Me and My Hair

by Shevon Simon, London, England

As I sit here twisting my hair I keep having thoughts of how beautiful it is and how beautiful I am.

What a turnaround!

The changes both in and towards myself began to occur three years ago, when I started regular sessions with an Esoteric Healing Practitioner in London. At this time my hair was at its worst. It was in its natural state as I had stopped all the pressing, chemical relaxing and even blow drying which had started at least 7-10 years earlier. However, my hair was still thinning and falling out. The purpose of having these healing sessions wasn’t to do with my hair at all, and in fact ‘my hair state’ was only ever mentioned once. The reason I chose to have these sessions was to feel better in my body, since at the time I was living with an enormous amount of emotional pain and stress. Slowly, slowly as I began to make changes in my life, and lifestyle, I turned my attention to my hair. I began by buying quality products, noticing the effects that such products had upon my hair, and also seeking professional help from a Trichologist. This all helped me to understand my hair, and what it needed to help repair it.

Today, I have come to love my hair just the way it is, with its natural curl and bounce!

What has been most fun has been the joy I experience with all the different styles I ‘accidentally’ come across just by playing around with it. And rather than copying styles verbatim from magazines, I have begun to trust how I want to style my hair and have started to let go of all the thoughts like, “I didn’t know what to do with it”, or that “the natural way I wanted to style it would be incorrect” etc.

Slowly, slowly I have let go of the urge to grab a magazine or search the internet for that reassurance. I’ve begun to trust how I want to have my hair and how my hands want to move when handling it – I have now discovered for myself the most amazing styles and love my own unique look and just how ‘bouncy’ both myself and my hair feel when rocking a new look!

After many years of pressing, straightening, blow drying, agonising and wishing for different hair, I hadn’t realised that by having such a strong desire for my hair to be different, I would so easily abuse my hair by putting it through such ‘experiences’.

As a young black girl growing up, I recall being compared to my peers in relation to how our hair was. One measure of our ‘goodness’ and ‘acceptability’ was shown through our hair in its texture, thickness and length. I grew up hearing a term called ‘good hair’. Having this ‘good hair’, was hair that was shoulder length or longer, thick and was silky soft. My own hair certainly was not all of these things; it was shorter than shoulder length and was described as ‘fine’. I felt excluded from the ‘good hair’ group and longed to see the glee in people’s eyes when they looked at me the same way I saw them look at other girls with the ‘good hair’. I decided I would do all I could to make my hair fit the perfect picture, which I now know was impossible, but at least I would have got 11 out of 10 for effort! I fantasised about having long hair and remember walking around the house around age 7 with a towel on my head, pretending my hair has was longer and had the flow I longed for. I believed that the more effort I put in, even if it was just a fantasy, that one day it would become true – and I would arrive!

When I moved into my teens I would pore over magazines – reading and buying lotions and potions that claimed to grow my hair. None of these ever worked. I began to turn in on myself more and more, as I literally closed down on myself. The more I did this, the worse I felt about myself and also my hair… and the more it started to experience breakage. I felt sad that I wasn’t like the others (I had compared myself with). My hair was just ONE area where I felt I didn’t fit in, and the sadder I became with things, the more my self-hatred developed and the more jealous I became of other girls…

Thinking back, I do recall a time around age 13 when I was staying with my cousin. As I styled my hair in the bathroom I remember actually enjoying myself as I stood in front of the mirror, thinking “Wow! your hair’s so soft!”. However, as soon as I stepped into the living room this feeling went out of the window when I was faced with my cousin – whose hair was longer than mine! I immediately went into comparison. With this fixed view that my hair ‘wasn’t good’, I felt rejection. And I equated my ‘not good hair’ with my actual self as being ‘not good’ enough.

I realise now, after my healing sessions, that there was never anything wrong with my hair or with me – only the lack of acceptance of its natural beauty, and also my own natural beauty…

As I sit here feeling its softness and strength, I thank myself for making the changes of taking the time to embrace, love and enjoy being with my hair, listening to myself, and starting to comb my hair in a gentle way. And as a result, I CAN appreciate it just as it is. Recently I have become more and more aware of how I stand in front of the mirror when combing my hair, as I have experienced how this affects not only how I feel and the thoughts I have about myself, but also thoughts about others too…

My hair has begun to flourish without any lotions and potions claiming to grow it! The major shift came when I stopped trying to make my hair different, even just fantasising about the very prospect, but instead deciding to take care of my hair whatever state it was in, and without having to ‘make it better’. Today I receive all sorts of comments from ‘your hair is so thick’, to ‘it looks so healthy’ and ‘it’s growing!’ I don’t seem to mind such comments, and I just smile and nod with a twinkle in my eye knowing that it’s all the care, love and attention I have taken that is shining through my now glorious hair.

This experience has left me feeling that whenever I think there is anything wrong with me and my life, I can use this as a blueprint to explore how I might not be accepting myself in other areas…

It’s funny, as I’ve always wanted people to accept me for just being me.

Perhaps to be full of self-acceptance for the beautiful woman I am beginning to feel myself to be today, was all that was ever needed. And with this there has been a lot of FUN along the way!

231 thoughts on “Me and My Hair

  1. The misleading belief that our hair is our ‘crowning glory’, when it is the light from our inner-heart that shines out to the world.

  2. How simple, and beautiful self acceptance is, and how much it frees us up to actually take care and love ourselves just as we are, and the more we care, the more we notice to appreciate.

  3. Often we have pictures of what we see as beautiful and often these pictures are nothing like ourselves and no amount of tweaking will have us look like that. Hair was one of those things I also chose to fight and make it into something it would never be. Now I have got to a place where I accept my hair and do not fight it – it’s not worth it as it only sends negative messages to the body for not being enough.

  4. This was beautiful to feel and read: your self acceptance and self caring ways being way more supportive than any hair product you can buy. There is nothing that we can buy that truly makes a difference if we don’t already have a foundation of self love and connection to ourselves.

  5. A great point to highlight Shevon that when we have a strong desire for something about ourselves to be different we build a lack of acceptance and start to disregard and then abuse our body.

  6. I think a lot of us have wanted, or still want this, ‘t’s funny, as I’ve always wanted people to accept me for just being me.’

  7. “It’s funny, as I’ve always wanted people to accept me for just being me.” This is the key you are offering here. For others to accept us for being ourselves we first need to accept ourselves for being ourselves! It is total magic that takes away any anxiety about what other people think, and paradoxically it draws people to us in a different way.

  8. By wanting to be like everyone else we are denying the richness of who we are.These days many young girls and women are struggling in accepting their body and the problems that comes with that like eating disorders, anxiousness, giving up, lack of self-worth…so support them to embrace their own inner beauty is really needed. Outside, magazines, tv, films…shows models about what a ‘beautiful’ woman should look like. They are leaving messages like ‘look at me how beautiful I am and you don’t’. As a teenager I remember being so influenced by it and always left me an insatisfaction with myself that never could be filled. I find very life-changing having role models like Natalie Benhayon today who is sending to the world a different message. ‘I am beauty-full. Yes, like you. It’s the beauty of who we are’. Receiving her reflection is an inspiration to me as I feel included, really beautiful as I naturally am and deeply held.

  9. Shevon I loved what you experienced by accepting yourself for the beautiful woman you are. Every step that you made inspires me to be more loving with myself everyday. I could feel me by reading you, thank you

  10. I feel this is something we all want, ‘I’ve always wanted people to accept me for just being me.’ The question is how much do we accept ourselves for who we truly are?

  11. My hair has been growing very slowly and this has been pointed out to me by friends and in this process I started to accept my long growing process even more. I became more patient with myself. I would care for my hair even more but without an investment how it would look like. And then it starts to grow really quickly.

    1. How gorgeous Adele. It’s amazing that once we let go all the expectations and investments everything return to its natural flow.

  12. It’s funny how we want others to accept us as we are but so often struggle with this ourselves. For me it has been a very gradual, almost imperceptible, process of letting go of the many pictures I had of how I should look etc and embracing my womanliness and having fun with exploring it.

  13. Yes, it starts with us accepting ourselves first, ‘Perhaps to be full of self-acceptance for the beautiful woman I am beginning to feel myself to be today, was all that was ever needed.’

  14. ” Perhaps to be full of self-acceptance for the beautiful woman I am beginning to feel myself to be today, was all that was ever needed.”
    Honouring one self is the doorway to been all that one is.

  15. When we take loving care of our body and wellbeing and choose to heal our hurts, our body reflects this through our skin, eyes hair, nails and even our very movements.

    1. True Elizabeth. By receiveing Esoteric Healing sessions and lovingly caring myself is a choice that my body have deeply appreciated along these years.

  16. I love the positive way you began this beautiful blog. I instantly wanted to know more, and I got it. It is sad that we, particularly as women, always seem to find at least one part of our body that we are not happy with and try to make it change in some way. And all the women’s magazines usually confirm that we do have something to worry about. But how awesome that you turned this all around. Now it sounds like you have finally fallen in love with your hair, and yourself; very beautiful indeed.

  17. “…. I immediately went into comparison.” Comparison is deadly yet so many of us do it all the time – and its often very subtle. How beautiful that you realised “after my healing sessions, that there was never anything wrong with my hair or with me – only the lack of acceptance of its natural beauty, and also my own natural beauty…”

  18. Comparison directly takes us out from our beauty, when in fact there is nothing to compare to, but loving ourselves as we are. This is the most successful beauty tip.

  19. I know for myself that I can really go to town on beating myself up for being wrong. But my pictures, thoughts and assumptions of what is right are often so far away from the truth that I experience when I honour what I feel about life and myself.

  20. Beautiful sharing Shevon, self-acceptance is a huge mountain to climb when we are in our heads listening to the thoughts we are being fed but when we go to the innermost of our heart and connect to this ever-deepening part of our self we know that there is so much more of our self than we ever imagined and the ill thoughts are not our own

  21. The evils of comparison instantly sever our embrace, celebration and expression of all that we are, are here to live and reflect to this world through our uniquely yet divinely designed bodies.

  22. Self Acceptance of where we are at in this exact moment and appreciating all that we are and being honest all that we can learn is something that I continue learn to assess and surrender to, as women we often grow up thinking we need to do or be something that we are not, to fit in, or be “good” enough. Refreshing to read of a woman who is choosing for herself and enjoying being her, self acceptance. Lovely.

  23. What you so beautifully highlight here Shevon is that in the acceptance of who we are, we begin to shed the layers of old hurts, images and or beliefs we hold around how we look and begin to feel how absolutely gorgeous we are from the get go and everything else then mirrors this feeling. It is in our acceptance of self that we then move in a way that confirms our loveliness.

  24. Comparison is the death to evolution in the sense that it eats us up so we cannot live true to who we are because we are constantly measuring ourselves against others. It is this measure that prevents us from living the real us and instead live a version of ourselves that is so riddled with self loathing and low self worth, we cannot see the beauty that burns within us and know this to be the truth of who we are.

  25. I can relate to what you have shared, when I was young I had long thick hair but as a teenager I cut it all off and since then have not liked my hair, thinking it was too thin. I went to the hairdressers recently and she commented on how healthy my hair was- this is because I stopped focusing on the issues and started to look after me more and this is reflected in the quality of my hair.

  26. I have found this a lot that life becomes much simpler and we have more energy when we are more comfortable with ourselves and have dealt with the reasons why we were less comfortable with ourselves in the past.

      1. Yes Liane, well said. I love this comment! It is one that undoes something inside of me when read.

  27. I love this Shevon, you have come to a lot within yourself around this experience, which highlights, that everything to do with our bodies matters, and that if we aren’t holding ourselves in the love we feel within, our eyes can reflect a totally untrue picture of us.

  28. When I decided I was done with dying my hair and let go of any pre-conceived ideas around how my hair should look for my age and what style I should be wearing, I really started to enjoy my hair and its natural greyness, with the white sections that frame my face. This was actually a very easy choice to make at the time, and I absolutely love how my hair feels and looks now, and feel that it is my best look yet.

  29. There are so many areas of our body that we attach value to, in preference to the value of the inner quality we hold and the unconditional love that we can live. Hair is certainly one of those big areas – it’s even called our “crowning glory”! My own hair has thinned considerably and it’s brought up a huge amount for me as its been something I’ve really enjoyed as a physical characteristic. Every time I see luscious thick and beautiful hair and feel that tug of wishing it was mine it’s been a reminder to turn within and appreciate my inner qualities and value me the person.

  30. I have had comments recently on my hair that it is growing soooooo slowly. But I accept its rate of growth and it is for me a learning on patience. I am loving the process and every step of its growth and there is no need for it to be any different.

  31. It’s funny that we can want people to accept us as we are and yet aren’t prepared to accept ourselves in this way first. Your hair taught you a profound lesson in the importance of self care and self acceptance and also the power of doing so that was reflected back to you in the gorgeousness of the hair you now love…. it was like it was just waiting all along for you to learn what you have. Very cool.

  32. It is interesting how our hair can have such a strong impact on how we feel about ourselves. When we choose to appreciate our natural innate inner beauty then our hair, be it long, short, curly, straight, thick or thin, is simply part of who we are in our physical body.

  33. I don’t think I’ve ever fully appreciated and understood the lengths women go to with their hair and then how many are actually still unhappy after all that effort. I guess it’s simpler for men as we don’t have as many choices or pressures in that way on us. It comes differently to men but at the same time the extremes women are going to chasing ‘better’ hair it looks like it’s a multi million dollar business just in this. This article brings with it a huge awareness around what we can go into and then leads us back to the same point if we are looking to change something outside without an awareness to what we are truly feeling on the inside. This has been and could be life changing for many of us.

  34. It’s amazing how much effort we put into changing and tweaking and perfecting what was perfect all along. Next time I have the desire to change a part of myself I will definitely be asking where that desire is coming from, and if a true change is needed or if it’s simply a matter of deepening my relationship with myself.

    1. Very true Meg, we can go to huge lengths and spend inordinate amounts of time tweaking physical attributes like hair, skin, eyelashes, etc but we don’t necessarily give any attention to the wonderful being we are, and investing time in caring for ourselves that way so that who we are shines each day.

      1. Yeh I absolutely love what you’ve said here, when you put it like that it’s nothing short of crazy that we are prepared to go to any lengths to change our physical looks but don’t take the time to invest and nurture the amazing person we are.

  35. It’s true – “Perhaps to be full of self-acceptance for the beautiful woman I am beginning to feel myself to be today, was all that was ever needed.” I style my hair from the way I feel letting the style to reveal itself. Sometimes I close my eyes and feel how on my head my hair supports me in accepting my beauty. This is so much more than styling out of getting attention and recognition..

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