by Bryony, London UK
I’m almost embarrassed to admit that until very recently I thought ‘nurturing’ was a synonym for narcissism, gentleness was for wimps, and sharing was self-indulgent.
I attended an Esoteric Women’s Group and just didn’t get it: ‘What’s with all this love in the room and talk of tenderness? Surely they must be faking it?!’ I rejected the people who were there – most of them just like me – because I thought that talking about yourself was either for people with enormous problems, or for people who had no problems, but wanted some anyway. It didn’t fit in with my ideas of working hard and getting on with it.
I thought: I have no issues, my life is so perfect and I’m so ‘healthy’, I do yoga twice a week and I don’t even have to give up smoking!
But in spite of my resistance I kept coming back, without knowing why.
Slowly I began to come down from my head and into my body, get over my arrogance and realise that actually, these women were not what I’d expected
- They weren’t riddled with insecurity and hung up on their own issues
- They were powerful and strong and just getting on with it
- They looked like they were having fun
- They were real.
No airy-fairy rainbow-clad paths to self-enlightenment here, this was about dealing with your stuff and getting over yourself.
Attending the Esoteric Women’s group, reading the blogs these women write, and hearing stories from other women has been like a mirror and a spotlight reflecting my own reactions right back at me and prompting me to look deeper within.
After I’d stopped hiding behind my cloak of judgment I realised that my fake façade of perfection was held together with old bits of sellotape – completely see-through to everyone but me – and was something I was clinging onto so dearly that I felt I had no idea who I was anymore. I began to consider
- What if I suspended my disbelief that tenderness and vulnerability are who I am, and actually paid attention to how my body was feeling in that moment, in every moment?
- What if all that striving, working hard, and pushing myself has served no other purpose other than to completely wear me out?
- What if I stopped expecting other people to act the way I want them to act (and then blaming them when they inevitably don’t) and focus on what I’m bringing to that moment?
What would my life be like if I stopped pretending and accepted myself for who I truly am?
I began to pay attention and noticed small but perhaps not insignificant things
- The way I pushed myself to go on long runs, then felt tired for days afterwards
- The way I washed myself in the bath was strikingly similar to how I scour really filthy pans
- How I react with frustration when a friend gets unnecessarily upset over (what I perceive to be) nothing significant.
Letting go of the image of myself of who I thought I wanted to be, and softening to allow other possibilities in, has been a bumpy road and very exposing, but ultimately awesome. I can start to feel me again underneath all those layers I added to myself but didn’t ever really need to.
I’m about to move countries, and for a while I was excited about a fresh new start. Until I realised that actually, I don’t want to re-create myself again.
I just want to leave behind what isn’t me, like the bag of old clothes that no longer fit me or feel like me, and return to the real tender me again.
Women in Livingness Blog 
Honouring how we feel is the starting point to develop a healthy relationship with ourselves. It is a question that we can respond to us in every given moment and then move our body accordingly. This is a way of living that makes completely sense to me, for if we don’t consider how we are, if we leave ourselves behind creating a façade of good to please others… what’s the real quality of our daily living?
Pretending that everything is ok when it’s not…this was my normal as well. Also waking up sad and exhausted. However I didn’t even consider that could be another way. Then one day I found men and women in my life like you described above Bryony who inspired me to be real and very honest with how I feel. They reminded me that we are not here to suffer but to bring our beauty in our day to day. They are role models to me and deeply inspire me to honour my feelings and to love myself with no conditons. Thanks for sharing such a relatable experience, it’s a joy to read you.
‘Opening up (A Can of Glorious Worms) – Returning to the Truly Tender Woman Within’, the key word for me in this title is the word ‘returning’ because our attention as women is firmly fixed on what we can acquire in order to either ‘get ahead’ or ‘better ourselves’. We love tips, tricks and courses, we love role models, images and ideals, basically we’re stuck in the illusion that if we can mould and adapt ourselves enough then we can have whatever we want but this is simply not true. However what I am finding is that the ‘traditional’ things that we aspire to as women, ‘looking attractive, having a great partner, having a successful job’ all pale into utter significance compared to the absolute glory of the treasure that is within us all. It sounds corny I know but by keeping our eyes permanently fixed on the horizon we miss out on the absolute gold that’s right under our noses, (regardless of whether we ‘like’ the shape of our noses or not!)
The amount of pain and anguish that I have caused myself and others through my intensely controlling and manipulating ways has been nothing short of extreme and yet the ironic thing is that the underlying motivation behind my controlling ways was to avoid the pain that I anticipated feeling had I allowed things to simply pan out the way they were set to pan out.
A deepening awareness of how we care for and treat ourselves can influence how we do everything, including how we clean a filthy pan as who is the next person to eat food from that pan?
It is amazing to feel how in developing an honest and honouring relationship with ourselves there is always more to discover of who we are, more to appreciate of how glorious we are and more to confirm of the power we can live when we honor our sacredness. For me this is a never-ending journey of self-discovery, inspiration and awe of who we are in essence and what is truly possible for us to live.
Whilst it may be uncomfortable and exposing it is actually really easy to let go all we held onto as truth even though they were not. It just asks us to be totally honest with what we were choosing and why.
That’s a great point… while we don’t have issues that are actually part of our core, we do need to look at what the layers of issues are that we’ve created on top of who we are, identifying them to let them go. Through that process of self honesty we develop a deeper relationship and understanding of ourselves, and all others.
It’s great to be able to nominate what we have been doing that does not serve us and equally great to appreciate what we do to support us. The deeper we go the deeper can our honesty be and this allows our expression to inspire us all to shed those old coats and stand in all our tender glory.
“I just want to leave behind what isn’t me”, there is no greater path to health and wellness.
The arrogance with which I used to react to anyone that I perceived as being pathetic and wimpish was my judgmental way of trying to block the pull of the tenderness that they were offering me which I had resisted for many years until I started attending the Esoteric Women’s Groups and slowly allowed myself to start to thaw the many layers of protection that I had built up in a vain attempt to protect myself from the being hurt by the rejection of others whilst never recognising that the person who was rejecting me first was me! I am humbled by other women’s willingness to be open with me and my heart melts and my innate tenderness is revealed for all to share.
And here’s me thinking I was the only one whose “fake façade of perfection was held together with old bits of Sellotape”. In fact, it was something I said regularly, as the regular bouts of exhaustion I suffered from for so many years threatened to stop me in my tracks once again with some sort of illness. What a love-less way that was to live. It took until my mid-50’s, and my first Universal Medicine workshop, to realise how huge the façade was; no wonder the beautiful woman I actually am, was having trouble emerging from behind it.
My ‘fake facade’ was as a ‘healthy and spiritual yoga teacher’. I was utterly convinced that that was who I was and so was everybody around me and then almost over night my body (which I’d hammered regularly for 20 years with strenuous exercise) just kind of packed up and the image of who I was came crashing down. Initially I was dumb founded, I didn’t really know what had happened. It took me a while to piece together the facts. Basically I had been living from an image of what was ‘good’ for me rather than from the truth of what was good for me and eventually the truth of the harm that I had done to myself was revealed and I had no choice but to look at not only the beliefs that I held around exercise but over time all of my beliefs. I have subsequently come to the understanding that all beliefs are lies and therefore all beliefs interfere with the truth of who we all are. The body on the other hand always displays the truth and is not able to lie. But just to add that this isn’t quite as clear cut as it sounds because I would have sworn blind that my body was telling me that it loved to exercise but that was because I was able to ignore the pain that I was constantly in as a result of the strenuous exercise.
I love your honesty, responsibility, and what you share in the previous comment Elizabeth, ‘ But now since attending Universal Medicine presentations I have slowly come to realise that in order to live in harmony with myself, others and the world, it is first necessary to uncover and heal the root causes of my own issues’.
Thank you for your sharing with this blog, I appreciate where you came to in choosing to be the naturally tender woman you are, ‘I just want to leave behind what isn’t me, like the bag of old clothes that no longer fit me or feel like me, and return to the real tender me again.’
Yes it is like we force ourselves to conform to what we feel we need to project to the world to not get hurt but once we reconnect with our tenderness we don’t need to dress ourselves with layers of protection.
I love this Bryony, letting go of our pictures and expectations is a beautiful choice and commitment to make, ‘What if I stopped expecting other people to act the way I want them to act (and then blaming them when they inevitably don’t) and focus on what I’m bringing to that moment?’
It’s easy to see what others should do, and how the world is crazy and yet if we bring it back to us and see how we’re being in that moment it adds a layer of awareness, of responsibility which even brings a simplicity to life for we learn to see our part and to take care of it, and in doing so we create a space for others to do the same.
Accepting ourselves for who we truly are – so different to the ‘trying’ and wanting to improve, which often involves comparison. Appreciating who we truly are also supports us hugely.
So simple ‘I don’t want to recreate me’ .. and that’s it for most of us, it’s really about coming back to the realness and simplicity of who we are, and letting go all the added layers and complications we brought in, which we don’t need. And knowing in this we’re not broken, that underneath all those layers we’re there ready and waiting.
There can indeed be a true simplicity and transparency in ‘sharing’ with one another, by way of openness and genuine intimacy that we can learn and support one another to evolve, rather than the way it is sometimes used to dump or impose our ‘issues’ or emotions onto another.
“But in spite of my resistance I kept coming back, without knowing why”. I love this about the Esoteric and I have heard similar things said many times before. It creates a pull from your body, your inner essence that overrides any conscious choice. About time the tables were turned and the mind is overridden by the body!
Yes Fiona the mind is such a control freak but the body will always be there guiding us on our path of return.
We are divine beings and when we are open to this truth life unfolds magically and we honour ourselves in many beautiful ways.
Beautiful and honest and it is a awesome that this is shared, we are really able to shift our old habits when we are open to inspiration… and where to start is by being honest about what is exposed through reacting to others and situations, so not blaming but learning.
it is indeed such a beautiful thing to open up to… The loving caring tender embrace of our own true nature
I have been doing the work of being tender with myself for some time – over a decade. It’s now poignantly obvious when I’m not. I have settled for less so often through moment to moment where it takes a committed focus to actually ‘settle’ for more. The HUGE difference is it takes no energy to be more, it gives you energy. Who said ‘hard work’ wasn’t good for you??
I can relate to being frustrated with other women who took ‘inordinate’ amount of time or self care as it exposed the neglectful way I treated my body as purely a thing of function.
I love your honesty in this blog and I love this Bryony . . . “I just want to leave behind what isn’t me, like the bag of old clothes that no longer fit me or feel like me, and return to the real tender me again.” . . . beautifully said.
To truly know myself is to get real in the world that is to take responsibility to the best of my ability for everything that happens to me and to commit to all areas of my life. There is no magic wand, no-one to do it for me and no-one to blame but to be willing to take every opportunity in life as it comes to grow and expand my light and love so that I am a reflection in the world. The Way of the Livingness, a very grounded approach to life is that which supports me.
“What would my life be like if I stopped pretending and accepted myself for who I truly am?” And then the revelations begin as you gently peel back all the layers you have been hiding under.
This made me laugh Bryony “The way I washed myself in the bath was strikingly similar to how I scour really filthy pans”, it’s a funny description but also very telling of the way we are with ourselves – in all ways whether that be in the way we bathe, self-talk or even expect to be treated by others. I notice that although the hard and rushed attitude has dropped away, there is more and more fragility and sensitivity to embrace.
I truly appreciate the women’s groups and all they offer us, it is a wonderful opportunity to let go of the false beliefs we hold, that stop us truly connecting to ourselves as women and with others, watching a woman in her true tenderness as she walks in grace is such an inspiration and there is true power there too. To be part of this wonderful unfoldment is truly a blessing.
Well said Sally, a woman walking in her grace, communicates directly with what we know to be true within ourselves also.
A woman in her true, true grace is silently communicating the depths of the Universe to all those who can see her and equally to all those who can’t.
Having hidden behind the protective cloak of arrogance and judgement for so much of my life it has been a complete revelation to attend Women’s groups and start to explore what it truly means to love and care for myself and to feel the amazing support that is on offer when I become willing to open up and accept it. The recognition that we are never alone unless we choose to isolate ourselves brings up sadness for my past choices but is replaced by the joy of exploring my tender self and sharing that with all.
‘Coming down from our head to our body’ has the potential to be life changing as we are offered another way to live in this world, one that is not driven by the mind that, in my experience, tends to lead us astray. Instead we are lovingly supported by a body that I have discovered has the most amazing intelligence; it always takes in to account every single part of the body as having an equal importance.
So often as women we don’t ever truly talk about what is going on- at the deeper levels and open up about this, it is like we all still feel like we have to have a facade of having it all together. When we drop this it is very freeing as we let go of conditions and expectations that we place on ourselves.
“What would my life be like if I stopped pretending and accepted myself for who I truly am?” A great question Bryony. As women we are bombarded with images of how we could be, ought to be and think that’s how we want to be, without stopping to feel whe we truly are deep inside. Accepting and appreciating who we really are, both the warts and flowers, the vulnerabilities and the joy, enables us to be real, and inspires others to be the same.
Beautiful Bryony, a real testament and revelation about the Esoteric Womens Groups and all women and their true power and glory when connected to and lived .
“What would my life be like if I stopped pretending and accepted myself for who I truly am?” a great question to ponder and claim for oneself as a true women from deep inside ourselves.
You can add ‘self-love’ to the list of cringe inducing words that I also used to dismiss as airy fairy or self-indulgent. This is no surprise really as many people when they embark on a path of self-help or self discovery or betterment do approach it with a degree of indulgence or narcissism. Add to this the world belief that if you are into yourself and really value yourself then you are ‘up yourself’ and ‘too big for your boots’ or just fussy and flimsy. It seems there are so many beliefs in the world designed to put us off taking care of ourselves in the real true sense.
It was only when I saw how a relation treated my young son, with put-downs as being ‘too big for his boots’, (who was brimful of confidence at that time,) that I saw how I too had been treated, sapping any confidence and being ‘put in my place.’ We need to raise young ones to feel ‘full of themselves’, because if they feel empty then young people will go after all sorts of things ‘out there’ like drink, drugs, attention-getting etc in order to fill up, rather than know they are enough just being themselves.
For me even telling someone that they are ‘enough just being themselves’ does not convey the enormity of who we all are. Let’s educate our kids with the facts, let’s tell them that they are potential portals for Heaven, let’s reflect to them that Heaven can pour through us if we move in a particular way and that ‘our’ words can be God’s words as can our movements be gifted from God. Let’s not hold back on the absolute glory of who we all are. We are spectacular beyond belief, it’s time that we claimed it.
Your comment about washing yourself in the bath made me laugh Bryony and I recognised that one myself – catching myself washing my body or brushing my teeth or drying myself with a towel in a rough or careless way and then stopping and asking myself – why on earth am I doing it this way? What am I getting out of it? And just because I have done something a certain way for many years or on auto-pilot does not mean it is truly self-loving or supportive.
Attending these women’s groups has changed the way I interact with people, and given me a greater understanding that we are all the same and going through the same stuff, no matter what our situation in life.
We are all the same, we are all portals for one of two types of energy and the only thing that truly differentiates us from one another is which of the two types of energy is pouring through us.
Great sharing Bryony, and great revelation. I was brought up to believe that loving yourself was basically the sin of vanity and is selfish and self centred . . .how bizarre is that when loving and caring for ourselves is paramount to loving and truly caring for others.
I too have had to upend how I feel about how to live life and what truly matters. It’s obvious to me now. I do enjoy my life and all that is in it, simply because I chose to let go of thinking about self love in a negative way. It is not narcissistic or indulgent, it is very needed, and in turn supports so many people.
I love this blog, what an awesome contribution. What a real gem, you have voiced so many things I felt when I first attended woman’s groups. I see it in my friends that dont attend things like this, if I mention to them what I am up to, there is apart of them that thinks they have it all going on and don’t need any help. What is so ironic, is when you begin to open yourself up to others and the support that is on offer, you wonder why on earth you were not humble enough to do it sooner, its really laughable when I look back. So much defense, so much protection, when all that was and is being offered is love.
Your reflection of living real and allowing you to come out is so powerful for other women to see and feel. I find when we don’t like someone or have a reaction, it’s mostly due to the unreal facade they are putting on… and our own facade receiving that.
Being vulnerable or fragile really rocks most women’s worlds when it’s even mentioned, as loving and we should allow ourselves to be. A lady I spoke with recently had tears when I mentioned being vulnerable and swore she would never let herself be that…. I could relate feeling the same way when I first was introduced to even the concept of self-love! The thing is, is that the true meaning of words and actions have been reinterpreted to suit our perception of what we or others need them to be. This blog is great for re-imprinting this and bringing truth to what our bodies already sense and know.
Gorgeous that you came to this, ‘I just want to leave behind what isn’t me, like the bag of old clothes that no longer fit me or feel like me, and return to the real tender me again.’
Attending the Esoteric Women groups has really helped me discover and expose all that isn’t me, struggling to let go of my identity because without it who would I be and as I let go more and more I discover that there is no need for that identity, because when there is love there is no need for anything else.
A gorgeous to blog to return to. I love this line – ‘Slowly I began to come down from my head and into my body…” as it exposes the trap many of us have fallen for. That being the trap of allowing our mind to tell us that we can discover who we are as women comes from images and pictures that society presents us with. Yet in fact all that we need to know, of what it truly means to be a loving, tender and beautiful woman, already lies within our bodies, within the heart of each and every one of us, simply waiting to be embrace, appreciated, cherished and lived. As from here we embody the sacredness of all that we are as women.
“I just want to leave behind what isn’t me, like the bag of old clothes that no longer fit me or feel like me, and return to the real tender me again.” This is beautiful to feel and something so many of us want to do and you are a real inspiration for all women and their choices.
Bryony I laughed at the way you started this blog. I really appreciate your honesty. I recognise the disbelief and discomfort with the use of the words ‘love’ and ‘tenderness.’ Who talks like that? I think it used to make me uncomfortable because it reminded me of the tender loving woman I had abandoned to become hard, shut down and driven. I am very much enjoying reconnecting to me and discarding the layers of protection that have kept me away from myself and others. I am also now able to use the words love and tenderness when describing myself – a big deal for me to acknowledge and appreciate.
Uncovering who we truly are can be very uncomfortable when we start to discover how unloving we have been to ourselves and others and the impact our choices have not only on ourselves but the rest of humanity too.
I love that Bryony return to the real tender me, and daily I am finding how much more tender I can be with myself, that there’s not a fixed point where I tender (or done like a piece of meat!), it’s that I am forever feeling the greater depths of tenderness I can be with myself and others, and appreciating it and loving exploring it more. There appears to be no bottom to this tenderness and it forever surprises when I allow it.
I love the playful title of this blog – a great reminder to not take ourselves too seriously!
‘What would my life be like if I stopped pretending and accepted myself for who I truly am?’ Once we start peeling away the veneer we have used to obscure the real us from others we are able to appreciate the beauty that we bring to ourselves and others. Until I attended the Esoteric Women’s Group in London I didn’t have a clue how to go about this but the unfolding journey I have been on for the last few years has been both challenging and awesome and the support of other women has been crucial in this process.
Another thing that I connected with in your article Bryony is that I too have just begun to allow myself to feel and to move as I want to move from the center of my being, and this is completely different to how I have moved and treated my body for most of my life. Since I have been moving this way I am beginning to feel me. That I am beautiful, graceful, fragile and tender. It really does bring tears to my eyes when I consider that most of my life has been lived without even knowing the delicate beautiful woman I am, but not now, I am beginning to know her even more deeply each day.
Bryony,
“What if I stopped expecting other people to act the way I want them to act (and then blaming them when they inevitably don’t) and focus on what I’m bringing to that moment?”
When I read focus on what I bring to that moment, I could feel the beauty of how being responsible for myself is all that is needed. My body physically surrendered as innately I know all that I bring, however I have simply not allowed myself to be this, hense the constant tension in my body. Yet your words took me straight there, nothing else mattered about how another is being or choosing, all that matters is that I love them as much as I love me.
“I just want to leave behind what isn’t me, like the bag of old clothes that no longer fit me or feel like me, and return to the real tender me again.” A beautiful reflection of what the Women’s Groups and Universal Medicine can bring us to feel. However uncomfortable we sometimes feel it keeps pulling us back as we know it is truth that is shared.
Once we start to see, as Bryony has, a more honest reflection of ourselves, it is a profound opportunity to, as Bryony has done, start to initiate change and evolution… or one can quickly slam the door shut, and re-adopt the seemingly fail-safe head-in-the-sand approach until the steam roller rolls over you.
All those layers we have added because we have the idea we are protected by them, to find out it has only complicated the way we live and covered who we are, how images of how we and our life should look like feed that which is not true. Like you say Bryony all the layers are not needed and to let go of these layers by letting go of the images we have is such a freeing experience and makes us who we are, true, loving and joyful again.
Bryony, your blog is so refreshing, you had me smiling and nodding in acknowledgement as I read, I know many of the ruses you speak of and how they’re just not true and I’m learning more each day about each of them as I let them go. It really is simply about coming back to us, and in particular your comment on getting frustrated with others was a loud clanger for me today, that question ‘focus on what I’m bringing to that moment?’ – that’s brilliant and something I’ve done this week with an awkward situation, I stopped expecting the other to be a certain way and cam back to me and what I was doing and the space opened up, suddenly we were talking and I realised I’d been holding our relationship in an expectation that it had to be a certain way and not allowing it to be as it is. A beautiful lesson and your blog reminds me of how much we learn when drop our arrogance and become willing to see what is being shown to us. Thank you.
It strikes me every time how we perceive ourselves and think we are doing well, whereas in truth we are exploiting our bodies. I have similar experiences concerning yoga practise and doing sports. I never would have thought at this time that I numb my body with these practises. Feeling me today is totally different, much more gentlle, but getting more and more rid of the numbing is work in progress.
And to finally understand that what is inside us, who we truly are, is so tender and so delicate, and then to start living this way that reflects this,… This is an extremely beautiful experience that it is possible for all of us to one day come to.
This is great to read, it shows the hardness so many women are in that is clearly not supportive of the tenderness and stillness they naturally are. It is great to read how this can turn around, and you can feel supported by others living this already.
Another great question you pose Bryony. Blaming others is so much part of our culture and way of life, until we begin to realise how irresponsible (and exhausting) it is to live this way. Rather than blaming we could bring joy and understanding to that moment.
“What if I stopped expecting other people to act the way I want them to act (and then blaming them when they inevitably don’t) and focus on what I’m bringing to that moment?”
‘What if all that striving, working hard, and pushing myself has served no other purpose other than to completely wear me out?’ A great question to bring a stop and pause for reflection on our life – as incredulous as it seemed when I first heard this in a Serge Benhayon presentation, my making different choices, I now know that it is true – Exhaustion is a modern day plague that most people have no idea they are living in it as everyone else is in the same state = it is normal!
Ha Ha! How true this is Brony, but well worth the exposure and the work to be more honest with ourselves and face the challenges ‘getting over ourselves’ brings!
“No airy-fairy rainbow-clad paths to self-enlightenment here, this was about dealing with your stuff and getting over yourself”.
This is beautiful Bryony.What you say is so true: ”After I’d stopped hiding behind my cloak of judgment I realised that my fake façade of perfection was held together with old bits of sellotape – completely see-through to everyone but me – and was something I was clinging onto so dearly that I felt I had no idea who I was anymore.” I felt like this for whole my life, I had a big sellotape wrapped around me, for no one to see me, I was living in full hiding of who I am.. It is now , very recently that I see that this big sellotape is over, and I must take it off again, as I am ready to show all of me again, even when I get hurt , which at times we do.
Oh my goodness me, so many of us spend so much time in the throws of getting hurt. We talk about it, we hold grudges over it, we lament over it, we wallow in our hurts, we spend lifetimes licking our wounds and yet none of it is real, not a smidgeon. There is nothing about the truth of who we all are that can possibly be hurt, not because we are bullet proof but because we are the livingness of love and there is no such thing as self in the livingness of love and so who’s there to get hurt? Answer…no one.
“Letting go of the image of myself of who I thought I wanted to be, and softening to allow other possibilities in, has been a bumpy road and very exposing, but ultimately awesome.” Oh yes Bryony I am with you on this, there is nothing more beautiful than to just surrender and let all the hardness and ideals of who I was go and be the tender, delicate, angelic woman that I am.
The very fact that you thought that nurturing was “synonym for narcissism, gentleness was for wimps, and sharing was self-indulgent” shows how strikingly far most are from understanding what tenderness and love truly are and who their true essence inside is. This alone should be alarm bells for our society to wake up to the truth of what life is truly about
This false fusion of narcissism and nurturing is so insidious and rife across the globe. It stands in the way of the delicate truth about where our true power and strength lies
Bryony, your words “What if I suspended my disbelief that tenderness and vulnerability are who I am, and actually paid attention to how my body was feeling in that moment, in every moment?” By connecting to ourselves through tenderness builds our confidence as women, and being a woman is not about what we do, but who we truly are.
It is gorgeous that you felt impulsed to return to these Esoteric Women’s Groups and deeply benefited from the awareness this inspired in you to consider another way than that which you had been living. It is not until you start discarding everything that you are not that you start to truly appreciate who you are and realise you no longer need the sellotape to hold the facades together for they naturally fall away.
I also found it hard initially to ‘get’ what was going on with people when I first started to attend Universal Medicine presentations – everyone hugging each other and laughing etc. I assumed it was all a façade. How wrong was I!! Over time I have started to feel more open with people and found the love that has poured back in has been quite revealing. I now realise that it was there all along but that it was my stubbornness and defences that just wouldn’t allow me to accept it. Furthermore, that what was offered was actually something I also have within me. How amazing is that!
we do have these images of who we are, and they are virtually always corrupted by our memories and hurts and beliefs… To start to explore and realize our true inner selves is incredibly liberating and is the foundation of self-love, that wonderful pathway to our own divinity
Such a great blog that I can relate to very much. You sharing that: “What if I suspended my disbelief that tenderness and vulnerability are who I am, and actually paid attention to how my body was feeling in that moment, in every moment?” I can recall many moments of feeling that people were a little too sensitive or too tender with themselves, then later, when I let go of the protection coming from arrogance and denial, actually feeling that that sensitivity and tenderness is in me too and something I just adore to be living in.
Bryony I loved your interpretation of the women’s group at the beginning. It was very playful and similar to how I felt when I first attended Universal Medicine. I could also relate to this line ‘What if all that striving, working hard, and pushing myself has served no other purpose other than to completely wear me out?’ When I owned my own business this is exactly how I operated and by the end or even before that I was completely worn out. Thankfully I am starting to be more tender with myself and the way my body reacts to this tenderness is so loving and amazing. It feels like silk on the inside.
“I just want to leave behind what isn’t me, like the bag of old clothes that no longer fit me or feel like me, and return to the real tender me again.” A beautiful moment of enlightenment crowning many ‘aha moments’ after opening up to the possibility that what was offered by the reflection of other beautiful women was something to consider and see how does it feel in your own body. True learnings like this never go away.
There is no doubt Bryony, dealing with our stuff and discovering who we really are underneath it all is the only way to go. Thanks for your blog – how was the move to a new country?
Well said in a nutshell Gina. Our only way is to heal. So this blog is our start.
Bryony, what a tremendously beautiful and real blog!
One comment: “No airy-fairy rainbow-clad paths to self-enlightenment here, this was about dealing with your stuff and getting over yourself.”
Could it be less about getting over ourself but being our true self? Though you have a great point “getting over all of yourself that isn’t actually true” and you probably meant that.
Thank you for your blog.
Honest account of becoming a student of our own body, thanks Byrony. ‘…hiding behind the cloak of judgement’ that stands out for me, I can feel how I have used judgment as a false form of protection, a way to make myself feel better, this and some of the other things I have done in the past strike me as somewhat amusing now. Also, the understanding that it is the not what I add to myself, but what I let go of that allows more of who I am, is something to remind myself of from time to time. Thanks.
There is nothing like a good dose of honesty. Often I can find myself in judgement of others without even realising that I cast the same judgement on myself. I enjoy honest conversation because there is so much we can learn from this.
That’s the turn-around: when pointing one finger to another, three point at us. It is incredible how many layers ‘cloaks’ of judgments we have on ourselves. Time to take them off and be with the naked honesty!
I always love reading this blog Bryony. Today’s standout line is:
‘Letting go of the image of myself of who I thought I wanted to be, and softening to allow other possibilities in …’ Awesome! How freeing is that and to even recognise and acknowledge that we’re trying to live up to an image of who we should be is a hugely liberating step.
I can relate to a lot of what you have written here, the words gentle, tender or vulnerable used to ‘irk’ me. I couldn’t stand hearing those words and I too thought it was pathetic. I now realise those words have a strength, what I didn’t like was the false or emotional misrepresentation of those words. But I also struggled with the truth of those words for a while too as this was something I never allowed myself. I was more a battle-axe getting through life. I am now realising what tenderness does for myself and all others, vulnerability is still a word I am getting to understand.
Awesome blog, I totally love it and can relate to this process you have gone through of realizing that the way we have done things is not really the way we want to do them now. Embracing change.
“Embracing change” – how wonderful to look at change like that Lisa, instead of fearing what may lie ahead. It feels like when we embrace change absolutely anything is possible.
This is a sweet blog. I know that experience of moving house, town, or country and the self re-invention that can come with it, having done this many times myself. It was great to read that you actually did not want to change, but just be more of who you are.
I love what you have written here Shirley- Ann. We have the choice each day to make our lives about re-imprinting ourselves and feeling how incredible we truly are or get caught in the cycle of what Bryony shared so simply to mistake innate gentleness with wimpy behaviour.
Great point Shami. I am looking to move interstate and I have these grand ideas of what I am going to do to improve my life. Of course when I move I am still going to be the same person that was living in the old town. I need to start with this foundation and embody and live the plans I have for the original me.
“What would my life be like if I stopped pretending and accepted myself for who I truly am?”- great question Bryony. I would be more self loving, non judgemental, appreciative of what I do and the qualities I bring to people when I am just me in my fullness. I would not be looking outside for validation that I’m ok or enough.
I would be more honouring of my body.
‘No airy-fairy rainbow-clad paths to self-enlightenment here, this was about dealing with your stuff and getting over yourself.’ This line made me giggle – it cuts through the seriousness and arrogance of the whole New Age movement and brings us back down to earth with a bump – just get on with it – this is life. Love it :o)
I agree Carmel, it’s a great line, and there is a real seriousness to the new age movement, the perfectness of spirituality, is such a horrible state to be in.
I joined you in the giggling Carmel but at the same time realising that some very wise words had been shared by Byrony. Getting “over yourself, getting out of you own way appears to be rather challenging at times but from my experience, oh so very worth it!
“What if I suspended my disbelief that tenderness and vulnerability are who I am, and actually paid attention to how my body was feeling in that moment, in every moment?” Byrony, I also asked myself a similar question after attending an Esoteric Woman’s Group. Before attending Universal Medicine events, I believed ‘tenderness and vulnerability’ to be words that were ‘synonymous with ‘weak’. How wrong I was. I have now discovered that there is in fact a strength in allowing myself to connect to these qualities and honouring them in all that I do. At last I am living as the ‘true me’.
Cool article Bryony. I actually love what you brought up. We are by original way not meant to be doing things based on believes, ideals and others expectations. This really stood out for me. What I also felt in your article is that you are refering to your connection with yourself that is so much more then we are curently aware and or appreciative of. I guess that once we realise that we are no automatic machines that run by a certain system, certain cold and harsh recruitement, but actually we are amazing sensitive & caring beings that do not need drive to fullfill our life – as with being who we are – WE ARE ENOUGH!
Bryony, reading your blog it jumped out of the page at me, your humour and honesty is awesome! I have had a huge amount of resistance to sharing from my vulnerability, from feeling exposed and hence had difficulty with those that were doing it around me. Now I feel the strength and power in allowing my sensitivity and in seeing all the ways in which I have denied it. This is truly liberating.
What a fantastic blog Byrony, beautifully capturing the reaction that can happen as a way of not wanting to feel underneath the veneer that everything is ‘ok’. It’s that 6th sense to feel, be in touch, in connection with our innermost that is the missing ingredient missing in today’s 24/7, super-mum, corporate, business career can do anything woman. Having this awareness and connection has the capacity to bring enormous presence, grace and vitality to a woman irrespective of what she does.
I love your opening as it captures so brilliantly and honestly that first knee jerk defensive reaction that launches from the women when we are confronted with the possibility that we can be delicate and powerful and productive and nurturing and change the world all at the same time and not be exhausted.
I think we’ve all wanted to leave ‘what isn’t us’ behind at some stage but rather than deal with what needs to be dealt with in order to achieve this, we instead close our eyes, turn our backs and walk away hoping that the package of hurts will not follow. Not only does this not work, it actually adds to the huge mound of hurt we don’t want to deal with, that then needs to be dealt with. We then get so overwhelmed by this increasing pile that we panic and attempt to give it to another to take it away for us; the ‘please fix me so that I don’t have to fix myself’ approach that leaves us seeking relief and indulging in superficial fixes that only add to and never reduce what is there to be dealt with. If we truly want to ‘get over ourselves ’ we have to first realise why we stood in the way in the first place.
It’s so interesting what these women’s groups bring up for us. I realise I need to reconfigure how I am with groups. There is baggage I have from being in past groups and watching the dynamic at play. It’s time to leave those things that aren’t me behind and embrace the true, surprising person, not the face I developed to face the world.
It’s the way we can kid ourselves, and then carry on kidding ourselves, and create whole paradigms to support that, and then keep propping things up until of course eventually it all collapses… This repeats itself over and over, again and again continually all around the world, until We make a choice to truly connect inside.
Thank you for bringing responsibility to the main stage. “No airy-fairy rainbow-clad paths to self-enlightenment here, this was about dealing with your stuff and getting over yourself.” Now this is some real stuff. “Letting go of the image of myself of who I thought I wanted to be, and softening to allow other possibilities in,” and this- is just pure gold. Thank you this is exactly what I have needed, and am also working on.
Tender Bryony what a change you have made and it is so inspiring to read about it. I love your joyful sentences: “I just want to leave behind what isn’t me, like the bag of old clothes that no longer fit me or feel like me, and return to the real tender me again.” That says it all!
Agree Esther, this analogy also resonated with me. Most of my life I have hoarded clothes which I no longer wear just in case they may come into fashion again or I may feel to wear them in the future. Similarly, I have held onto the roles, ideals and beliefs I have gathered through life just in case they may be needed to protect me or provide a hiding place from something I am not prepared to look at! This is no longer my Way, and as I have become more open to allowing love in and being more open to whatever presents itself, I find that I am continually discarding old clothes and any other items that no longer serve!
Hi Bryony. I love it. “But in spite of my resistance I kept coming back, without knowing why” – this made me really smile, as I was just the same. No matter how much I could resonate with what was presented, it was really hard for me to feel genuinely connected with the others that were also at those events, so I was a bit like a yo-yo for a while – and I totally agree with you – getting out of my head into the body was what has allowed me to feel the truth of myself, which then eventually allowed myself to experience people and the world from that place.
I love the humour with which you have explored the fundamental question “What would my life be like if I stopped pretending and accepted myself for who I truly am?” I too have found the discussion groups run for women by Sara Williams in London invaluable in supporting this and love your comment “No airy-fairy rainbow-clad paths to self-enlightenment here, this was about dealing with your stuff and getting over yourself.” The blogs on this site and all the comments are also a great support in the deepening understanding of my patterns, accepting myself as a woman and unfolding and evolving on a daily basis.
I love your honesty Byrony and I can so relate to what you are writing.
I was a pretty tough act myself and could not relate to all this talking about tenderness for a long time – not really wanting to feel that and let it in. But eventually I did, which made me realize that when I deeply connect with myself I feel very yummy, tender and precious – very different to the idea I previously had about who I am.
As I am rediscovering more about who I am as a woman I am shocked that all I have been taught about being a woman is not just inaccurate most of the time but the complete opposite of what I am reconnecting to within me. I have learnt how very important it is to discern all the information around me about what it means to be a woman and the thoughts I have about what being a woman entails, without this discernment I become a free floating body ready to be thrown into living whatever way is on offer at the time, this way of living is both deeply unsettling and confusing.
How awesome are your closing lines:
‘I don’t want to re-create myself again
‘I just want to leave behind what isn’t me, like the bag of old clothes that no longer fit me or feel like me, and return to the real tender me again’.
I myself have re-created myself so many times moving country’s and trying to fit in, it’s a breath of fresh air to simply be me and learn to be comfortable with myself.
“What if all that striving, working hard, and pushing myself has served no other purpose other than to completely wear me out?” – I can particularly relate to this one Bryony, exhausting isn’t it?
Natalie, I can also relate to this one, as it is how I used to live before meeting Serge Benhayon and attending his presentations. I was a workaholic which as you say can be very ‘exhausting”. Since being inspired by Serge to make different choices I no longer strive and push myself but work with a rhythm – and I also get more done without feeling exhausted.
I love this blog, so refreshing and full of humor. I love the easiness with which you make fun of your own patterns and the blindness we have being in this absolute spiritual judgement and arrogance and that this fake façade of perfection is held together with old bits of sellotape – completely see-through to everyone but oneself… such a great description of this absolute ill behavior I can very much relate to. Keep on writing Bryony its awesome to read!!!
This time I read your blog Bryon I am struck by the following line “What would my life be like if I stopped pretending and accepted myself for who I truly am?” since I feel now strongly that this is what I am doing, pretending to be someone instead of who I really am. Lets do away with the pretending since this cost me to much energy and just be me, real and raw, vulnerable. Yeah, that feels right to do.
Like you Bryony, while I was growing up, “I would dress in boys’ clothing and I acted like a tomboy and became one of the boys proving I could be as tough if not tougher than them”. Then when I went into the work place I worked in an almost totally male environment for some 30 years and buried my true self under layers of false ideals and beliefs as I identified more and more with male roles. It was not until I had several serious illnesses which finally led me to attend the presentations by Serge Benhayon that I realised the tremendous harm I had inflicted on this woman’s body. Hence began the path of healing and like you, esoteric breast massages where an integral part of my healing program in reconnecting me back to the glorious woman I had ignored for so long but who remained very much alive and waiting for me to reclaim her and re-connect to the sacredness within.
I love the lightness and humour in this blog. It is so important to see the funny side as we gently expose what we want to let go of.
Bryony I have to say that when I read your line about washing yourself in the same way you wash a dirty pan I laughed with my whole body ! Oh that’s hilarious and you know what I used to do exactly the same thing ! I love the humerous way that you describe the truth. Glorious isn’t it when we begin to feel our tender selves underneath the charade.
I agree Bryony going to the Esoteric Women’s Group is about ‘dealing with your stuff and getting over yourself’ and there is no room for ‘airy fairy’, just everyday down to earth discussions and being real. The EWG’s I have attended have been of the utmost support and I have never felt more comfortable in a room full of 90+ women, some of whom I do not know.
Great blog Bryony. So much realness expressed here and how awesome that you didn’t override your deeper sense that there is something worth exploring further here. I can totally relate to this and for me it shows how we are not just walking minds but that there is more to us, more to be felt and more to be understood.
Bryony this is such a beautiful blog. It is so true that when we hold on to who we think we are adding layers over and masking the disconnect we are feeling from who we truly are. It is inspiring that you realised that you did not want to re-create yourself again that who you already are within is enough, a tender loving divine woman, glorious indeed.
Awesome sharing Bryony. I had a similar experience coming to a heart chakra workshop and at the beginning I could only see the playing out of the misery, but then I realized that there was evolution in it and that there was no going over and over he same issues, but truly leaving them aside and focusing on the truth that lies in all our essence. It has been a beautiful and joyful journey since evolving together as a group and feeling the unity of our divine origins.
“I thought: I have no issues, my life is so perfect and I’m so ‘healthy’, I do yoga twice a week and I don’t even have to give up smoking!
But in spite of my resistance I kept coming back, without knowing why.”
I too once lived liked this, thinking there was something wrong with others, but I was ok. I am glad to have followed what I felt to be true and began to explore and opened up that glorious can of worms.
Hi Bryony, your blog and its humour really made me smile. How you used to scrub yourself like you were washing a filthy pan – hit a point with me I can remember my mum cleaning my ears like they were a drain and I know I have carried on the type of behaviour. The part which really struck home was’ I realised that my fake façade of perfection was held together with old bits of sellotape – completely see-through to everyone but me –’ how easy it is for us to see the truth in others and yet hide from it in ourselves.
I can really relate to this Bryony – the hardness I have carried as layers over my tenderness has definitely served the purpose to not let me feel who I really am. Realising my strength in delicateness and presence, as opposed to the pushing and drive has been paramount in actually recovering my health and wellbeing from many years of exhaustion due to the pushing. Presenters and practitioners through Esoteric Women’s Health have so supported me with this process too, and for that I am very appreciative.
Amelia, I am also one of those women who can say that ‘the hardness I have carried as layers over my tenderness has definitely served the purpose to not let me feel who I really am’. I was totally unaware of this until at 60 I started to attend presentations by Serge Benhayon and became aware that there was another way. As I started to make different choices, like you I also gradually realised the strength I had ‘in delicateness and presence, as opposed to the pushing and drive’ that had been my wont for many years. Consequently now at 72, I have greater wellbeing than ever before in my life.
‘No airy-fairy rainbow-clad paths to self-enlightenment here, this was about dealing with your stuff and getting over yourself’. Bryony, I couldn’t have put it better.
That was my favourite line as well. well said Bryony.
Yes Kehinde – I love this part too, straight to the point.
I love your insiders view of the Women’s Groups – they are the most amazing support for women and if you can get over the initial confrontation of meeting a room full of dearly loving, real, powerful, strong, honest women who ask nothing of you but to be your very real self . . . You will be forever changed and loved to the bone (by yourself and others).
This has also been my experience Rebecca. Attending women’s’ groups where one meets ‘a room full of dearly loving, real, powerful, strong, honest women who ask nothing of you but to be your very real self’ can be life-changing to say the least.
I love the ‘ask nothing of your but to be your very real self’ Rebecca. Awesome in its simplicity but filled with true power at the same time. I agree that knowing this ‘very real self’ is life changing and well worth the commitment to explore.
A very honest and open blog Bryony and something I can really relate to, having also experienced much of this I can see that our relationship with ourselves is an ongoing very important part of how we can relate with others.
Bryony I love your blog, and keep coming back to it. The women’s presentations and groups have also opened me to deeper layers of tenderness simply because they are so real and I learn so much from other women. I am ever amazed when a topic is raised or a woman shares an experience that reawakens something within that I had previously disconnected to – and words like preciousness, tenderness, self-nurture take on a new depth of meaning.
It was great to read about your gradual transformation as you attended the women’s groups. I am sure you are not the only one who started out at these women’s groups with mistrust of what you saw and heard. It is rare to see such realness, tenderness and love in the world, without a hint of spiritual new age. I admire that you asked yourself such hard hitting questions, ones that many women would do well to be asking themselves. I look forward to reading your next blog with even more transformations back to who you really are.
Bryony, this article is so real and so powerful! I can definitely relate to so much that has been shared – summed up perfectly when you write “Letting go of the image of myself of who I thought I wanted to be, and softening to allow other possibilities in, has been a bumpy road and very exposing, but ultimately awesome. I can start to feel me again underneath all those layers I added to myself but didn’t ever really need to.” thank you!
Bryony as I read your blog I am feeling the amazing and transformational choices that many women world-wide are making for themselves, inspired by Universal Medicine, and in the process of sharing, they are offering something precious to other women. It is time for women to come home, to their true home where their warmth and nurturing love reside.
‘It is time for women to come home, to their true home where their warmth and nurturing love reside’ is so true Bernadette. For too many lifetimes women have gradually strayed away from who they in truth are and from what they represent. Modern day women are on the whole totally disconnected from the sacredness they hold. It is amazing to see so many women now re-claiming their true power thanks to the presentation of Universal Medicine and in particular from Natalia Benhayon who has inspired countless women and who continues to do so. . .
This could be on a billboard for all women to see “striving, working hard and pushing yourself gets you no-where and completely wears you out”. A beautiful daily dose of truth.
You nailed it Bryony, this is a lovely blog and very inspiring, Thank you.
Thank you for sharing Bryony. A very honest and funny blog. I thought nurturing was something you just did with babies or young animals, when you grow up there is no nurturing needed. Well i was so wrong, nurturing is an everyday event. There are so many gems in this blog, love it!
Bryony what an exposing blog this is. So many of us feel at least some of these things when joining a group for the first time or after having been in groups where someone holds the floor for ages while the same issues come up each time and nothing changes. I have felt in these situations instead of us clearing and changing, we were supporting ourselves to stay the same! So it was like a breath of fresh air to be part of a women’s group where love and tenderness is used to support the changes we need to make.
How thin ánd transparant these ‘image’ layers can be that we don’t see they are withholding ourselves the feel the natural tenderness we are. I still find myself in i.e.doingness (my layer) to avoid feeling my tenderness. That actually there is yet another deeper level of tenderness in me to dis-covered. Keep on dis-covering the depth of this tenderness.
I would never have entertained a women group in the past having had minor involvement in some pretty horrific ones, but these women group presentations are entirely different and have supported me in a very practical way to open up, tenderise and feel what it is to be a woman again. I love sharing ways in which we can truly support ourselves and each other as women. I have worked through my lack of trust and the judgements I once had no longer hold sway over me.
Re-reading your beautiful honest, hilarious and deeply touching blog today I had tears of joy that you, me and so many other dear ladies have found our way back to our ‘real tender’ selves.
Another aspect struck me today too, how either new agey type indulgent catharsis and dwelling on issues (with an absence of reconnecting within), or the ‘princess’ type model of womanhood both give tenderness, healing, etc a pretty bad name…..and how interesting that with the ‘narcissism’ of over sensitive, needy and demanding ‘princess’ type model, (where ‘precious’ is virtually a swear word in some parts), actually keeps us in reactive hardness away from exploring our true inner strength and responsibility, which is true – connected tenderness.
Love your blog and what it exposes for us all to feel.
I love your style Bryony, “No airy-fairy rainbow-clad paths to self-enlightenment here, this was about dealing with your stuff and getting over yourself.” Coming back to tenderness changes everything and for me is an ongoing process. It has been a revelation to see tenderness and vulnerability as a strength and not as a weakness.
Thank you Bryony, your walk towards the tenderness you are is tangible in your words. You offer much here in the way of inspiration as what you share is very familiar. Thank you.
I can really relate to your comment of, ‘letting go of the image of myself of who I thought I wanted to be, and softening to allow other possibilities in, has been a bumpy road and very exposing, but ultimately awesome.’
It really is awesome to remove the veil and the facade and to connect back to the real and tender you.
Great blog Bryony and of course I had to laugh when I read: “I’m almost embarrassed to admit that until very recently I thought ‘nurturing’ was a synonym for narcissism, gentleness was for wimps, and sharing was self-indulgent.” and I reckon you had a very good reason to think that. Everything that is true and healing has been bastardised in many ways. Therefore there probably are many circumstances when self-indulgent people do things that they call nurturing but what they are doing is not true nurturing at all. It is through this kind of bastardisation that we are fooled to turn our back on what is of true healing and value. In the end we have to always be very discerning and honest and feel what any group and person is offering us rather than listen to the words they use. In my experience Sara Williams and the groups she offers are absolutely the real deal and so super awesome they make it easy to feel and experience the truth as you did!
Great real point Nicola.
I agree Kate, we have so much to reflect on in life as to whether we are expressing something true or something we have picked up along the way. Having an opportunity to explore this in group work as Nicola has expressed is huge as there is so much that this world deems as normal that is the polar opposite.
“there is so much that this world deems as normal that is the polar opposite.” – So true aminatumi, we have come to use the words ‘common’ and ‘normal’ interchangably when infact they are hugely distinct.
Great point Nicola. There’s a big difference between truly looking after and caring for ourselves, and all the chat, fakery and sales pitches that also surrounds the idea of nurturing. As you say, really feeling into whether what is being offered is true or not is the only way to discern.
It’s true Nicola, some confuse nurturing with self indulgence, and gentleness with being nice or being soft (i.e. lying to get people to like you or give you what you want). There are many meanings to words, not all of them are true.
Lynda ditto to what you wrote I was going to say the same thing. Another Gem Byrony was when you say “Letting go of the image of myself of who I thought I wanted to be, and softening to allow other possibilities” I love each time I expose another image of myself that I have been playing out, let it go and deepen into who I naturally am.
That is great Mary-Louise as we seem to still very easily change our behaviours depending on what is happening in our daily life or even when we come in contact with others. Looking at my own patterns I can see how much I still leave myself to deal with a task or an issue which ends up not supporting what I am taking part in.
And I too find myself exploring the ‘pictures’ I still have of how I would like things to be rather than allowing them to be as they are and appreciate and learn from that.
Bryony your writing is so fresh and honest. I love reading your blogs. I love how you have shared that moving is not about re-creating yourself in a new place- that you are just leaving behind what is not you.
Me too Mary-Louise, I also love knowing that there is no end to that, there is no image to finally rest on, there is only forever evolving. Such freedom in allowing ourselves to be energy.
i enjoyed the humor and honesty in your blog Byrony. Especially where you say “The way I washed myself in the bath was strikingly similar to how I scoured really filthy pans.”
I love you sharing Bryony and through this sharing I can feel the great service the Esoteric Women’s Groups are providing to all women and our society as a whole.
A great service indeed.
Bryony I loved reading this as it was so real, very honest. Thank you, you are a gem.
I have been touched by your open expression of your process Bryony, your resolve and dedication to ” lift off the layers” and commit to the delicate transformation to “return to the real tender you again”.
Hi Bryony, loved your blog, it so reminded me of how arrogant I was when I first saw Serge Benhayon and how awesome it is that I have drooped that protection and like you learning to accept myself for who I am with my strengths and weaknesses. What a relief to not have to put on the act anymore.
Thank you Bryony, that was a very honest sharing. Reading along I had a smile thinking ‘yep that was me too’ at points in my life, hiding behind the arrogance too frightened to feel and let my walls down. Thank goodness for Universal Medicine and Estoteric Women’s Health as they provide a place where it is safe to do so. A place that feels so loving and very very real.
“No airy-fairy rainbow-clad paths to self-enlightenment here, this was about dealing with your stuff and getting over yourself.”
I really enjoyed this whole article and could really feel the power and authenticity in what you have said here.
Brony thank you for sharing you story of resistance while still be open the possibility of finding the tender woman within. This confirms to me even though our heads may be saying no, somewhere within us knows to say yes to what is true!
What is amazing to me Bryony is that you kept going back to the Esoteric Women’s Group even though initially you felt you didn’t need it and then how you allowed yourself to be honest about what is and isn’t you. Truly inspiring and shows how someone can stop washing themselves like they are scouring filthy pans and instead bring tenderness into their lives.
Yes, that stuck out to me too, Irene, that keeps us coming back for more Byrony, although you were superficially fighting it in the beginning. It serves to show how something much deeper than our surface selves recognises the truth and love innate within us all and keeps us coming back for me, although the other parts may be kicking and screaming.
I love this blog it made me chuckle as I too have felt much of this. I especially love this part “I realised that my fake façade of perfection was held together with old bits of sellotape – completely see-through to everyone but me – and was something I was clinging onto so dearly”. I’ve recently felt this also – and the first thing I thought was why didn’t someone tell me haha – then realised that this is what Esoteric Women’s Health have been sharing with me all along – that there is a deeper more tender me and I don’t need to hold the hardness and control trying to pretend that I have it all together and under control. Thanks for a light and enjoyable read Bryony.
This is a great blog, love the honesty with which you write and share the way you are embracing your delicateness and love for yourself, Thank you.
That was a great blog. So deeply honest and real. That is what it’s all about. Thanks.
These is a return truly worth working for – the truly Tender Woman Within.
Bryony, your honesty is unbelievable, just fantastic.
You are very real, and have just inspired me, by all the questions you have asked, the ‘what if I just try this’, being open to extending your mind from who you think you are, to actually exposing yourself and going ‘but what if there was more, what if this is not who I truly am, what if there was more to me’. Just awesome. And you are a testament to this change.
Brilliant sharing Byrony, your honesty is so straight up and it feels like you have a great relationship with all the things you have let go of. Welcome to the true Byrony, tender, gorgeous and a top sharer 😉
Yes Bryony, you are tender already and as such it is nothing else than leaving your old clothes of ideals and beliefs behind.
Byrony, our honesty is so refreshing and I can so relate to the; “fake façade of perfection was held together with old bits of sellotape”. Once I made the choice to remove the sellotape and show my vulnerability and acknowledge that I didn’t need to strive to be perfect, my life began to change, and I loved the changes that were, and still are taking place. When I began to accept myself for who I am, I began to realise that I was actually so much more that I had always believed.
I love your honesty and can really relate how it feels to come down from your head into your body. I for a long time also thought I didn’t need to be tender but coming more and more into my body I just feel how I Love to be tender with me.
Thanks Lieke, me too. Being humble enough to come down into the body from the dominance of the mind is a great step to take, and in feeling the tenderness we can connect back to the love we know has always been there.
Yes Lieke it does feel wonderful to be tenderly and lovingly in our bodies and putting how that feels first. If the mind starts to call the shorts over how the body is feeling it then it becomes a game of rough and tumble, being pulled and pushed in all directions. The body feels suppressed, neglected and ultimately abused. All this because of a belief that tenderness is not how to care for ourselves.
Bryony I love what you have expressed here for all of us I too have felt my layers of protection fall away from attending the womens groups. I have found them to be such a great support and truly healing.
Awesome Blog Bryony, I can totally tell you would be a great woman to talk to, you seem really real and down to earth, It made me laugh when I read the way you would wash yourself in the bath! awesome to read this sharing from another point of view.
The real me, that is something I have been looking for for quite a few years now and I am finding me buried underneath layers of protective hurts. The women’s groups have been a great support in practical ways to remove the unwanted layers. Thanks for sharing your experience Bryony I always like to hear other peoples reflections.
I love it when you say it is about “dealing with your stuff and getting over yourself”. Esoteric Women’s Health is the real deal, and tenderness is definitely here to stay; it is the new black.
I loved your description of your “facad held together by Sellotape completely see through to everyone but ” you.
It’s a great description of how flimsy and empty we really are before reconnecting back to the real tenderness and love for who we really are.
Enjoy feeling you Bryony
I can so relate to what you share here Bryony – I loved the analogy of how you were washing yourself like an old pan!! I too have reacted to the level of tenderness and love felt in other women – and as I have started to feel it more and more in myself am appreciating so much more the reflection they have had in my life, and the appreciation of how delicate I now feel after allowing layers of hardness to fall away. This is of course an ongoing process, and one I am loving too.
Bryony, I love your honesty and openness. I can so relate to what you are expressing. Once I fully realise that the ‘old clothes… ‘no longer fit’ it is easy to let them go. The hard thing is to see what is not me, and other people reflect that to me if I am willing to see it and not react. As one thing goes I find yet another item in my wardrobe to discard – it feels like an ongoing process of refining as I gradually dismantle the ‘fake façade’ that I have believed is me.
ooo, I actually use to feel the same Bryony, that ‘nurturing’ was a form of self indulgence and gentleness was a little wimpy…oh dear how tough and hardened as a way of protection one can become. I am actually very gentle naturally, as we all are and have come to allow this quality in myself more and more over the years since being inspired by the Esoteric Womens presentations. When we hold unrealistic expectations and judgements we can become blind to the tender and precious beings we are loosing touch with our divine stillness.
Bryony I was drawn to read your beautiful & funny blog again. This morning I woke feeling so beautifully warm & tender that I didn’t want to leave my bed. And then I realised that I simply need to bring this tenderness to everything I do, to live me in my day. Your words are a lovely confirmation that all I need is to tenderly be me.
Bryony what you share here is so real and relatable. I can feel how open and gorgeously humble you are. It is lovely to feel your sweetness and sensitivity and it reminds me to connect to this same quality in me.
How beautiful to hear Bryony how you are connecting to the tender, loving , amazing woman that you are and claiming it.
Dear Bryony what a gorgeous blog, thank you for sharing. These words:
“What would my life be like if I stopped pretending and accepted myself for who I truly am?”
are asking the big question. From living a life of ‘pretending’ to fit into all the roles taken on i’m finally finding out who the real me is; albeit the road sometimes difficult the sun is always shining just around the corner when another false layer is let go of.
It’s so endearing when someone expresses so truthfully and fully as themselves. It’s beautiful to be able to know the writer so fully – and what’s not to fall in love with here? I’m not sure why we hold back our natural selves so much in life, everyone benefits from knowing the real “us”. Thanks for inspiring me again with the simple wisdom that by being yourself everyone wins. Keep writing Bryony!
I love what you share about taking a bath and that it feels similar to how you scour your filthy pans. You have no idea how I used to brush my hair, it was almost like I wanted to take the whole skin of my head off. Being with other women and sharing how we feel and what we experience is a true healing. I no longer brush my hair like a wild woman and I love taking a shower and just be with me, the tender woman that I am. I am learning every day and letting go of hardness and protection.
Thanks Mariette, I laughed and winced at the same time!
Bryony! once again another pearl blog from you – I love your humour in your writing, but also how real you are – so inspiring to read your blogs and be reminded that I too hold that same tenderness within, a tenderness that we so crave and yet in our world is so unaccepted. And about how we can just keep surrendering to this all the time…thank you!
Funny, insightful, honest gorgeous blog post. A life where we stop pretending and actually just accept who we are, be who we are, say exactly what we feel, and do what feels right for us is something I am working on too. I’m saying bye bye to perfection and hello to real!
It’s such a lovely feeling isn’t it when we just let go and allow our own natural tenderness and love to come through. There’s really nothing like it. Thank-you for your very lovely sharing Bryony.
Such a beautiful blog. It is all rather simple indeed – we just need to discard all the layers of what we are not
Bryony you hit upon so many things that I can relate to immediately as I reflect back on peeling some of those hardened layers away. The ideas that I held about myself seem so harsh from where I now sit. The view is much more tender, gentle and forgiving. I deeply appreciate you articulating these very things in your article.
It’s interesting the things that stand out in a blog like a big reflection. I could retread it another day, which I will, and something else will pop up.
This time it’s wanting people to act the way I want them to. What a waste of angst that is. I’ve let go a lot of it, but it still catches me occasionally. Who knows what people have going on for themselves or what was imposed upon them that shaped their responses this time? It’s time for more understanding for me and everyone else gently.
The Women’s groups have been a lovely support. Thanks for this blog, I appreciate it.
Beautiful Amanda. ‘It’s time for more understanding’ – so true. When we get to the heart of the matter we are all the same and understanding allows us to be more loving and drop our separative judgements that are actually quite exhausting!
Stunning sharing – with some real confronting laugh out loud moments that I could relate to (like the bath one!). The questions you pose are such powerful steps for us all and your last line is gold.
“What if I accepted myself for who I truly am”? That’s a powerful question. Everything else seems to fall away leaving a bright, tender and powerful being.
Lovely exploration of what connecting to your true self is. Of noticing and appreciating all the little things that are truly you. As I have gone on a similar process in my life, I find it to be a continuing exploration and unfolding.
Bryony, it is very refreshing to read that someone else has had similar experiences to my own. I have struggled with my prejudices and judgements but kept coming back to Universal Medicine and its practitioners anyway. Something within me has always recognised the purity of what was being offered. Bit by bit my stubborn defences have been breaking down. I am coming to realise the depths of what is being expressed to me and that I am capable of with myself and others. Very precious – thank you!
I love these expressions of the ‘something within me…’ that call us to go deeper than our superficial thoughts, ideals, beliefs and judgements. How wise is that something and how wonderful it is to start listening to it everyday.
Beautifully expressed Bryony, and I love the analogy of leaving the old clothes behind.
Me too!! I say out with the old, in with the new.
‘Prompting me to look deeper within’, It is true Bryony, I feel this also and it is a beautiful process to allow, sometimes there are things that are uncomfortable but important to see and feel, old hurts or past behaviours, but sometimes there is also the beautiful truth that I am a women, that I am incredibly delicate and precious, amazing, full of love, affection and divineness. These are aspects of me that were there but that I had not really allowed myself to feel or know. It is really amazing.
Thank you Bryony. So honestly and bluntly told. I too started from a toughen up and get on with it attitude. I didn’t even know that that is not normal. As my life crumbled under me, I realized my recipe to life did not serve me at all. It was killing me. My journey for truth started and the re- imprinting of my foundation is underway.
What a light post and YES Bryony, so true! .. “What would my life be like if I stopped pretending and accepted myself for who I truly am?” This is the question – admittance that many of us are living our lives as actors of a part/play, instead of dropping that performance and living as the real-us. Living as the real-us is not exhausting like the opposite is, but instead is so vital and freeing.
This is beautiful and a great support reading this to begin my day.Thank you Bryony.
Thank you Bryony for your openness and honesty in your blog. It is amazing to peel away the layers that don’t fit us anymore – and to reveal who we truly are.
I agree Anna. I have come to realise that those layers are not actually in us but veils that we allow to mask our vision of what is true and what is not.
Bryony, I love this sentance ‘I just want to leave behind what isn’t me, like the bag of old clothes that no longer fit me or feel like me, and return to the real tender me again’ I have often felt to move to a different country in order to reinvent myself or to get away from something that feels uncomfortable but I have all that I was looking for right here, all I need to do is connect to me.
Bryony, I have just read your superb blog again, I love the frankness of it. Your initial experiences or reaction to the Women’s Group was so similar to my own, I felt it wasnt for me but there was something there, a strong pull to keep me coming back and boy oh boy am I glad I did.
I enjoyed your blog and the honesty in which you write Bryony. Returning to the real and tender me – feels like a wonderful focus.
Yes to be a tender being is a wonderful focus.
Bryony leave those old clothes that no longer fit at the door and walk out in the power of who you truly are. Beautifully honest blog thank you.
Bryony your blog brings to mind the picture of old skins behind shed and finding underneath a new, soft and delicate being. Beauty-full
It’s awesome and freeing to realise there isn’t a need to recreate ourselves, but just to let the amazing being out.
Yeah that old sellotape always cracks and falls off eventually! Bryony, I had similar problems with my earlier attitude on nurturing, gentleness and sharing, for starters. I know that one of the main reasons I judged them so hard was that the way people were doing them felt so wrong to me – there were agendas and the behaviour was not coming from true, clear love but from weakness, lies, need and selfishness. I confess to actually despising most women because of the manipulations I saw going on with the so-called feminine attributes of caring, nurturing, being sexy, vulnerable, etc. And ‘feminine wiles’! Yuk! This felt even worse, as it being a conscious intentional program of manipulating men. I just didn’t want a bar of it. So I kept walking my ‘path less trodden’ in search of truth. And my steps led me to Universal Medicine and the women learning the Livingness. Like you I’m seeing powerful, very together women who express all those attributes in truth, and it is beautiful. And I can be those too.
“◾The way I washed myself in the bath was strikingly similar to how I scour really filthy pans” How you made me laugh! That is exactly how I caught myself washing recently. I’m surprised my skin stays on! Thanks for sharing your unfolding journey in this way.
Hey Bryony -at the end of you post, your’e sounding rather like those women you commented on at the beginning (hehe). It is great to read a very honest account about meeting universal medicine students on mass and shrinking a little yet feeling drawn at the same time. Sometimes I still feel this, eight years later and have to say, it is a shock that there in the deeper layers of my being there are still these disturbances and it humbles me that I am very much still learning who I am.
I love how real your blog is Bryony.
REALLY getting to know the REAL you – Gorgeous.
It is fascinating that you kept attending the meetings even though you didn’t know why. It’s like your body could feel the truth and once you got the heady side of things out of the way you could truly feel things in your body. As the body is the marker of all truth. If we listen we can gain a great deal.
I love this Bryony; “No airy-fairy rainbow-clad paths to self-enlightenment here, this was about dealing with your stuff and getting over yourself.” How interesting, I also – and I’m sure many others too, had in the past categorised women who wanted to explore more of their capacity as a woman as being “airy-fairy” and “rainbow-clad”. And so what a relief to come across a group of amazing women who are a million miles from ‘new-age’ ….and find them well and truly in the new era instead, powerful and strong and ready and willing to deal with their stuff and get on with life!
How I loved the honesty in this sharing Bryony! The process you described was like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon leaving the old clothes behind because they don’t fit any more. I can feel those gossamer wings expanding. So beautiful.
Bryony your powerful words “working hard and just getting on with it” rings so true to me. We can easily fall for this trap when we choose not to stop and listen to the harm in these words. I have found the Esoteric Woman’s Group allows us to just be and there are no traps being laid.
I can relate to what you were saying Bryony in relation to the way women were expressing in the Woman’s Group that I attend. The more I attended the Group the more I understood that they were indeed being open and very real just sharing the way they truly felt. I initially couldn’t see that and had a hard time accepting that I am also a beautiful woman and awesome ( there is a little shrinking even now when I write these words) but I feel more accepting of this every time I attend the Woman’s Group and meet with the truly amazing Women that attend.
I also remember the first few esoteric women’s groups and thinking what the hell have I stepped into, saying to myself this is so not for you, your not like these other women. in a sense yeah I was right we are all different but the depth of the respect and quality of how we are with each other can be the same
Indeed Jaime – we are all different expressions but from the one divine Source!
I always enjoy reading this blog – Bryony’s tell it as it is approach is very refreshing and down to Earth, but also it’s a great reminder from this tender woman that there is so much more to who we are than who we think we are.
This is an inspiring blog about letting go and in that letting go the re-discovery of who you are. Very beautiful, Bryony. This has also been my experience. The more I have been able to let go the less I have in the way of feeling the real me. This is summed up so succinctly with the last line in your blog, “I just want to leave behind what isn’t me, like the bag of old clothes that no longer fit me or feel like me, and return to the real tender me again.” Hear, hear!
Great blog thank you, I enjoyed the way you have written it and can relate to much of what you said. I think that if I had not been forced to stop and look at the way I was living (by becoming completely exhausted) that I too would have been skeptical about people living in a different way. After all I thought the way I was living was ‘normal’ and it was! But where is normal getting us? I too would have reacted to people talking about love…. which I now know is because I didn’t even know what love was.
I love your honesty Bryony and I can very much relate to the arrogance that you have shared in your blog. I also thought I had it all together, was healthy etc, after all I was a yoga teacher. When I started to attend Esoteric Women’s Presentations and courses at Universal Medicine, I soon realised that it was all a facade that I was hiding behind so I didn’t have to feel what was really going on for me. From the honesty I have then found that the wall I had built has begun to come down , crumbling bit my bit. And as the wall comes down what I am finding underneath is just me, like I was when I was a little girl before I Iearnt how to be good or nice. Just simply me and that is what I am returning to.
So love the honesty and humour in this blog – e. g. “the way I wash myself in the bath was strikingly similar to how I scour really filthy pans”! When I first went to a Women’s group I also thought that ‘‘nurturing’ was a synonym for narcissism, gentleness was for wimps, and sharing was self-indulgent” – or something along these lines! Like you, I slowly came ’down from my head and into my body’ and now accept myself for the tender, loving woman I truly am. Like you, I would never have got to this place had I not met Serge Benhayon and attended Universal Medicine workshops including the Esoteric Woman’s groups, which were truly inspiring.
I loved how you started this blog “I’m almost embarrassed to admit that until very recently I thought ‘nurturing’ was a synonym for narcissism, gentleness was for wimps, and sharing was self-indulgent” – so many people have this false understanding! Thanks for sharing so honestly of your experience of how you broke down these ideas.
Gorgeous Bryony, i love how descriptive and real you are in sharing your re-introduction back to you and the tender woman. It is all so very relatable and very touching and inspiring to feel where you are today.
Thanks for writing this Bryony. I can totally relate.
I love the realness and courageous honesty with which you share here Bryony. When illness and disease bring someone to their knees they tend to be more open to seeing and embracing the truth but for someone like yourself who seemingly had a perfect ‘healthy’ life with no apparent issues, it can take an even deeper level of honesty to overcome the resistance to seeing that things may not be quite as perfect as they appear. Yours is an inspirational story for the millions of people fixated by the illusionary picture held in their ‘mind’ that their life is perfect, healthy and free of issues.
Great point Rob. It is often easier to make changes when we are faced with a chronic illness. It takes a great deal of honesty for someone to admit that things are not perfect when they have the seemingly ‘healthy’ life. This is what makes this blog so powerful.
i have found it a relief to finally accept that I can be tender. It is like I have dropped the need to try in life but accepting this. As a result I can more readily accept when things hurt me – emotionally and physically, but equally I can let in the fact that all of life is not there to hurt you. This was hard to do at first (pun intended) as I felt naked and exposed, but in time I realised that it was no big deal. Things hurt sometimes. I allow myself to feel it, see it for what it is and move on. As opposed to the old approach where I used to remain in denial that anything was even wrong, yet found myself hardening up to the world in order to protect myself. So which one makes me stronger, the one approach that does not allow me to see all of life for that which it is, or the one that keeps me shielded from all the world’s hurts and in the illusion that they do not affect me anyway? It is so freeing and empowering to walk through life with the shield off and the heart wide open, knowing that you still may get hurt from time to time, but that in the end that it is no big deal.
Adam, not only is it ‘so freeing and empowering [for you] to walk through life with the shield off and the heart wide open’, it also has a great ripple affect on others around you. It is truly inspiring to see a man with ‘his shield off and his heart wide open’. A tender man not only touches every woman’s heart but is the role model that is so needed for boys and young men in today’s society.
I agree that the regular women’s groups are invaluable in the way that they do help us to ‘get over ourselves’ and ‘get on with it’. No indulgence here, just being real about how it is.
‘What if I suspended my disbelief that tenderness and vulnerability are who I am, and actually paid attention to how my body was feeling in that moment, in every moment.’ Thank you so much for sharing this Bryony. What I can feel here is your choice to reconnect with yourself and the amazing power in listening to your body.
When I listen to my body the tenderness and fragility feel like a part of my daily expression. This deepens the more I listen and my appreciation that I have for myself and others.
Wow Bryony thank you for your open sharing that help me. I guess fragility was also something what was not your cup of tea. For me fragility was a real challenge but now I can feel that my fragility is not a burden – it is a blessing. To allow myself to feel what is going on in my body and to honor it help me to also feel my tenderness.
The metamorphosis, shedding the old hard skin, an amazing account of what you have been through Bryony, Thank you.
I really enjoyed reading this Bryony especially the raw, matter of fact way you express it.
Great blog Bryony, I love your honesty and so awesome you followed your inner knowing and kept returning to Esoteric Women’s Groups. In doing so you allowed yourself to open to the true and tender woman that you are.
I love your analogy here at the end “I just want to leave behind what isn’t me, like the bag of old clothes that no longer fit me or feel like me, and return to the real tender me again.”
I can relate to a lot of what you have shared. At one stage I just wanted to change (not to anyone else) back to the real me, the me who is so delicate, tender & so gentle & precious. I had become hard & driven in my ways & coming to the Esoteric Women’s groups in Brisbane really showed a different way of being. When I was new to the groups, I was & still am inspired by the presence of so many women in what they bring. I went to my 1st group & have never looked back. I’ve found going to these groups really supportive & life changing. I am a new me but really just the old me that’s come out of hiding 🙂 No more running away from me!
“But in spite of my resistance I kept coming back, without knowing why”. How wonder-full that actually there was a much deeper knowing far greater than that of the mind, the Heart. The Heart truly knows. Bryony, thank you.
Great honest sharing ! It shows how we can be locked into ideas,
but we can also feel and open up when something real, loving and true comes our way … a good reminder to stay more open !
I appreciate your honest sharing here Bryony – its offering a beautiful illustration of your unfolding here…Thanks for this blog…
Thanks Bryony for such an honest account. I can relate to your ‘getting on with it’, as that is what I have done for so many years. I actually realised ‘getting on with it’ is about dealing with my life and becoming more aware of who I really am and not the tough, work hardened person I had become, but the fragile, gentle person I actually am.
Your blog, Bryony, makes my heart sing. Enjoy the singing of your own heart, beautiful woman that you are.
Thank-you.
I love your honesty Bryony, letting go of the facades and judgements we can all hold and coming back to the tenderness of you. Beautiful!
I also found it hard to come to accept my fragility and that caring deeply for myself wasn’t being indulgent. I thought it was weak and selfish. Now I know that I can be tender and caring with myself and still get what I need to do done by being aware in the way I do everything.
An awesome and very inspiring blog Bryony – it is so lovely to feel how much you are re-connected with the real you again – a return that is certainly worth facing the ‘bumpy road and and exposure –
“Letting go of the image of myself of who I thought I wanted to be, and softening to allow other possibilities in, has been a bumpy road and very exposing, but ultimately awesome. I can start to feel me again underneath all those layers I added to myself but didn’t ever really need to”.
A great blog Bryony love it, you offer an honesty that is real lightness that leads to a great truth an inspiration to all.
Hello Bryony, what a refreshing look at the way things ‘started’ for you. I love the realness you speak in here and the way you describe your life so far. This is a very common theme for some people I think. I have had the honour of attending some Esoteric Women’s Group’s as well and come from them being very inspired and feeling that women are more than I had seen them to be. It is not necessarily for me ‘what’ they talk about but it is ‘how’ they talk that always strikes me. As a man I felt held in the room by the women as they spoke and interacted, it was a feeling that really touched me and it felt really precious. It is great and shows the power of these meetings if a woman like you Bryony can turn up ‘thinking’ one thing and then after a period of time start ‘feeling’ another. Thank you Bryony from your blog I appreciate women more.
Sounds like your getting to know yourself from the inside out… Beautiful.
“I just want to leave behind what isn’t me, like the bag of old clothes that no longer fit me or feel like me, and return to the real tender me again.” Love this comment Bryony.
Dear Bryony, your blog is so delightful, it’s so refreshing to laugh out aloud at the wonderful descriptions and raw honesty of how you feel. I hope you will write a book because this short blog is not enough. You’ve reminded me that there is humour in the things we discover about ourselves and that this process can be quite joyful in the discarding of what is not truly us. Thankyou for making me laugh and for letting me know how how gorgeous you are by not holding back and giving me all of you in your expression. More please!
I so agree Melinda, there is so much humour and light-heartedness in how Bryony has written her blog, yet it is direct and to the point and offers much to think about. There are so many gorgeous comments that I had to laugh at, because not only were they funny, I could see myself in much of what she had written. Definitely more please Bryony.
I third that. I love the upfront, no-nonsense, tell it how it is approach you write with Bryony. So honest, yet so light and inspiring all at the same time.
I like the line “dealing with your stuff and getting over yourself” and as you say this can be done in a loving, tender and supportive way without all the fluffy stuff. It’s great to be supported by Esoteric Woman’s Health to get real, be honest and have fun lightening that heavy load and burden we’ve been carrying around for eons.
This is a great blog, thank you. I love your honesty about your questioning when you first attended the women’s groups. But yes, these groups are full of real women who are ‘getting over themselves’ and ‘getting on with it’. Nothing airy fairy at all. These are very real and practical down to earth groups that are incredibly supportive. I personally have grown as a person and in confidence since attending these groups regularly. I can see how from the outside some might be sceptical, but the all inclusive nature of the groups and presentations mean that the scepticism cannot last for long. These groups are for ALL women should they choose to come along.
Awesome sharing Bryony, love how you expose the arrogance held within us of having the perfect life. I felt the same and today after re-connecting to my fragility, preciousness and delicateness I can truly say I am now living the true me and its the most beautiful journey ever that I am deepening on a daily basis.
Loved reading your blog especially about the changes you are making – awesome!
Loved what you said about a fresh new start, and the bag (of clothes) that no longer fit. Like you say, when we rid ourselves of what no longer fits, we find our tender selves under all that discarded stuff.
Thank you Bryony for your truly honest expression. I know that bumpy road well coming back from illusion to the truth of my innermost, and then the true love and tenderness that is there. Well worth all the pot holes 🙂
What would my life be like if I stopped pretending and accepted myself for who I truly am? Allowing to feel and accepting who we truly are is the way to opening up to a simple and very joyful way of living sharing our love with everyone. That is the real deal!
“Attending the Esoteric Women’s group, reading the blogs these women write, and hearing stories from other women has been like a mirror and a spotlight reflecting my own reactions right back at me and prompting me to look deeper within.” I love this Bryony. I have attended the Women In Livingness groups in London and get so much out of them – an amazing group of women – no bitchiness, no judgement – just encouragement and support so that we can emerge from the chrysalis of the ‘how a woman should be in the world’ to the butterflies of how we truly want to be – loving tender, warm, beautiful and true to ourselves.
Thank you Sue for your beautiful expression. I shall view butterflies in a whole new way now.
Loved reading your blog Bryony and can particularly relate to ‘Letting go of the image of myself of who I thought I wanted to be, and softening to allow other possibilities in, has been a bumpy road and very exposing, but ultimately awesome.’ Shedding my layers of protection has uncovered a lot of fear which I would never have admitted to in the past but has been so freeing and encourages me to continue on this path with the awesome support of the Esoteric Women’s Group and all the amazing women I meet there. Thank you for your honest, funny and inspiring sharing.
I love that Bryony, “Slowly I began to come down from my head and into my body, get over my arrogance and realise that actually, these women were not what I’d expected.” That just shows how protection and prejudice and fixed ideals are from our heads and nothing to do with the amazing love I feel when I enter that roomful of women. The women’s groups are a wonderful opportunity to re-connect with our bodies and our love along with all the other women.
We project and judge others constantly and for most of us it happens without our conscious awareness. It’s like we have a ‘projection/judgement scanner’ that sweeps our environment and picks up on how other people look, how they talk, what they’re saying, the way that they dress etc and then makes a judgement based on our pre-conceived ideas and brands them as being a certain way. We subconsciously look for anything that will confirm whatever idea we already have about who a person is or who a race of people are and equally we’ll ignore any evidence that discounts our pre-conceived ideas. It’s such a horrible process and ensures that we never get to feel the real person underneath our judgemental biases.
Great blog, I have had a similar experience when I first attended a women’s group, although I was resistant and aloof. I would say largely due to a lack of self worth and feeling a lack of trust. I am hugely more honest and humble now and more understanding of the stuff I brought with me and of course others! The first paragraph really made me chuckle, actually lovely and light throughout. This quote is great “Slowly I began to come down from my head and into my body,” again it really spoke to me about how I felt as I have become more connected to my heart, it is now the place that governs my ship on the whole and it feels amazing. I look forward in sharing some more women’s groups later in 2015. Thank you.
Hi Bryony, I love the way you have written this, and shared your train of thought and process to understanding and opening up to your self, it really shows how it is a very practical thing to do, not spiritual mumbo jumbo, and that to take a little more care and consideration over our life and choices is something that every one can do and benefit from.
A straight talking gorgeous article
I love the honesty and the playfulness of this article. It is such a joy to read…’I just want to leave behind what isn’t me, like the bag of old clothes that no longer fit me or feel like me, and return to the real tender me again.’… simply beautiful Bryony, thank you
Thank you Bryony for your honesty and sharing you journey back to the beautiful tender person you are. Like the Women’s Groups so, too, are the Men’s Groups an amazing support for us men in our journey back to ourselves.
Bryony what a fantastic blog. absolutely loved reading it and your complete turn around. Fun and very inspiring. I find the Esoteric Womens Groups are an incredible support and I really enjoy them, they are presented by very inspiring women.
I loved re-reading your blog Bryony. Thankyou for sharing, with honesty and humour. Great expression!
Great blog thanks. I’m with you on wanting to leave behind what isn’t the real me,” like a bag of old clothes”, and return to the true and tender me.
I love what you have written here, straight to the point no nonsense and I could totally relate to what you have written.
This is really lovely Bryony, thank you for sharing. I love how you have described that, essentially, no matter where we start from, we can always return to who we truly are with such tenderness and understanding.
Brilliant to realise that tenderness doesn’t have to be a long lingering bath with candles, oils and lotions. A shower can be tender…just leave the pot scourer on the side and treat myself with care and love.
Beautiful blog Bryony thank you I love it. Returning to the real tender woman within and I have been all along is so beautiful to feel as it deepens more and more. Greater tenderness is such an unfolding journey and the support of the Women’s groups and Universal Medicine make it all possible.
Great article Bryony, thankyou. “I want to leave behind what isn’t me” I say yes to that too. For me this is especially true of the trying. I have ‘tried’ all my life, to be better, to be what others want me to be, the list goes on. I have realised all that effort was going into a masquerade. Exhausting! Time to let it go and allow the real me to unfold. I am enjoying this new adventure, finding the true tender woman I am and have been all along, just like every other woman.
Yes, Bryony, I want to leave those old clothes behind too. That is such a helpful image about shedding the old and choosing the new. I’ve belonged to a few women’s groups of different sorts and sizes in my life, but none have ever even touched on the tenderness and gentleness that is inherent in all of us, and can be felt in the quality of the women in the Esoteric Women’s Group. The acceptance and allowing of that gentleness and tenderness creates an amazingly firm foundation in our lives. Sounds topsy-turvy, but it’s not, it’s true.
Thank you Bryony, your words are so sincere and funny!
‘Letting go of the image of myself of who I thought I wanted to be…’ I love reading this blog and particularly this morning this line struck me. You write with such honesty Bryony and in a way that so many people can relate. Yes we are often trying to be something or someone other than who we are and in that we actually miss enjoying who we are and what we uniquely bring to the world. I’ll remember this line.
Lovely blog Briony – thankyou. I also felt deeply unsettled on attending my first Women’s Group in London. I had expectations and kept very quiet as others expressed. I love them now as they support me to keep on track – as a woman – and I appreciate the sharings from every woman there, including my own now. The more we express the more I have come to realise that we often all have similar insecurities, but also all have this amazing beauty and power within. We are all the same under the skin, despite the fact that we come from many varying walks of life, culture, background etc.
This article made me laugh; so true and honest. I remembered my first venture to join a Women’s Group in London and how uncomfortable I was talking about how I felt which was new territory for me. I also kept going back and now have fun sharing with others as we take an open and honest look at the way we live.
It was the title of this blog that caught my attention: and boy oh boy did clicking it open up a can of glory! I love how straightforward and real this blog is. A really fun read, and I can relate to all of it. Thank you for sharing, Bryony.
Ah Bryony this and you are beautiful! I love the way this blog is no nonsense and very honest. The fact that you have acknowledged that you don’t want to re-create yourself in going to another country is awesome and confirms that you are not running away but choosing to return to you.
This is such a gorgeous article Bryony. So play-full and so absolutely true. Would love to read more if you feel to write. Thank you.
What stands out is Bryony’s willingness to be honest about the things that she misread and what could potentially be perceived as her own shortcomings. Most people and yep I’m including men here as well will protect their self-image at all costs and for most of us that means covering up our mistakes, anything that we perceive that we’ve ‘got wrong’ and all errors in judgement. It’s all about our image and how we’re seen which is a totally false and also stressful way to live. I feel so much freedom in being able to be totally transparent both at home and at work, I don’t put any emphasis on my ‘stuff ups’, I simply announce them as being a natural and necessary part of life, no big deal.
Awesome Bryony. It is amazing how we ‘think’ we are doing ok and then we really stop to take a look and get to feel that we may not be quite as solid as we thought. I have found the Esoteric Womens Groups you speak of to be a huge support in unraveling the web which I had placed around myself in order to bury the issues that felt so normal to me that I did not notice they were there. With full support from the Esoteric Healing Modalities as presented by Universal Medicine a process of letting go has begun and I feel more of the truth of who I am. Thank you for your for sharing Bryony.
Absolutely brilliant, I love the straightforward yet playfull approach of this blog.
I can see that holding onto what I ‘think’ is me completely shuts down any form of feeling, allowing me to be rough with my body, not tender, not gentle etc but because I have this solid picture in my head that I am ‘fine’ I don’t question anything. Stopping to actually FEEL and not THINK who I am is very revealing and as you put it ‘A Can of Glorious Worms’. To dig out all these ‘old clothes’ (ways I am with myself, my thoughts about myself etc) so to speak and throw them out for good is a at times painful experience but the benefits are truly worth the work involved rather than believing that I have no old clothes to throw out in the first place.
“Letting go of the image of myself of who I thought I wanted to be, and softening to allow other possibilities in, has been a bumpy road and very exposing, but ultimately awesome.” Thank you Briony I can very much relate to having an image of who I thought I wanted to be. Exposure of these ideals and beliefs can feel like a big ouch but yes ultimately we realise we are so much more than any preconceived image.
Thank you for your sharing a beautiful honest blog.
Hi Briony thanks for sharing so honestly. I enjoyed reading your blog and you have a great sense of humour. I love the part where you say “What if I stopped expecting other people to act the way I want them to act (and then blaming them when they inevitably don’t) and focus on what I’m bringing to that moment?” It’s great to focus on what we bring to the moment rather than others, and attending the Esoteric Women’s Groups have supported me to connect with myself and be more accepting of who I am.
Thank you Byrony for a really lovely honest account of yourself to share with everyone that we can all relate to in some way or other and see ourselves and our choices. And in expressing the enormous support these Esoteric Women’s Groups provide, by us just attending and having the opportunity to feel such a power and gentleness in allowing to connect to our true selves and coming together to share and appreciate.
I too have found attending the Esoteric Women’s Group meetings and hearing what other women have been realising for themselves a most supportive way of discovering more of who I am and what self-nurturing truly means. Lots have shared the way they treated themselves before becoming aware that there was a more loving way of being, but describing the way you washed yourself in the bath as “being strikingly similar to how you scour really filthy pans” takes the cake for me. I’m sure your body loved it when you changed that one, Byrony!
Thanks to all the commenters for your kind words. It feels amazing to be part of such a loving and supportive community. I love Johanna’s sentence – “when we feel love and truth it just keeps bringing us back to it no matter what seems to be getting in the way” Beautiful. Thank you.
Bryony – your brazen expression is truly glorious. I understand where you’re coming from completely. I remember the first Women’s Group I attended and my arrogance was working in overdrive as I sat and compared myself to everyone in the room. I had no idea what this true beauty was that they spoke of. What rubbish I thought! But I too kept going and couldn’t explain how or why. All I know was that being in the presence of these women made me feel something I had never experienced before in my life and it was (and is) truly powerful. There’s no gossip, no bitching, no judgement, only true love, acceptance and open communication. Please keep sharing!
Bryony, this is a great blog! Very open, honest and also very funny – it’s great to be able to look at things in such a light hearted way. Would love to see some more from you!
Your voice, it feels so strong and sincere. Loved it! GREAT to feel how you are re-claiming your woman within… more please!
I love your sharing! Thank you.
I could not only relate to all that you said but it has helped me to have a deeper level of understanding. After feeling and living with more tenderness and feeling that to be natural and normal, it was good to be reminded just how tricky and odd it felt when my body was hard. Also how others may be resitant when that tenderness is around them. But the beauty and truth is in what we feel. And when we feel love and truth it just keeps bringing us back to it no matter what seems to be getting in the way. I have a huge appreciation for just how powerful our love, and holding our love is.
Beautiful Bryony, what an honest and truly inspiring blog. It’s so amazing when we have those “scouring filthy pans” moments of recognising how we are truly treating ourselves. Here’s to the real and tender You and showing other women just how amazing they are too!
I absolutely love this, particularly the bit about “expecting other people to act the way I want them to act”. Ouch! If we can let go of that how awesome life will be 🙂
Thank you Bryony, more please.
Awesome Bryony, I can relate to all that you expressed so well and I love your honesty.
Awesome blog, I love how simply and honestly you write about your initial experience of the Esoteric Women’s Group. I have always wondered how things would sound to someone who had not heard of Universal Medicine before attending one of these groups… Thank you for sharing your experience Bryony.
Awesome Bryony, I smiled the whole way through, along with a few ouchs that’s what I did/ do, funny, to the point, fresh and so honest, an absolutely more please from me too.
You describe most of humanity with this one sentence: “After I’d stopped hiding behind my cloak of judgment I realised that my fake façade of perfection was held together with old bits of sellotape – completely see-through to everyone but me – and was something I was clinging onto so dearly that I felt I had no idea who I was anymore.” Who among us cannot say this same thing, once we wake up to ourselves? Thanks for nailing it, Bryony.
Yes, well said Gayle. That is a totally stunning sentence.
Bryony, I have so enjoyed reading and seeing so much of myself reflected in this honest and to the point blog. I am in agreement with all the above comments – yes, to more from you!
This is a blog I can very much relate to! Before I came to know Universal Medicine I was like that too. I thought being tender and showing your feminine side was a form of weakness and self-care was something that needed to be done not something to enjoy and take your time for as I do now!
I realised that being tender does not mean weak, there is a huge strength in being tender – I now love being tender and feminine, I love to take time to shower, dress and put on my make up. I love to be tender when doing things like opening a door or doing the dishes. The greatest thing is that with living in this more tender way I am enjoying everything I do and I do things more playfully and creatively and I feel much more Joy in living my life.
Thank you very much Bryony for writing so honestly, this made me realise and appreciate all of the above!
Loooove it! Love the way you express your experience. Is it not great to find out how we trick ourselves, thinking we are OK while we are hard and numb? But what I love is that: we know it better; we feel that there is a truth and we are pulled to that truth. LOVE, Tender, Beauty – Yeah!
Like you said: “Just want to leave behind what isn’t me, like the bag of old clothes that no longer fit me or feel like me, and return to the real tender me again.” Yes, We are returning to what we truly are!
Wow Bryony, you express this so beautifully, by the end I could see you unfurling your butterfly wings and flying off. I love the ‘What ifs’ you offer, a great way to challenge our beliefs, thank you.
Awesome! as I so love your straightforward no mucking around way of saying how it is .. love it .. I can totally relate to your experience, thanks for your awesome expression.
Bryony – who are you?! I want to meet you! I love this article. It is touching, funny irreverent and with such a beautiful message. More please!
‘Bryony…I want to meet you’- that was my response to reading this blog also. Pretty much every sentence was a highlight which I could relate to, but “No airy-fairy rainbow-clad paths to self-enlightenment here, this was about dealing with your stuff and getting over yourself” just sings out. That has been my experience of all Esoteric Women’s Groups that I have attended as well.
Yes I agree totally I want to meet you as well… Such an awesome blog exposing so many elements and layers that I have also been through. Reading your blog is so refreshing and fun — thank you Byrony.