by Dragana Brown, London, UK
How to describe Esoteric Women’s Health, what it means and what it has done for me? Where do I even begin? From the beginning would be the obvious answer.
It began with esoteric healing, followed by Esoteric Breast Massage (EBM), followed by monthly meetings and presentations by a graceful woman, Sara Williams, and four times a year by another tender-hearted lady, Natalie Benhayon. Esoteric breast massage was an equivalent of a bombshell when I first heard of the modality: “What? Another woman massaging my breasts, surely not?!”. Ah, the importance of a truly open mind! To dismiss it without experiencing and feeling the enormousness of this profound healing modality would have been an irretrievable loss.
If I am painting a very ‘rosy picture’ about Esoteric Breast Massage, let me break the illusion here and add some more colour to the palette. It was, especially in the beginning, hugely exposing, confronting and uneasy, to put it mildly. But I will never forget my first session and the impression it made on me. I was lying on the couch, eyes shut real tight, like a child who is about to be inoculated, squinting firmly in anticipation. The massage started in very slow, wide and extremely gentle, anticlockwise movements around the breasts first. I have always had an issue with breasts and the way they are treated as objects of most men’s desires – I disliked that intensely (still do), and guess what?… almost without exception I attracted men who had an obsession with breasts! As a result, I was dreading the moment when my female practitioner’s hands would eventually move onto the actual breasts. Although her touch was super, mega-gentle and non-imposing (what was all that squinting about I wondered!), I still switched off. In my head I went all over the place – from planning the next meal, to paying bills, to listing phone calls I needed to make… and what not. Moments later she paused and gently reminded me to get back to me, and to feel what was happening in my body there and then. Spooky – I exclaimed – how on earth could she possibly know that although my body was there, I was not with it? And if she could read me so accurately, (like a closed book – it’s easy to read the one that is opened!) through the simple touch, how and why is it that I could not (or would not) feel all that was going on in my own body? The answer to this and many consequent questions would start tapping on my door slowly, yet steadily…
The Esoteric Breast Massages turned into regular weekly / fortnightly or monthly sessions. The changes in my body and myself that I began to experience were both visible and palpable.
I was raised amongst a generation of women born before the second world war, who thought and openly expressed that sleeping with a man (husband / partner), even when that was the last thing a woman would want, was perfectly ‘normal’ and ok! If she kept the man ‘satisfied’ the family unit was held together and that was all that mattered. As the saying goes: “An apple does not fall too far from its tree”, so I involuntarily adopted this adverse advice at a huge expense to my body, which would start to unravel in my EBM and Esoteric Uterus Massage sessions. By becoming increasingly more aware of my body I was able to feel the harm I had been inflicting upon myself through my own choices, and then, in my own time and at my own pace, I arrived at a position where I chose to exercise my basic human right: to not submit myself to any abuse. I chose to make love, instead of having sex. I chose to begin to cherish my own tenderness and preciousness and asked the same of those I was intimate with – to honour that equally.
I began to pay more attention to what my body was signalling to me. After each Esoteric Breast Massage session I became more aware of my body, and of the fact how so very hard I have made it to be through aeons of unloving choices.
However, most of the time an hour did not feel long enough, for I had so many questions, thoughts, ponderings that would emerge during the session and afterwards.
And then my silent ‘prayers’ got answered – I was overjoyed when in January 2011, the very first Esoteric Developer Women’s Group (EDWG) took place. I did not know what those meetings would entail, but I did have my own expectations: firstly, that it might deliver clues to my woes. Did it? No. What it did do though, was provide a beautiful, nurturing and loving space in which women could stop, ponder and share what it is to be a true woman in the world today – and by doing so that we might, if we chose to, at our own speed attain some, if not all the answers that we had been looking for. The whole tenet of Esoteric Healing is that each person is empowered to make her (and his) own decision; not what somebody else tells you to. So the meetings were more configured as a space for exploring, rather than arriving. And explore we did; from painful periods, to our attitude to periods, to stillness and motion, ability to feel (or not) our own preciousness, to all those ideals and beliefs that we might have adopted and clutched onto with both hands. To opting for all the role models that society has imposed upon women; being a mum, sister, daughter, wife… and in all that, ignoring the immutable fact that we were / are, first and foremost, women. Oh, and we do throw a joke or two in there too, and we have a great laugh.
What it is to BE a women without any DOINGS, seemed like an impossible notion in the beginning and it raised a possibility, or in my case perhaps even certainty, that when I hear to ‘BE’, I think and relate to, ‘DO’. At one of the presentations we were reminded to feel what it is to wake up in the morning and spend a few quiet moments with ourselves feeling the woman within, before we get up and into the doings of the day. Another possibility was offered; what if it is feasible to go throughout a day doing all that needs doing – work, cook, shop, children etc. but remaining a woman and not losing ourselves to the chores that we carry out? Both Sara Williams and Natalie Benhayon are two great examples that this is not just a possibility, but that it can be and is actually lived by them, which I have found immensely inspiring.
I have come a long, long way from a tomboy I once was back towards a true woman that I know I am. All that thanks to Esoteric healing modalities presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, and the support of the Esoteric Developer’s Women’s Groups, as well as Natalie Benhayon’s Esoteric Women’s Presentations. It is a journey that I continue to make, and I could never walk away from it again – for it would be like walking away from my own arms, my own eyes and my own heart – read: impossible!