I am a Regular Woman

by Janine Whitling, Dip App Sci – Naturopathy, Masters in Contemporary Art, Brisbane Australia

I am a regular woman, and person really, not much different to you. I grew up in a household which had difficulty expressing love: dad hid behind his work and was often sullen and quiet, mum tried like crazy to stay the dutiful wife, working and caring for the home. Both were so wrapped up in their own stuff that they often forgot about us, forgot how to spend time with us. Nothing new here – I know dozens of people who grew up like this.

At school I was teased… lots of kids were. I hated my looks (so did lots of other kids too) and I struggled to find a place in the world, trying so hard to fit in. I moulded myself to be whatever I needed to be so I wouldn’t be different, so that people would like me; anything to get an okay. Then, in my teens I started drinking, because that’s what ‘cool’ kids did. And in my twenties I started doing drugs, because that’s what ‘cool’ people did. And all at the same time I slept with whoever I could, just for some kind of attention and to feel popular.

This went on in various shades for over a decade; sex, drugs and rock’n’roll. It felt glamorous at the time – I thought I was ‘cool’. However, at rock bottom I was a drug addicted, alcoholic, bulimic, anorexic stripper. And I used to tell myself that I ‘rocked’ because I was popular and skinny and hung out at the cool clubs. There was a price to pay though – I was never as depressed, paranoid, insecure and suicidal as I was then. The voices in my head were relentless, the self-doubt was ongoing. I struggled through the days knowing that this was just all wrong but not knowing how to stop it.

In my thirties I met a man, a wonderful man who I married, who never judged me and who let me just be. In that seemingly small act I was able to feel safe enough to start to question things. That reflection of love started the wheels rolling on my path. I started to eat better, I started to go to clubs less, my drinking reduced dramatically and so did the drugs. I found myself pulling away from unhealthy relationships and treating myself with more regard. However, the self-doubt still plagued me and I was still over-concerned with what people thought of me, so instead I just started to hide away, becoming a recluse in my home, not knowing what I could trust, or who would be kind to me.

I started to see an esoteric healer called Belinda Hodgson, who was my point of light that I could always trust and count on. She was always there to show me the truth in things, to help me open my eyes and trust my heart. It was a slow process… a very, very slow process, but I was okay with that. I always understood that self-responsibility would require real work and that there were no shortcuts.

In time, I gave up alcohol and drugs completely – I just could not stomach them anymore and got sick of the depression that would always follow. One day, when I knew I needed to make some radical changes, I came across the work of Universal Medicine. I heard about a retreat they were running and decided to go and see if this might help me. Holy cow, what an introduction! Five days of absolute self-responsibility, truth and love. It was amazing and an absolute turning point for me: I knew at that time that there was no turning back. I was committed to staying on this path and continuing no matter how hard or challenging it might be.

And slowly I began to venture back into the world. The horrible self-doubt gremlins began to become quieter and quieter, and I made wonderful friends. As I started to understand who I really was, my relationship with my husband began to blossom. He also started going to the Universal Medicine workshops, and he too started to blossom – into the gorgeous, graceful man that I now know.

And here I am today, healthy, in my mid-forties, so full of wonder and blown away by the love that has been shown to me, both within myself and in others around me. I know it has been all due to my own work, but I would not be here had it not been for the tireless loving reflections of Belinda Hodgson, Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.

Yes, I am a regular person, just like you. And today, I choose Love.

232 thoughts on “I am a Regular Woman

  1. Janine I always completely melt when I read this because of how much healing a loving person can bring to another, and deep down, despite all the paths we take further away from ourselves, all we truly want and need is that love. And there is such a beauty to the way we can inspire and ignite love in another, which happened for you, and now I’m sure you’re inspiring many others to return to who they are, and to a loving way of living. Your story is one of work, taking steps continually to return to yourself, so often we see people where they are at and doing well and we may feel envious or jealous, but we don’t see or celebrate the steps the person has made to get there, and the work they have put into their own life.

  2. It is truly amazing what Serge Benhayon is able to offer to support people to return to the love they are. Your story Janine reminded me of how sensitive we all are, and we are searching for love but settle with being liked and accepted even if we have to compromise ourselves to fit in. Being able to reconnect to the love within changes everything.

  3. What happened to the fact that food is here simply to nourish the body. Our relationship with food has transformed beyond words can pain a picture. I remember when I was a child I didn’t even think about food, sometimes I could last a whole day on a slice of bread or some eggs in the morning. Today, our days are revolved around food – we’ve made food the entertainment, and the center of our days, we play travelling, meeting and everything around our meal times just to make sure we get enough in our system. Why is that? is it because it gives us something more than just the physical nutrients? Perhaps it’s more, perhaps our relationship with food has a relationship with our spirit?

  4. I too would not be where I am today, if it was not for Serge Benhayon. Deeply blessed are we to have him in our lives. this man speaks of truth like no other.

  5. When we are inspired by reflection to be honest with ourselves and change the way we are living, we start to make choices that are far more loving which in turn builds our self-worth and how we hold and regard our body.

  6. It’s amazing how we can convince ourselves that being cool is it and we are having a great time in life when every other sign, the anxiety, depression, paranoia, negative thoughts all tell us otherwise. I am finding that when I want something to be true it completely clouds what really is true and there right under my nose. Thankfully our body keeps trying to bring a bit of honesty and reality back to us.

  7. Self-responsibility and no shortcuts.. the total opposite to what most of us are looking for when we’re off into our spiritual pursuits. Relief and distraction yes, and something to make us into better people – but not something where we actually have to do the work ourselves. But this is true healing and ultimately super empowering: no one can heal us or make our choices for us.

  8. Real and touching blog to read. I loved it all and especially this line – “I always understood that self-responsibility would require real work and that there were no shortcuts.” Yep, there are none and I am lucky to know you in person and I am glad you did not take any shortcuts as they end up in dead ends, and you are on the right path and shining incredibly brightly for the world to see.

  9. It is so clear that when we let our mind with its ideals and pictures lead the way we end up with our body not being in a good state as you shared about the period where you thought you ‘rocked’ yet your body was totally anxious. Listening to our heart and body offers a totally different way instead.

  10. You are a regular person Janine and with your recent living choices you show that it is possible to live from love and make it your new normal, which is indeed our natural and inborn normal for everyone

  11. “Yes, I am a regular person, just like you. And today, I choose Love.” when you were presented with the truth your life changed, simply by the healing power of your love. A gorgeous sharing Janine, thank you.

  12. A gorgeous testimony of how the person you really are was always there to be lived, as is the case for us all. Who we are within, our Soulful light is ever-present always waiting to be lived. What you have shared is a testament to the fact that the work of Universal Medicine and its practitioners are all about confirming and inspiring us to live who we already are, through bringing awareness to and healing heal that which we are not.

  13. I love how you claim yourself as a ‘regular person’ for often when we begin to make changes in our lives those around us may consider us anything but regular. But how can we not be regular when we live a life with love as our foundation?

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