After a life of tennis training, drug taking and ‘Do-It-Yourself’ in overdrive, practitioner Mary-Louise Myers shares how she eventually came to find a truly tender way of being with herself.
by Mary-Louise Myers
I was a gorgeous little girl who started playing competitive tennis at seven to win my father’s attention: each time I won a match he would pat me on my head and say, “well done, little one!” (I don’t think he could remember my name!). That was my way of getting the attention I was craving for. I was Victorian junior champion at a young age and continued to spend all my younger years training or playing in tennis tournaments around Victoria. As I reached teenage years I realised that I did not even enjoy playing tennis. I now know that I only did it for recognition and acceptance.
I gave it all up and started down a path of anorexia and bulimia. My father was obsessed with his own weight and his family’s. My sister was given diet books at around the age of 13, mind you, looking back she was simply going through a chubby stage and I was championed for being skinny. From a young age there was a lot of emphasis on how you looked, not your being. (Please note I am not in any way, shape or form blaming my parents; they were good people who did the best they could.)
When I started to develop breasts I would wear two, sometimes three very tight singlets to cover the fact that I was developing into a young woman. Again, later in life I understood why I did this. I had been sexually abused at a young age and did not want sexual attention of any kind from the opposite sex. Interestingly enough in my present field of Esoteric Women’s Health I have met hundreds of women who have had a similar experience. During those years I had intense hate for myself and my body. I struggled through those teenage years either covering my body like a sack, or as I got older and began drinking and taking heroin (at age 16), I would “flaunt it” thinking I had gotten over my issues, not realising that I had just buried them in a haze of drugs and alcohol.
I realised that I could not look lovingly at myself in the mirror and that I would always find criticism in what I was seeing; no matter how skinny I was, I always thought I was fat. I thought my legs were ugly and I never wore a short skirt because I hated my knees and of course, I found something wrong with my butt. I continued to dislike my breasts and hated them being touched when having sex. I would always make some excuse why they were “off limits” when having sex. Mind you, the whole sex thing was something that I put up with because at first I was prostituting myself to keep my heroin addiction going and then, when I was married I was told that it was my duty as a wife to have sex whenever my husband wanted it. I would always be drunk or on drugs… I could go on but I do not want it to sound like a soap opera.
Let’s fast-forward to when I started to see Serge Benhayon and do the Universal Medicine courses. I was living on a 13-acre property that I had bought to start a community with a group of people, led by a new age guru that I had totally given my self / life away to (and my money!!). The guru, at this stage, was no longer in the picture and I was on the property maintaining it all by myself thinking this was a great new part to my life (a great achievement one could say considering my previous history). You would find me whipper snipping, lawn mowing, slashing on a big tractor, tarring roofs, chain sawing trees etc. etc. and those that have lived on a property like this know the intense amount of work involved. The reality was though that my body was like a man’s body and I championed this thinking it was great because I could do as much as any man could. I had no idea what it meant to be a nurturing woman and did not even know that I had an issue, I thought this was how it was. There were no true role models to show me anything different, and in so many ways this was a much better life than my past.
I started with Universal Medicine at age 45 and, as some may know from my previous article (Life beyond Addiction – One Woman’s Experience), I gave up drugs and alcohol very easily – but more than this occurred. I started listening to my body and heard loud and clear from my body that I was harming it not only with the drugs and alcohol but the way I was treating it, doing all that very hard physical work on the land, always doing, doing something and not caring and nurturing myself. I got to feel that it was the same pattern as when I was young. Still seeking recognition and acceptance – this time in the form of a beautiful property that people would admire. Through listening to Serge’s presentations on Women’s Health I began to recognise and feel how hard my body was. I remember this being a real shock at the time, but it was a shock I needed to begin to change how I was living. I began to realise it was not what I was doing so much but the way I was doing it and yes, there were certain things that I chose no longer to do because I could now feel how much it hardened and harmed my body. Slowly I started to honour my body and myself. I started to be gentle with myself and truly nurture and care for myself, this I had not been taught as I was growing up. Again, no slight on my mother, she had not been taught this either.
With the teachings that were coming from the Women’s Health presentations and as I started to live them day to day, my life changed. It was not rocket science stuff – just simple things, like lovingly being with nurturing and caring in everything you do, for example tenderly washing your body in the shower, not quickly and roughly as I had been doing (not daring to look at my body); then gently dressing myself in clothes I felt to wear rather than what you think you should wear according to the latest fashion. Then having fun putting makeup on just for me, adoring myself in the mirror in the process and not just putting it on to look good for others. This was an enormous healing for me and thus had started the path of loving myself and my body. I am now 54 years old, I love my body and my breasts (and even my butt!) but the most amazing thing is that I cannot find anything wrong with my legs or knees anymore and love wearing skirts. I have re-connected with the gorgeous little girl I once was and am well on my way to re-claiming the beautiful woman I now know myself to be.
The Esoteric Breast Massage contributed to the healing of accepting and loving my breasts and my body. I am particularly passionate about this modality, to the point where I am now the Australian Trainer and Northern Rivers Co-ordinator of the EBM, as I know the significant changes it has brought about in my health and wellbeing and that of hundreds of other women over the years.
I continue to go to all the Esoteric Women’s Health presentations run by Natalie Benhayon and have sessions with her on a regular basis, as this young woman is my inspiration and a true role model for all women. She is bringing to me and to women worldwide the next round of teachings that we need in order to continue to develop into the true, tender woman that we innately know we are.
P.S. One year ago I went through menopause. I was having regular periods up until they stopped completely, I did not put on weight, I had no mood swings, no hormonal issues and no hot flushes. I would not have been aware that I was going through menopause except for the fact that I no longer got periods. I know that putting into my life what I learnt through Esoteric Women’s Health greatly contributed to the ease with which I went through menopause.
Below is a picture before my involvement with Esoteric Women’s Health and now.