and honouring your body and what you are feeling. Even the act of not honouring feeling too hot or too cold and overriding that can be us putting up with abuse. Understanding that our body is in constant communication with us has been something that has been life changing for me.

  45. Often and I still find that that anxiety and bracing, if not fed by the outside world and what is occurring can be maintained by my own judgements towards the bracing and tense behaviours. What is beautiful in the Esoteric Healing sessions is that we are provided a reflection from another that on a deep level communicates to us that we need not judge, brace or fight. And the more I surrender in this quality the more I let go of the hurts that result in the tension in the first place.

    1. Yes, I feel that too – that I add to the tension and bracing I feel in my body when I react against feeling like that, instead of accepting that that’s how I feel in that moment, and being completely okay with it. It shows me how I fight my own feelings, or avoid them, which in itself creates an anxiousness.

  46. Anxiety is something that is very prevalent in our society today, as you have called out Rosie, especially for women when it can come to being intimate with a partner or just in daily interactions with people. Having EBM’s has allowed my personally to go deeper with my own relationship, being more present in the body, and fostering my wanting to be more gently and loving with myself, this in turn, is how I then interact with others.

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