Healing Anxiety with My Own Loveliness

by Robyn Jones – B.Sc. (Psyc), 37, Sydney, Australia

I look back over my life today and most of it doesn’t seem real to me anymore, as it is not part of my life now. I have come a long way and changed so much.

I have come from a life of severe anxiety and intense panic attacks with periods of agoraphobia (not being able to leave the house), and feeling like I had to grit my teeth and push myself to get through every day… to now, feeling like a calm and steady woman who is mostly guided through the day by a deep loveliness that comes from within.

To describe this loveliness is to describe ME. It feels like a deep tenderness, an allowing myself to just BE, a stillness within – even when everything around me is busy – a beauty that is not about how I look but how I feel, a delicateness that encompasses both fragility and strength in one, and so much more.

What is super-lovely about Loveliness is we all have it equally within us, every single one of us!

I have come to realise that this loveliness is who I really am and the anxiety is not who I am – although for so long I really thought it was. I have learnt that the more I respect and honour this loveliness and allow it to guide me through the day, the less anxiety I experience. Having reacquainted myself with that inner quality, it is a good gauge for me to realise when I am not connected to it, especially when I have times of anxiety. The beauty of this is that I know the loveliness never leaves me – I have merely disconnected from it and that disconnection causes the anxiety. I then have a simple choice; to allow the anxiety to continue, or to take a moment to re-connect to myself and therefore the loveliness (remember, the Loveliness is ME).

However, in order to find this loveliness within I have had to change the way I am with myself. There have been too many changes to write them all, but here are two very everyday examples;

  1. I have introduced gentleness into my everyday tasks, one such is how I wash myself in the shower. Do I quickly and roughly rub soap all over me just to be clean? Or do I gently caress my skin with the soap, actually feeling my body underneath my soapy hand? The beauty of it is that either way I end up clean, but doing it gently feels so much more respectful and loving towards myself.
  2. I have introduced a deeper level of caring for myself, e.g; in the morning I am getting up earlier to allow myself the time I feel I need to get ready for the day, whilst doing it all with a level of care rather than an air of rushing. This way I go at a pace that ensures I stay connected and focused on the job at hand and don’t go at a speed that is not natural for me. I’m not talking about going at a snail’s pace, I mean simply listening for the rhythm my body naturally has within (it can be different for every person), and it can be very clear on what pace feels right or not. I also find some days I need to go slower than other days because my body’s rhythm is slower – especially if I have overdone it, or if my period is due.

Making these changes to be this way with myself and taking the time to honour how I feel within, confirms my loveliness to me. I am bringing what I naturally am to everything that I do and say, rather than looking outside of me – to everyone else, to tell me how to be. This was challenging in the beginning because I had to become aware of how much I was dependent on what others wanted me to be – and how much this dominated everything I said and did. I have found great freedom in speaking and acting from the feelings within me, rather than trying to please and not upset others by being what they expect or want me to be. It feels so much more respectful to myself, and in turn others, to be this way, as giving myself permission to just be ME allows others the opportunity to be themselves also. How cool is that! Far less pressure for all concerned!

These days my focus is to take that inner connection with me everywhere I go… and my life feels so different. I am now working in a job that allows me to be ME, while contributing to the health and wellbeing of others. In addition, within my relationships with my husband and daughter there is more connection; and I have quality friendships and a truly supportive extended family that I only ever dreamt about as a child.

I have realised that the more connected I am with myself the more I can connect with others. The same applies in that the degree to which I care for myself is equivalent to how much I can truly care for others.

Knowing this, I have started a self-care group for staff at my workplace. There is a great need for it due to the high rate of ‘burn-out’ in the community services industry, which stems from workers not taking the necessary care with their own selves, and from caring for others over and above themselves. This approach to care has been shown to not work long-term, and to detrimentally affect a worker’s health and wellbeing. I have noticed this applies to all who are in a caring role and who care for others before caring for themselves, such as mothers, doctors, teachers and nurses etc.

Our group meets once a month and we discuss ways of caring for ourselves in our personal lives, which in turn improves the level of care we have for those we work with. In the group we have begun to discuss: how to connect to how we feel, making more loving choices for ourselves, introducing gentleness into our day, taking care around our sleep patterns, how we treat ourselves… and much more. Many changes have already been made within the participants’ lives, and the feedback coming from the group is inspiring. Even people not attending the group are benefitting and learning from what we are speaking about by simply talking to those who do come! The beauty for me is that they are being inspired by the level of self-care they see in me and in the others in the group, so when we talk about what they can do to change the way they care for themselves they feel it’s a very real possibility because a living example of it is already there… so simple and so very lovely.

I never would have been able to facilitate a group like this when I was affected so much by anxiety. Quite literally, I would have been close to collapse at even the thought of it. How life has changed!

The irony here is that I am a qualified counsellor with a degree in psychology, and with training in transpersonal psychology. But how effective was I as a counsellor when I was riddled with anxiety? Being well aware of my anxiety issues, why didn’t anyone at University take me aside and say, “Hey, first you need to sort yourself out before you can help others”? Does this not expose the lack of integrity in the ‘helping professions’ such as psychology, medicine, nursing and the like? Should we not be looking at how its practitioners live their own lives, how their diets are, how their health truly is, before we go to them for advice on health and wellbeing in our own lives?

I can now be more effective as a practitioner because I am living what I talk about with clients and others – it is not now just knowledge but a livingness within my daily life, and this feels so much more real than any knowledge I was taught at University.

Through this esoteric approach to women’s health I have found true support from practitioners whose lives are filled with tenderness, lived loveliness, gentleness and true self-care. It is a support that is offered in many ways, such as Esoteric Breast Massage, Esoteric Uterus Massage, and the Esoteric Women’s Presentations. This support has helped me to heal the anxiety by re-connecting to the tender, loving, caring woman that I naturally am.

I look forward to many more years of unfoldment with the assistance of this amazing level of care and support, and of course with my own willingness to both change what is not true and choose to live what I now know to be true – loveliness, tenderness, gentleness, stillness, steadiness… and much more.

252 thoughts on “Healing Anxiety with My Own Loveliness

  1. I have been anxious all my life, it was there 24/7, and was so normal that I didn’t realise that I wasn’t breathing – I actually hold in my breath – well of course I am going to be tense and anxious with very little oxygen!

  2. Anxiety can rule our lives and have us acting like a totally different person than who we were born to be. How many of us shy away from public speaking due to anxiety but would be amazing presenters if anxiety wasn’t running the show?

  3. The greatest support we can receive from others is what they have experienced by themselves. If this is not the case, we receive void words that can’t ignite a true change in our life.
    Thanks Robyn for a very complete sharing which I completely subscribe to.

  4. Introducing a gentleness and deeper level of caring with ourselves opens the door to reconnecting to the true wisdom and beauty within our body and letting go of the anxiousness that always builds when we disconnect from ourselves.

  5. To build a relationship with and trust our own counsel … this is something that is so supportive for all of us and something which many of us have not always done as we’ve allowed ourselves to be defined by outside goals, outside norms or even pictures we have of how it should be. When we take the time to develop a relationship with us and see what is there we have the space to respond to life rather than just react and we become more true to who we are and we live that truth.

  6. How our life is able to truly transform when we give ourselves the space to be fully present with ourselves in a loving and nurturing way and to appreciate that with this depth of connection we are able to express from our true quality of being.

  7. Having a degree means nothing to me unless what is learnt is lived. There is so much emphasis on qualifications. We champion qualifications and for some look up to and place value towards another above all else yet what about our livingness? There is no point having a degree in this and another in that if for example we become riddled with anxiety and overwhelm with what is placed in front of us in life.

  8. It essential, in my experience as a patient and a practitioner, to live what we talk, to be in the livingness as this directly affects the quality of what we bring and receive, ‘I can now be more effective as a practitioner because I am living what I talk about with clients and others – it is not now just knowledge but a livingness within my daily life’.

  9. This is so apt for me to be reminded of this in relation to someone else and their situation, it always starts with self, ‘the more connected I am with myself the more I can connect with others. The same applies in that the degree to which I care for myself is equivalent to how much I can truly care for others.’

  10. Robyn, I love how you present the true meaning of loveliness – It feels like a deep tenderness, an allowing myself to just BE, a stillness within – even when everything around me is busy – a beauty that is not about how I look but how I feel, a delicateness that encompasses both fragility and strength in one, and so much more – this is so, so beautiful and describes who we all are when we connect with our divinity.

  11. This is amazing Robyn, to have come from extreme anxiety to this, ‘It feels like a deep tenderness, an allowing myself to just BE, a stillness within – even when everything around me is busy – a beauty that is not about how I look but how I feel, a delicateness that encompasses both fragility and strength in one, and so much more.’

  12. Feeling inspired by your self-care group at work and how you are all reflecting this to everyone else and so the ripples widen and introduce the possibility of truly caring for ourselves before others to a wider audience.

  13. I feel very blessed to be able to make more caring and loving choices in my life too and while in this appreciation I know many people will feel they don’t have the choice to change their lives, or they can’t afford to. We may not be able or need to change everything all at once and we can’t but every little step matters.

  14. When there is no anxiety running through my body I am focussed and less likely to make mistakes. There is a beautiful flow and order that comes from none other than the divine connection to myself.

  15. These are very real and inspiring changes you have made in your life. I have find that when my life changes for the better that is more supportive overall, I get excited and think I am there totally when it is just the beginning. This is a deeply ingrained wish to want to be where I know is possible but the excitement clouds the actual steps that need to be consistently taken. So I am finding huge inspiration in being real.

  16. Just by beginning the conversation around self care, whether that be with work mates, family or a complete stranger offers again the choice of how we can choose to be with our own bodies. A choice that was not available before.

  17. It has been so timely to come back to your beautiful blog today Robyn and the reminder to always “remember, the Loveliness is ME”. The anxiety isn’t me, the depression isn’t me, but what is me is this glorious being who simply has to BE.

  18. Robyn, this is so simple, but I have experienced what a huge affect this has on my day; ‘This way I go at a pace that ensures I stay connected and focused on the job at hand and don’t go at a speed that is not natural for me.’ I notice that if I go at a speed that is not natural for me – trying to keep up with others and go at their speed then I get exhausted and can feel dizzy, get clumsy and do not enjoy my day.

  19. I know that when I start my day rushed, the whole day feels stressful and I feel anxious. Taking the time to get ready in the morning, and to complete everything that I need to sort out before going to work, helps me stay focused, committed and I actually enjoy my days far more this way with a lot more energy – always more than I expect to.

  20. The moment I let go of my connection with the love, loveliness inside me, there is an opening to let in thoughts that does not support me at all and bingo anxiety can take over and seems to be so real that I have the idea it is me. Since I know and experienced it is only a choice and that I am capable to return to me and breath in the gentleness I feel in my body the anxiety starts to disappear. The other thing is when this does not help me, I accept the way I feel and I try not to defeat the anxiety but allow myself to observe the effect it has on my body without beating myself up but with the love i know is me.

  21. I love what you’ve shared here Robyn about how, in order to no longer rely on others to tell you how to be, you first had to become aware of the extent to which you were allowing that pattern. I have found that I can’t heal something unless I’m prepared to feel it in full, first, to fully let it go.

  22. How can we support and help others when we’re not supporting and helping ourselves? Why is it that we need to have a goal and that goal is about teaching/giving to others? Unless we are willing to see that it begins with the relationship we have with ourselves we are never truly going to support another. When I was recovering from an illness I remember feeling a need to help others as if to say ‘ye I’ll do that eg.learn reiki and practice without any consideration to looking at myself and how I was living.’ I was yearning the attention and recognition from others not wanting to see that it was this yearning for something that was outside of me that was contributing to the illness I was experiencing in the first place.

  23. To learn to let go our anxiety and allow ourselves to feel who we are is a huge thing, and it starts with some of the simple things allowing ourselves more time and space to support ourselves in our daily lives, and understanding that our bodies forever speak to and show us who we are and what is going on and needed for us in each given moment. And it’s that dedication and focus to each moment which allows us to let go our anxiousness and just be there, willing to listen and act on the impulses of our bodies. It takes time to re-train ourselves to operate in this way but it’s a huge gift to us and those around us to live in a way which is in line with our bodies rather than 2 – 3 steps away or more from ourselves and the anxiousness that comes with that. We can live without being consistently anxious.

  24. Anxiety sets in when we are disconnected from ourselves, from our loveliness; we end up missing ourselves while not realising that we do and seeking for answers and the pot of gold outside of us.

  25. Our current approaches to many caring, health and well being professions are seriously awry; we do not consider the whole but stick to parts and those involved in those professions, the majority of whom joined them in full intent to care for and support others are not asked to consider how they care for themselves and are not supported with ways (such as the group on self care mentioned here) to look at care and ways to care. So while it’s easy to say that there is a lack of integrity in these professions, that is harsh and dismissive and does not consider what all of us (the world) have supported and allowed in our systems, and that we in fact need to call out and change those and bring our experiences of true care back to them – we all have a part to play in bringing true care to our world and all in it.

  26. Covered off a lot there Robyn – we could expand on much here – the bottom line is self-love. This is so easily skipped over when you don’t want to feel and be responsible. To know the greater effect this responsibility is for all around us, as Robyn is experiencing the ripple effect of true change, supports me to act in this love with myself. Yes, there can be anything that will stop this, but it is the most glorious of feelings to be and feel that amazing innate love continue to expand inside me.

  27. To be calm and steady guided through a deep loveliness that comes from within is just an exquisitely divine and deeply inspirational way to move through life… and an extraordinary transformation. The power of love and self care is undeniable.

  28. “a beauty that is not about how I look but how I feel” The loveliness of this beauty is that is there within every single one of us just waiting for us to know who we truly are.

  29. I could relate to what you’ve shared here Robyn in that my life doesn’t resemble what it used to, my relationship with myself has changed so much and yet as I type now my anxiety levels have been pretty high, like they used to be but it feels more intense now against the greater amount of awareness that I have of love in my life. It was beautiful to read the two steps you took to bring more gentleness, those two points I feel can always be refined and shows me that the acts of caring for myself and listening to my body can never be exhausted. It’s a constant key that opens up each new door.

  30. This is a great blog Robyn that many could relate to and benefit from reading. Particularly this line . . . . “I have found great freedom in speaking and acting from the feelings within me, rather than trying to please and not upset others by being what they expect or want me to be.” . . . how many of us can relate to this? I know I certainly can and not only is this liberating it also makes you realise how much energy ‘people pleasing’ takes. From first hand experience I can say this is exhausting.

  31. To feel our loveliness we have to give ourselves Space to do so. When I am busy and sort of run by the life outside of me I do not feel myself or loveliness. I find it very inspiring to read how you gave yourself this space to feel yourself and what you would like to do and how and how beautiful all the ripple effects were. I am going to focus on this myself, thank you.

  32. Thank you Robyn I love the practicality of this blog and how you share simple steps to heal anxiety through re-connecting with our innate loveliness. Having only recently acknowledged just how much of my life has been blighted by anxiety it feels so true that it has been my disconnection from my loveliness that has fuelled this anxiety and the more that I commit to reconnecting to this the less I go into anxiety.

  33. Reading your blog today Robyn was great because I could feel anxiousness in my body in the form of a vibration and as I felt into it I could feel how I distract myself from feeling my loveliness by getting involved with other peoples issues and making them my own. Doing a yoga session today the anxiety just about disappeared, but I could feel how my thoughts were trying to take me back into the issues, rather staying with the loveliness that I had re-connected to in the yoga.The gentleness and tenderness is always there and feels so much more loving for everyone rather than choosing to stay caught up in the issues that in truth have nothing to do with me..

  34. Imagine if you went to the doctors and they prescribed you “your own loveliness” – a medicine that treats numerous problems, has no negative side affects, it doesn’t cost you anything and the results are astounding – now that would be cool.

  35. There are so many people who have anxiety out in society today, so how wonderful it is to read how you have healed your own anxiety. Through your loving and very practical daily choices that have made all the difference. Very amazing.

  36. I notice that the more care I put into the start of my day the more I am able to remain steady throughout the whole day and there is a flow to things. When I take on things from the day this can effect my rhythm and then I feel more tired. However, when I come back too and maintain my rhythm then I do take on less stuff and am able to observe it more.

  37. ‘Loveliness is ME’, what a great realisation you had that you then used to help beat your anxiety, ‘this loveliness is who I really am and the anxiety is not who I am – although for so long I really thought it was. I have learnt that the more I respect and honour this loveliness and allow it to guide me through the day, the less anxiety I experience.’

  38. Very true Robin, everyone in a caring role finds it hard to care for themselves first and I see this in nursing, the care given is empty of love as of not living the same care for themselves. Sympathy is playing a huge role in this, a very draining thing to do. Building a loving relationship with myself has made that I started to work as a nurse again after leaving the healthcare many years ago because I could not cope with the pressure in this work area and forgot about myself.

  39. I love the really simple and practical examples you call out Robyn as to how you really turned around your relationship with yourself, the level of quality and care when you shower yourself and how you take your time in the mornings, waking early, giving yourself time to get ready. Really easy things to do, yet profoundly nurturing.

  40. I am so delighted that I returned to your beautiful blog today Robyn. There was so much waiting for me but in particular the timely reminder that “the Loveliness is ME”. I re-read these words several times and they had me had me smiling at the feeling that was engendered; it felt like each time I read them I could feel a warmth growing inside me along with a growing connection to myself. So often we come to believe that health issues, like anxiety, are actually who we are, but I like you have come to know that the anxiety is not me, but the loveliness definitely is.

  41. Such a valuable blog Robyn, I’ve really enjoyed reading it again today. This quote stood out for me “I have found great freedom in speaking and acting from the feelings within me, rather than trying to please and not upset others by being what they expect or want me to be.” This line is a beautiful way to share the difference between just being and expressing ourselves, or taking on roles or behaviours, and moulding ourselves into something else to fit in. It’s a really good reminder for me to simplify my own expression by just coming back to myself.

  42. I used to put everyone else’s needs before my own (especially as a mother, but also in business) and as a result was often stressed, grumpy and resentful. One of the most supportive things I’ve learnt through Esoteric Women’s Health is the importance of caring for myself before I can truly care for another. I still find myself at times falling into the old pattern of going into drive at the expense of looking after myself, but now find I have a much clearer marker to come back to as it’s now much more obvious in my body when I neglect my own self-care.

    1. Thanks Angela, your comment has helped me understand more about resentment – that it creeps in, through the back door, when we don’t make ourselves and our own health and wellbeing the priority, and put ourselves at the bottom of our to-do list. Self-care is the antidote to this and many other conditions and patterns we can create for ourselves – and choose to end.

  43. This was very inspiring to read Robyn, and it’s helped me to become aware of how I still prioritise work or others over my own connection, lose me in the process, and feel miserable as a result. It’s time to truly nurture my own connection to me and the loveliness within and prioritise that.

  44. The importance of self care in regards to our physical and mental health cannot be under-estimated and yet does not seem to be the integral part of education that it should be, most notable in caring and health professions. In many ways we’ve gone a long way from self-care but at the same time it’s a simple and steady foundation that we can come back to.

  45. It is very supportive to have felt what it is to be without anxiety and therefore to recognise when we have left the natural stillness within is to enable us to make the choice to return and look at what we chose to take us out in the first place and why.

  46. What you share about health professional training and practice is very true. How can you tell a patient to lose weight if your over weight yourself?

    Even though the words are spoken and the information may be good or very good. Will the information be taken on board or more importantly embodied?

    The fact is we have the information available today to make this world a utopia (or near enough). i.e. clean energy, peace treaties, live saving medicine, health advice, health professionals, moderators, community services and the list is almost endless.

    BUT WE DON’T have utopia… Why then?

    Because information is useless until it is communicated with energetic integrity. If we are telling someone to do something to change their life for the better the person delivering that information needs to be a living example. Otherwise the information is as flat as the paper it is written on.

    If we want to really help people work on yourself to a point where you are really able to service, until then we may be doing the opposite.

    1. I agree Robyn and Luke. The point that clients will be reading the quality of life lived by the professionals they are seeking help from seems to have escaped from the mainstream training manuals. It is ridiculous that people can go to University or a college for years to gain their qualifications and yet this side of things isn’t usually addressed. Yet how can it be ignored because what good is all the training in the world if the practitioner doesn’t know how to live a life that reflects outwardly that they are living the changes that they seek to support others to bring to their lives? Well done Robyn for being this point of reflection in your own professional and personal life as the two areas can’t truly be separated.

Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.