Breasts, Bras and One Amazing Hug

by Heidi, 23, Goonellabah, New South Wales

I developed breasts at a young age and did my best to ignore their arrival. Into my mid-teens I usually wore loose fitted tops and compressing sports bras. My friends would often comment about the size of my breasts when they happened to see me in a singlet or fitted top. I could feel the comparison they went into and I was so bemused by their attention, and shocked at talk of wanting breast implants and finding bras with maximum padding.

Wearing sports bras most days continued into my early twenties. At the time, I enjoyed the feeling of a flatter chest as I thought it made me look skinnier. I disliked how my shoulders and upper body looked with a bra – I just felt top heavy and clunky. I had tried some strapless bras and found them horrible. Strangely, I wore them quite regularly. They cut in, jabbed me and made my whole chest feel hard.

The first time I even became aware of how I was with my breasts, was with a hug. I met a woman and when I hugged her I was astounded by how gentle she felt, how surrendered her shoulders felt, and how unimposing her breasts felt. This left such a lasting impression; I was so used to hugs that were brief, polite but reserved and just plain awkward. It was beautiful to have this marker, but painful to suddenly have a reference point to feel just how hard my body was. My breasts felt like boulders in-between me and this woman as we hugged. Let me clarify – this had nothing to do with their shape or size, but how they sat on my chest.

I shared that I loved the way she was and how she hugged. She then mentioned her personal story of having a couple of Esoteric Breast Massages (EBMs) and the difference they had made. Well, EBMs seemed a bit out there for me and it was not a prospect I was super excited about. However, almost 6 months later I moved to an area where there was a certified Esoteric Breast Massage practitioner fairly close by (the practitioner was female, as they always are with this modality).

Because of the impact of this woman’s hug, I decided to grit my teeth and see what an Esoteric Breast Massage was. Turns out it was intense, lovely, surprisingly normal and so, so, so beautiful.

It was intense because as I lay there I felt that my breasts didn’t actually feel like they were a part of my body. They felt like two inconvenient growths that I tolerated yet rejected. It actually felt like they were sitting on top of my body and not part of it – crazy!

Well, to my own surprise I chose to have a fair few more EBMs. I couldn’t believe that my body was constantly showing me how I was with myself and how I was living my life. I had never made a correlation between the feelings I had about myself and how these impacted on my daily life and choices.

What I began to see was that when I was stressed, beating myself up or hating on myself, my body would actually harden. Not just my breasts, but my shoulders would feel like they were raised and hard and my back would feel hunched and cagey.

On the other hand however, I was in awe as I discovered that these feelings in my body weren’t the norm or my default setting. Sure I had been living this way for ages, but it wasn’t actually me. EBMs allowed me to feel this inner contentment and peace that was so new and extraordinary, yet strangely familiar.

I was astounded when I began to feel my breasts become a part of my body. It may sound weird, but it’s like I had breasts for the first time. They felt softer, they felt like they were mine and they felt beautiful.

Just to rewind a little bit – it took a while to feel that. The Esoteric Breast Massages brought up a whole lot to feel and to be honest about. To be frank – it was intense. But I was brave… I chose to be open to the possibility that how I felt about myself and the thoughts I had about myself had real implications on my body.

And then I chose to be open to the possibility that I may have some stuff to deal with. I had to be honest and let myself register my self-talk. I took note of ‘popular’ thoughts like: my breasts are not the right size / shape, I’m disgusting because I don’t look like the girls that I had seen in porn or even mainstream media, I’m not pretty enough, not womanly enough… well, the list goes on.

I was also open to the fact that my body had to bear the brunt of how I took on other people’s feelings about me and my body. How my father no longer seemed as open to me when I started looking like a woman, how guys mainly seemed to want to hook up with me so they could ‘cop a feel’, and how friends were comparing and sometimes (dare I say it)… jealous.

It was confronting to realise that my body was a living testament to all my experiences. How I washed myself in the shower, the feeling of dread that came at the prospect of walking up to friends in swimwear, the way I chose to get dressed and the clothes I bought. The self-critiquing and self-bashing was so normal and ingrained into my behaviours for so long, that initially it didn’t even make a blip on my radar.

You know what? I have to give myself a pat on the back, because it was intense to feel all of these things and stick with it. Every time something really raw came up to feel and deal with, there was always a choice. Sometimes I would choose to not deal with it or be honest. Funnily enough when this happened, before I knew it I would be in front of the fridge eating. It was a relief to feel the rush of food subside my feelings and replace it with a sense of numbness throughout my body, with a side effect of bloating. However, most often I chose to allow these things to come up and then to let them go.

The reason I find Esoteric Breast Massages so powerful is not because of the practicalities of the massage – it’s actually about the quality of how the practitioner laid her hands on me. It has always been done with this enormous amount of professionalism, gentleness, love, integrity, respect and honouring of me. These qualities came across so strongly and I felt them so deeply. The EBMs were just like the hug, as it was their quality that made them so amazing.

What was most astounding is that this modality highlighted that I was not treating myself with such loving tenderness, while simultaneously confirming that I actually am that loving tenderness deep within.

I want to deeply thank the practitioners of the Esoteric Breast Massage modality. These women live with such dedication to their own self-love and their love of people that I was able to feel the possibility for so much more, and to live so much more.

Simply put, I cherish this modality.

178 thoughts on “Breasts, Bras and One Amazing Hug

  1. The Esoteric Breast Massage invites a woman to honour and feel the natural preciousness and sacredness of her body.

  2. Heidi there was a phrase that stood out to me and that was ‘cop a feel’. It’s an ugly phrase to describe an ugly act but then again so many of our behaviours are ugly, especially to do with physical intimacy with each other. ‘Get ya leg over, hump, root, f@*k, bone’, they are all pretty grim expressions but none the less they describe how we are with each other which basically boils down to seeing one another as vehicles to release ourselves in or on or with and I am talking about both men and women here. There is such beauty and such depth to every single one of us but we have strayed a long way from expressing and accessing that depth, however we will all return to it one day and hopefully once back we’ll choose never to leave it again.

  3. Heidi you finished with a word that I absolutely adore and that is ‘cherish’, if only we were to ‘cherish’ ourselves then our whole view and experience of life would change so radically that life would present itself in a completely different way.

  4. I agree ‘You know what? I have to give myself a pat on the back’. It is amazing you allowed yourself to feel all of these uncomfortable feelings and experiences and stay with the process and now have a completely different relationship with your body. Very inspiring.

  5. Thanks Heidi. It’s exquisite to feel the reflection of your own experience in my own body.. and this is very healing for me now

  6. Thank you Heidi, what a great sharing of your experiences with your body and how the EBM has supported you. “What was most astounding is that this modality highlighted that I was not treating myself with such loving tenderness, while simultaneously confirming that I actually am that loving tenderness deep within.” This line is explains why the EBM is so different to anything out there, it’s not purely physical to promote function, and it’s not about making women feel temporarily better or to fix anything, it approaches women as already being love and many other amazing qualities, and it supports women to reconnect to this within themselves.

  7. The transformative power of a hug is demonstrated so clearly here but also great credit to you that you were open to feeling the difference and exploring how you could support yourself to ‘go there’. By being willing to share your story so honestly you are are giving other women a virtual hug that offers the opportunity to consider that there is another way.

  8. I love how you appreciate yourself Heidi that you continued to persevere with the EBM’s, despite feeling uncomfortable initially, you knew you would get such a healing from the treatments. So many women have negative feelings about their breasts, you have changed how you feel about your body permanently, that is so awesome.

  9. I’ve had a couple of EBM treatments and they have been absolutely amazing. I felt so much more connected to my body and able to feel the exquisiteness of who I am. The practitioners were deeply respectful, caring, tender and honouring of my body. The care and level of professionalism was incredible and this supported me to let go of the hardness I held in my body and I allowed myself to feel the delicateness of every part of my body and how it is worth cherishing from head to toe.

  10. This is a brilliant personal account of how Esoteric Breast Massages can support us to heal and grow as a woman if we are willing to do so. It was also awesome to realise something so little as a hug can be such a powerful inspiration and catalyst for change.

  11. What a great realisation to come to, ‘my body was constantly showing me how I was with myself and how I was living my life. I had never made a correlation between the feelings I had about myself and how these impacted on my daily life and choices.’

  12. A great realisation in appreciating how our body is communicating with us all the time reflecting our lifestyle choices and the way in which we live. It makes sense how our thoughts influence us to take on behaviours that are not true so rather than appreciating and expressing our innate beauty as a woman we end up criticising ourselves and living far lesser than who we truly are.

    1. Opening up to and appreciating the communication from my body was a revelation and how much I had shut down any sense of being a woman and the inevitable and painful disconnection that this brought. It has been at times a challenging journey but the joy of re-connecting and embracing myself as a woman has given me a settlement that I had been searching for all my life.

  13. You mention here about the awkwardness of walking around in a swimsuit and I can really feel how rare it is to see someone who is at ease with their body in a swimsuit. We should shout from the rooftops if we find a modality that builds love in and with our bodies as the impact on our mental and physical health is exponential.

    1. I agree Lucy and the EBM is definitely a modality that supports women to build a more loving relationship with their body and how often do we come across a modality that supports us to this level of love and care? It is a blessing to humanity to have this modality that supports us to be more loving, tender and caring to our body. 

  14. Anything that supports a woman to return to her sacredness has to be welcomed, living and reflecting sacredness is so needed in our world at present.

    1. Beautifully said Lorraine and I absolutely agree. I feel sacredness is what will support humanity to return to harmony and support us to live our natural loving way. I know more and more people are learning to reconnect to their sacredness and this is a blessing to witness and be a part of.

  15. How awesome to have Sacred Esoteric Breast Massage available as a support to women on their journey of return to their innate sacredness. I know this modality and the beautiful and dedicated practitioners who offer it has allowed me to feel the sacredness of the woman I am…. what greater gift could a woman receive than this….I feel truly blessed.

  16. Thank you for sharing your journey Heidi, it is very easy to disconnect from our breasts, and through the Esoteric Breast Massage it slowly breaks down the protection we hold ourselves in, as we discover the true delicateness and joy of being a woman.

  17. Thank you for sharing your cherishing of the EBM modality and your gratitude towards the EBM practitioners who reflect not only a deep dedication to a professional yet tender approach to their work but also demonstrate how to live in a loving way embracing all that it means to be a woman.

  18. Esoteric Breast Massage is a wonderful modality which can help us to embrace the true women we are, to embrace our femaleness, and to appreciate our breasts as an integral part of our body.

  19. Giving our power away to our thoughts is disminished the power and beauty that is within all of us. Living under the belief that we are not good enough is very exhausting as it has noting to do with our natural and joyful way of being. We are beautiful by nature, this simple truth invites me to return to the equalness that we come from.

  20. It’s astonishing how similar is your experience to mine Heidi. I also lived thinking that my body was not ok, my hips too wide, my breasts too small and umcomfortable, I never felt beautiful enough which without I realized affected my posture and the way I walked, with my shoulders closed the most of the time.

    When I had my first Esoteric Breast Massage I realized how ashamed I actually was about being me in my own skin and how this way of being with myself was affecting my whole body. It was also a new mark for me of the tenderness and beauty that I never experienced before and felt really supportive. I’m sometimes still dealing with my lack of self-worth but thanks to Universal Medicine I’ve realized that this is a choice and not a condition to live with anymore, that everytime that I feel not beautiful enough I can return to the infinite love within me.

    1. The thing is we’ve come to believe that our beauty is our own, that it’s something that’s derived from our features, the length of our legs or the thickness of our hair but it’s not. ‘Our’ beauty is not our own, it belongs to the beauty of life and it is a quality that comes through us and not from us.

  21. As soon as I heard about EBM’s I was very curious and felt straight away that this is what I needed for myself and booked myself in for a session, totally unaware of what I was holding within my breasts. What was released on that first session was huge and each session after that was different but all so very beautifully nurturing, respectful and very supportive. These session definitely helped me connect much more deeply to myself as a woman and helped me connect to the tenderness within me.

  22. When it comes to our breasts and bodies in general, the grass is always greener. People with big breasts want smaller ones, people with small breasts want larger ones. It’s quite ridiculous as we always want something we don’t have. But we’re always given what is our and what if we took the approach to loving what we have and going “wow, this is me”?

  23. Shutting down our femaleness is the greatest scar we as women silently bear. Resurrecting it is the greatest joy, not only for ourselves but for all we then share this heavenly expression with.

  24. There is something quite special about a breast hug. It may sound odd, but there are times when I notice either my own breasts or another’s and how they are in a hug. There is nothing whatsoever sexual about this as if you truly connect to the essence of your breasts, it is so far from the way society currently views breasts which is all about sex (or breastfeeding).

  25. Being open to what life brings supports us to not dismiss otherwise we miss out on life such as the Esoteric Breast Massage. Being open is working with God as opposed to controlling and living what I want in life.

  26. Very interesting to consider that how we view ourselves has a massive impact on the quality of our life and yet we don’t always realise it because we do it so often it seems so normal. When we have an experience or a session that reconnects us to an essence that is free of all of that it really helps to see the patterns that we are choosing and supports real, lasting, authentic changes to be made which has a ripple effect in all of our life.

  27. We can so easily forget that how we are with our bodies impacts us, that our thoughts impact us, and we then often want to avoid truly feeling this in the body, hence the need to numb with food etc. What you describe here is beautiful the claiming back of your breasts as an integral part of you and doing this supported you to see how you’d been living.

  28. I love how you say you were brave. So very truly put, it takes courage to face all that what we have experienced in life and see the part we have played in it.

  29. Giving myself a pat on the back is becoming my norm! For so long it was all to easy to give myself a hard time but very gently I am beginning to make appreciation a part of my foundation in life placing my attention on giving myself pats on the back as opposed to seeing and grabbing every opportunity in giving myself a hard time and the knock on effect is life is so much easier and playful.

    1. Self-flagellation is so old era. Self-appreciation is ‘the new black’. Watch out world when humanity gets a hold of this one! 😉

  30. I loved reading your experience of the EBM Heidi, thanks for sharing how it helped you to unlock your body and feel all the ways you’d treated it, and learn to build a different relationship with it, and with you.

  31. A beautiful blog. The woman’s body is such a sacred object and the EBM honours that. When you look at this story and see the miraculous changes due to a lived quality being passed on it’s a realisation how the World and each of us need this quality in our life.

  32. Wow so amazing to read your experience and feel how touched you were by first the women that you hugged and then by your actual session in the treatment room. The Esoteric Breast Massage is the most incredible modality that supports us Woman to connect back to the truth of who we are.

  33. I find that its interesting that the EBM is a thing that many male journalists like to ridicule and make fun of. This is of deep disrespect to woman as what a woman chooses as support for her body is totally up to her. The fact that some journalists have a lack of understanding for this is there issue and highlights a lack of respect that they have for women and women’s bodies.

  34. I love the courage you embodied to address the thoughts and feelings you had about yourself and your body so that you could heal what stood in the way of you feeling yourself as the beautiful woman you are, be able to embrace your breasts as your own and also cherish yourself and your tenderness with the deeply gorgeous support of the EBM modality. A truly amazing transformation.

  35. Our reaction or response to the possibility of an EBM is very revealing as to how we feel about ourselves as women. I too have come to cherish my EMBs to deepen my appreciation of myself as a beautiful woman and to appreciate the tender touch of a woman practitioner in supporting me to feel the sacredness.

  36. I have had a few EBMs over the past few years and reading this I’m reminded of how lovely they are, purely for the connection to me as a woman. I have lived so much of my life in function and when doing that I’m far from the womanly grace, beauty and sacredness I am. EBMs are a sure fire way for me to reconnect to the essence of me as the woman I am.

  37. Heidi, I absolutely love this sharing, you had me nodding and smiling throughout, I can identify with a lot of what you shared, the awkwardness around my breasts, how the Esoteric Breast Massage opened up a whole new world and I particularly adore your honesty in how you felt having EBM’s and how you were prepared to keep going even when it was uncomfortable and most of all how you appreciate yourself in this. You remind me that no matter what is in front of me, it’s about my willingness to look and I couldn’t put it any better how EBM’s have supported in this ‘The reason I find Esoteric Breast Massages so powerful is not because of the practicalities of the massage – it’s actually about the quality of how the practitioner laid her hands on me.’ That captures so much and how precious and amazing this modality is and how fortunate we all are to have it. Thank you.

  38. I’ve had hugs from women that have deeply impressed me too – they can be delicious, so divinely nurturing in their yumminess. Opening to all we can be as women – what’s not to love? The more people we can embrace in our preciousness to ignite theirs the better.

  39. Thank you Heidi for sharing your EBM journey and I too cherish this modality and the deeply tender reflection we get from all the practitioners which is so inspiring. For me this has transformed how I see and treat my breasts and allowed for an awesome deepening of my relationships with them. The impact of being willing to address the issues of self-neglect in this area and deeply buried hurts has not only improved my relationship with my body and myself but also my relationships with others as I no longer function in constant protection and now do my best to be open with everyone I meet.

  40. Thank you Heidi for your honest, heart-felt and frank account of your experiences in growing up and then with the EBM sessions that changed your whole way of being in yourself. Your dealing with what came up for you and your enormous appreciation of this modality has made for a very inspiring blog.

  41. Esoteric Breast Massages are one of the most exquisite gift there are for women. For we are able to feel and connect to our delicacy as women and just how beautiful we are. We also get to feel that how we live and the choice we make don’t support us to live that or even know that. This can be challenging but always worth it.

  42. This is a very touching blog, I always find it so interesting hearing how women are brave enough to face up to their buried issues and embrace this modality. I found it extremely challenging but equally rewarding. For me the difference was so great in my breasts after the EBMs it was like I had had a breast surgery, they were so soft yet full and my partner at the time was shocked and appreciative to see the physical change in my breasts, he would actually tell me to book sessions because he new that when I did I was also more settled in the house and with the kids.

  43. This is a lovely sharing, and I agree EBM’s are a very profound healing modality, they have helped me to connect with my breasts, my tenderness and delicateness. ‘What was most astounding is that this modality highlighted that I was not treating myself with such loving tenderness, while simultaneously confirming that I actually am that loving tenderness deep within.’

  44. I’m with you Heidi and deeply cherish EBM’s and EBM practitioners. Reading this and feeling the way a EBM practitioner has always placed their hands on me with the most exquisite preciousness and love, made me realise how, even though I am so much more gentle with my breasts, I don’t touch them in the same way. And I am okay being seen in a gorgeous bra but in swimwear is another story. Thank you Heidi, for when we share so openly and honestly, we also support other women in bringing up what is there for them in their bodies.

  45. This is such a beautiful blog Heidi, I loved reading about your journey with your breasts, it’s so true that we take on so much stuff people say about us, instead of first confirming what we already know, and the things people say can effect us for SO long. I’m so thankful for the Esoteric Women’s Health modalities that have helped me claim back my body and build a relationship with who I am, so that when people say things to me I can discern if they are true and in line with the loveliness I know or not.

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