To Disempower or to Empower – That is the Question…

by JK, UK

I was recently reminded, at a women’s group I regularly attend, how much we can either disempower ourselves or empower ourselves while being out in the world. Reflecting on this I realised that the choice to disempower has in the past come too readily. Let me explain further.

When I say disempower, what I mean here is that I’ve left my house feeling fairly content with the way I look, the way I feel and with the day ahead of me, then something happens to change that. That something has for me been triggered by:

  • Seeing another woman who looks amazing
  • Seeing another woman who deals with a situation confidently in a way that doesn’t deter her from where she was heading
  • Receiving a comment from another woman about the way I look, for example ‘Have you lost weight? You look thin?’
  • Having another woman stare at me, or who looked me up and down
  • Standing in front of a counter waiting to be served and the woman behind the counter completely ignores me as though I’m not even there
  • Walking past the beauty counters in a store and two women working there look at me then giggle.

What has happened in each of these actual scenarios is that I have in that moment doubted myself in some way and the sparkle that I left the house with has dipped. In reaction to each of these scenarios I have disempowered myself by questioning in my mind

  • Do I look as amazing as the other woman?
  • Could I deal with that situation as confidently as that woman did?
  • I don’t feel like I’ve lost weight, but maybe I have?
  • Maybe that woman who stared at me saw something I didn’t? Have I got spinach on my teeth? A lump of mascara on my forehead? Did I accidently tuck my skirt into my knickers etc.!
  • Am I worthy of that woman paying attention to me and serving me?
  • Those girls at the beauty counter probably think I’m too old to wear these trousers!

From this questioning in my mind I feel deflated and less than I was feeling when I left the house; I then feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

I’m sure some of these scenarios feel familiar to you, and when I consider this now it feels ridiculous to have those thoughts, particularly as I had left the house this morning feeling sparkly, and looking lovely.  

So what happens in the disempowering…. how do we go from feeling sparkly and empowered to feeling disempowered by one single moment or encounter?

What I am realising (and this is work in progress for me) is that for so long I have taken the outer (things people say or to me, at me and about me) with such validity that I have not stopped for a moment to check out how I actually, truly feel in that moment, and to confirm that to myself BEFORE I take on something from outside of me.

I have given my power away to the outer, like a comment from another woman, without even allowing myself to stay sparkly and steady. This now feels ludicrous because deep down inside I know I feel great and whatever anyone else says or feels, that greatness is still there. It might be different if for instance, a bucket of water fell on my head as I went to work (though arguably, why would even that change the loveliness I feel inside!?), however nothing had actually changed since I left my house, so why did I choose to take on what another said or did?

The ridiculousness of this is that in these scenarios it is me who chooses to disempower myself, to disconnect from the sparkle I could feel by giving more credence to the outer world (and what for example, another woman does or says) – and I choose that, rather than be guided by my own inner sense of myself and my own inner feelings. There is no one else I can blame for these situations whatsoever – I can’t blame that lady for looking at me, or the woman for looking gorgeous, as it was me who reacted and me who, through that choice, became deflated, right in front of my own eyes.

So where am I going with this?

For me, the simplicity of this awareness has already empowered me:

I feel empowered knowing it is ME who makes the choice to deflate myself, to choose something outside of me to have more credence than what I feel. What I am now inspired to do is to observe when these moments occur and realise in that moment I have a choice – to dip, or to stay steady.

Understanding myself more deeply from this is empowering. It is possible that my responses to those scenarios could now be

  • Wow! That woman looks gorgeous, how amazing (and be inspired by her)
  • I can learn from the way that lady confidently dealt with that situation; that was inspiring
  • I know my weight hasn’t changed, I feel great
  • She must be staring at me because I’m so sparkly, yay to that!
  • That woman isn’t looking at me – she obviously needs sunglasses because of my dazzling sparkle before she can serve me!
  • Those girls are appreciating my loveliness, as am I.

As inspired from Esoteric Women’s Group, Sunday 25th July, London – based on the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

310 thoughts on “To Disempower or to Empower – That is the Question…

  1. To compare with another my base of ‘me’ is already false. If I deem myself better or worse than another that which is better or worse isn’t love. When solid in myself I don’t have those thoughts of comparison.

  2. We, as women, have become masters at dis-empowering ourselves as a result of reacting to something on the outside of us, without taking a moment to check on how we are feeling on the inside. The reactions usually stem from jealousy and comparison, two of the most destructive emotions we can connect to. When we feel either of those emotions beginning to arise in us it is a sure indication that we have allowed the outer to dictate how we will feel in the next moment, instead of choosing to stay steady by staying connected to our beautiful selves.

  3. I love your playfulness in the last part and that is another quality that can help break self-criticism and seriousness when we are in it.

  4. Our confidence is an innate quality that is naturally lived through our connection to our essence, to who we are. It is the evil of comparison and jealousy the enters to undermine us living the power of who we are but only because we have left our connection and on a certain level have chosen to step down from living our divine power. Appreciate who we already are and let our Livingness confirm the graceful beauty of our power.

  5. Thoughts in our heads can be so belittling and bringing us down. My check question nowadays is; ‘would my soul say this to me?’ And if not I don’t listen to that voice that is trying to separate me from feeling and being amazing and powerful.

  6. It’s fascinating how easy and how habitual it can be to bring ourselves down, simply by allowing and aligning to thoughts that aren’t us: comparing ourselves to another or being in self doubt.. all of these are indulgences that perpetuate the lie that we are somehow less. Observation is such a great tool so that we can see what triggers these moments and that we do actually have a choice to dip or stay steady.. it’s a constant choice, moment to moment.

  7. Thank you Jane – recognising we have a choice to confirm ourselves in our steadiness or allow ourselves to be taken out by what is happening around us is empowering in itself and also means that if we do get pulled out we can clock it and choose to come back to ourselves and not let it affect the rest of our day.

  8. Bringing in understanding and observing does change so much, ‘I feel empowered knowing it is ME who makes the choice to deflate myself, to choose something outside of me to have more credence than what I feel.’ With this understanding you can now make new loving choices and responses.

  9. Observation is a powerful tool, ‘What I am now inspired to do is to observe when these moments occur and realise in that moment I have a choice – to dip, or to stay steady.’

  10. As soon as we look to the outside for anything to confirm us we disempower and discount ourselves and our true feelings, not valuing who we truly are or the qualities we bring.

    1. It is very true and has been my experience also. The moment we seek outside of ourselves for anything we have lost sense of who truly are. This is a sure sign that we have disconnected from our essence. From then whatever to try for is going to be a diminished version of our innate power and never be fulfilling or settling. The question that I have found that offers great healing is to ask why have we chosen to walk away from living our power?

  11. It is a great situation to bring up and to consider, and I would imagine so common in women, the thoughts are quite ridiculous especially when you left your home feeling and looking lovely, and yes, ‘ I have in that moment doubted myself in some way and the sparkle that I left the house with has dipped. In reaction to each of these scenarios I have disempowered myself by questioning in my mind.’

  12. ‘deep down inside I know I feel great and whatever anyone else says or feels, that greatness is still there.’
    The greatness that is inside us, is always there. The question is do we stay connected to it or do we connect to something else?

    1. Yes it is our choice and in recognising that we can more easily re-connect to our own greatness and build a foundation where we are less likely to be pulled out by what anyone else does or says.

  13. I experienced this last week when I gave a workshop where one of the women looked (in my eyes) very critical at me and didn’t connect at all. This had happened the week before with her as well and then I let it ‘get to me’ and I could feel myself change and feel a bit insecure over it. But last week I choose different and I stayed connected with the loveliness I felt inside. I simple held her and the rest of the group in love, there was simple too much love and steadiness inside. At the end of the workshop she connected with the whole group and expressed what was going on for her.

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