by Anne Malatt, Australia
It took me years to come back for my second Esoteric Breast Massage.
I had my first one in the early days of the modality, after overcoming my initial misgivings – “that is weird”, “why do we need that?”, “ooh, that is going to cause waves”.
My first session was lovely in the sense of the setting and the practitioner, but there was nothing sexy about it. I did not like the feeling of having my breasts touched, so much so that I checked out – I left my body – and I came to realise that this is what I did every time someone touched my breasts. Which meant that I had not been truly present for any of the sex I had ever had (that was a lot of not being present!). This was very painful for me to feel.
There is a scene in the movie “Annie Hall” (Woody Allen), for those of us old enough to remember, where Woody asks Annie to have sex with him without getting stoned first. He likens having sex with someone who is stoned to getting laughs in a comedy club when people have been drinking – it doesn’t count. She agrees, reluctantly, and then leaves her body and sits on a chair by the bed and chats about something else. I had always identified with that scene, and it was very exposing to feel as a truth in my body that this was how I had been. It was also exposing to feel that if I had been love-less with myself, I could never have truly loved anyone else.
I spent the next several years working on self-love, making loving choices to develop more love in my body, and slowly learning to care for and nurture myself.
I did this with the help of practitioners of Esoteric Healing at Universal Medicine who helped me to feel the love I truly am, and to build that love in my body.
When I finally came back for another Esoteric Breast Massage it took a few sessions to actually get to my breasts: there was still so much guarding, so much hardness protecting so much sadness and lack of self-love.
We worked on my arms, on my lymphatics and slowly worked our way towards the breasts themselves, only doing what I was able to feel and still stay in my body. It was painful to feel how much sadness I held in my breasts, but I was lovingly helped to feel that this had been there all along, and I was being given an opportunity to let it go.
It took a while for me to surrender to the gentleness and beauty of the Esoteric Breast Massage, but when we finally went there, and I allowed myself to feel my breasts being massaged, I experienced a profound level of connection with myself, of stillness – the living stillness of love. That was well worth the wait.
There is nothing sexy about an Esoteric Breast Massage. But it can take you to a place where you feel who you truly are, know what being a true woman means, and you can feel truly lovely, perhaps for the first time ever.