Childhood Sexual Abuse and Abusive Sexual Relationships

by Anonymous

CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE

When I was 7 years old my mum’s then boyfriend sexually abused me. I told mum at the time and her response was… “He was only trying to make you feel good”. I never spoke of the event again until I was 18.

When I brought up my childhood sexual abuse at 18, my mother said she could not remember a thing and also said that it had never happened. I felt deeply hurt and very sad that my mother did not accept that I was speaking the truth. All I ever wanted from her was acknowledgement that the sexual abuse did happen, rather than pretend that it didn’t.

My mum was also molested as a child. I understand that she was not supported either so it is possible that she too is holding all the pain and sadness within her. Perhaps it was the same for her.

I know that her mother too was physically abused by my grandfather – on one occasion, for wearing lipstick at 16, he hit her over the head with a pitchfork. She was probably not supported or given the opportunity to feel and heal her own wounds, so she probably would have not been able to provide any support for my mother.

As an adult I know what is true and there is no need for anyone else to get it, but as a child I was either silent and never spoke about it, or I wanted my mum to own up and take responsibility for not being there for me as a child, for not listening to me when I was 7 – needing her to support me rather than just try and brush it away.

Why is it that we as women have accepted so much abuse in our lives?

Why is it that when we are abused, at no matter what age, we remain silent?

ABUSIVE  SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS

Why is it that as women we have sexual relationships that are abusive in many ways, yet we live with it, accept it as normal?  Is it because we are brought up to believe that ‘He was only trying to make you feel good’, or ‘It’s just part of being in a relationship’.

Is it because as young girls we look at our mothers and other women as role models and we witness their sadness, their ‘putting up with abusive relationships’ and we accept that as ‘Normal’, so we surrender to this way of being because there is no one to show us that there is indeed another way?

This has been my experience.  My role models have been unhappy women who needed to drink or take drugs in the morning or afternoon to make it through the day, who argued often with their partners, complained about them behind their backs and stayed helplessly in relationships that they were not happy in.

And so it appears the same pattern continues down through generations because no one has chosen to break the pattern of abuse, and often the sadness and pain seem like too much to look at. 

DEALING WITH THE ABUSE ISSUE 

Many women these days have been subjected to sexual abuse of some form. (For further reference see Sexual Assault, Sexual Abuse and Creeps…Statistics and My Story). When we deny it, and bury it, it seems to stay with us forever. If we bury it, brush it under the carpet and pretend it’s not there, it just festers and rots and it does affect us in so many ways: in how we trust people (or don’t), and in how we are in all our relationships.

It is never easy to lift up the carpet, so to speak, and look at all the mess we left under there, but when we make the time to feel the hurt, get honest and take responsibility for our part in it as well as being more accepting of where others are at, then we create a space and an opportunity to move on from that hurt. The memory can stay with us, but it won’t be like a splinter in our foot, hurting us every time we take a step.

I have opened a can of worms over the last 3 years – really being honest with what happened when I was sexually abused and how I feel about it.  I have also been looking at all my relationships with men and am taking responsibility now for my part in it –for my part in accepting that abuse, because I did not realise at the time that it was abuse and that we as women do not need to live with that.

The sexual abuse I experienced so early in my childhood life hugely affected me and the way I relate to people in so many ways, well into my adulthood.  That is why in many ways I continued to accept abuse on many levels, in hidden ways, but still they were abusive nonetheless.

As a result of my childhood experience of sexual abuse I kept people out of my life and stayed really quite separate and alone for a long time in an illusion that it would keep me safe and I wouldn’t be able to get hurt again.  And the sad fact is, this keeping myself separate was kind of like a self-abuse, as keeping myself on my own is what hurt me the most.

Even though I have had counselling and have spoken about my childhood sexual abuse, up until recently I was still stuck in the hurt of it all. I felt that I was a victim, and I was choosing to stay in it. It may sound strange, but I was so used to identifying with being a victim that there was a part of me that was holding onto it rather than releasing it and seeing it as a thing of the past.

With the support of Universal Medicine and with the inspiration and role models from the students of the Esoteric work, I feel that I am no longer a victim and that I do not need to tolerate abuse anymore.

The role models that I have now in my life show me that there is no room for abuse in a loving relationship, that love can be felt in everything that is shared in a partnership throughout the day and not just in the bed.

The most important part for me was that I had to learn to love me first and foremost, and I realised that I had never ever come even close to that.  I am now learning and loving the process of re-developing my love for myself.  Not being selfish, but just taking care of me because I am worth it.

The Truth is we are all worth it. No one deserves abuse.

Inspired by the work of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon 

187 thoughts on “Childhood Sexual Abuse and Abusive Sexual Relationships

  1. “there is no room for abuse in a loving relationship” A relationship with another or with ourselves is not loving if there is any abuse.

  2. I was sexually abused as a teenager and I never told my parents about it. Guilt, self-loathing, anger and deep sadness festered inside for many years and affected my relationships, especially with males. I didn’t trust them. I was very anxious when I was touched by a male. I wore large clothing. I hated myself. I felt dirty. Thankfully, years later I met Serge Benhayon who taught me that even though the emotional trauma may be there in sexual abuse, our sacredness as a woman is never tainted, and still can be reconnected to and reignited. This understanding helped me a lot.
    I deeply appreciate the counselling and esoteric healing I received several year ago. Today, I have healed my hurts and love being me- a sensitive, loving, caring, nurturing woman.

  3. “The Truth is we are all worth it. No one deserves abuse.” You sum it up perfectly, we are all every single one of us worthy of great love and respect.

  4. We cannot lie to children or adults for that matter no matter how hard we try. If we are not acknowledged or confirmed in what we know is truth we grow up discounting ourselves and giving ourselves away. Confirming children they grow up confidently supporting them to listen to what they feel is true which guides them throughout their life.

  5. “The Truth is we are all worth it. No one deserves abuse.” Absolutely and this is why we have to speak up if we don’t our self worth plummets because we are not expressing what we know is not true. Speaking up is a healing within its self and supports us all to not allow abuse of any kind to continue.

  6. Sexual abuse can be hidden completely from oneself. We may cleverly hide things deep inside, especially if it is hard to swallow. To consciously realise what happened can be very painful especially when the harm may have been done by our parents. The beauty of esoteric healing is that we are offered an opportunity to feel it as it is stuck in the body, and then when it is felt is can be released from the body and healed forever.

  7. Each and every one of us have the responsibility of not accepting abuse anywhere within the world. You have broken a cycle of abuse here and that is a great start.

  8. Even the smallest baby steps in self care, slowly build a solid foundation which builds self love, when we self love we start to honour what is true for ourselves and then any form of abuse stands out a mile and it becomes our natural way to say no to it.

  9. We have as women accepted abuse in its many forms as the norm. But I am also looking at the abuse I create in relationships. I am seeing that I am not such an ‘innocent victim’ as that role suited me well. It is this deeper looking at what we get out of accepting abuse and our part to play that feels like an important step out of it.

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